Sun, March 07, 2010 - 10:57:58

Lost and Found

Remember the old nursery school rhyme, “Find a penny.  Pick it up.  All day long you’ll have good luck?” If you’ve ever happened upon a shiny coin lying on the sidewalk, chances are it might have run through your mind before popping that penny in your pocket.  But, what if you stumbled across something more valuable—like a camera, wallet, or a piece of jewelry?  Would you leave the lost item where it was or would you make sure it found its rightful owner? 

As a recent AOL Travel article explains, a number of kind-hearted individuals are making it easier than ever to reunite with your belongings, all with the help of the Internet.

If you’ve ever misplaced an important piece of jewelry like a wedding band, a class ring, or an heirloom necklace, you know how upsetting it can be.  But, one metal-detector enthusiast decided to use his hobby as a way to help others and founded the website ILostMyJewelry.com, where he posts pictures of his latest finds.  “Most of this stuff isn’t worth any money,” site owner, David Stone, tells the Boston Globe. “It’s the sentimental value behind it that matters. I have some pieces that are worth something. They’ll have precious stones and be made of gold or platinum. You know someone is missing that.”

In order to claim their lost property, all the owners have to do is email him with a description of the location where the item was lost—no fees involved.  In fact, the only reward Stone is looking for is the good feeling he gets from doing good.

On the blog I Found Your Camera, site operators post images uploaded from lost digital cameras as a way to reconnect owners with the treasured memories they might have recorded while on vacation, on the town, or at the park.  Finders of the cameras simply email I Found Your Camera with at least four pictures and before long entries are uploaded to the site. Although small and uncomplicated, I Found Your Camera boasts countless success stories, all thanks to the kindness of others who went a little bit out of their ways to help a stranger.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, March 04, 2010 - 8:00:25

Think You Need a “Marriage Ref?”  Try Arguing the NICE Way.

It’s a given that at one time or another, all married couples will fight, whether it’s about money, family, household chores, or even a new paint color for the living room, and if you happened to catch the pilot for Jerry Seinfeld’s new NBC show, “The Marriage Ref,” on Sunday, you might have noticed there’s a certain comic value to the often inane arguments married couples endure. 

But, unless you’re on a reality show hoping to win a second honeymoon, hitting “below the belt” during a spat does little to help, no matter how gratifying it might feel in the moment.  Research has proven time and time again that NICE people stay married longer, and we suspect that one reason why could be that they know how to “fight right.” So, if you feel like you need a marriage ref in your life, try being NICE.

When you’re angry, it’s easy to fall under the seductive spell of your emotions and go on an all-out verbal attack.  After all, unleashing a tirade of personal criticisms and eliciting a response can make you feel more powerful, but if your goal is resolution and not total annihilation, it’s also a fatal error.  Instead, it’s best to give yourself a minute to cool off, regroup, and discover for yourself why you are truly angry.  Then, once you are feeling calm and rational, you can return to the conversation with an even temper and a fresh perspective, beginning your statements with positive truths rather than negative observations.

For example, if your partner’s repeated last-minute cancellation of plans with friends has you fuming, take a step back and resist the urge to go on a fiery rampage.  Then, when you have regrouped, instead of opening with, “What is the matter with you?” or “Why can’t you ever get your act together?” you can calmly and kindly explain, “You know how much our friends have been looking forward to getting together with the two of us.  So, when we cancel on them at the last minute, it really hurts their feelings.”  That way, you’ll motivate your spouse to take the initiative and make a change rather than forcing a new behavior.

Even if you’re not married, using this gentler approach to arguing can have a big payoff.  Whether it’s with a friend, a family member, a coworker, or a boyfriend or girlfriend, learning to fight constructively can help you resolve issues instead of exacerbating them.  And isn’t that what you’re really fighting for?

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sun, February 28, 2010 - 12:10:36

A Nicer ‘Net

Over the past few years, if asked to describe the overall tone of the Internet in one word, you might have chosen the adjective “snarky.”  With the popularity of blogs like PerezHilton.com, The Fug Blog, and FAIL blog, poking fun at others in a less-than-good-natured way seemed to be par for the course in the blogosphere.  But, as a recent New York Observer article points out, social media is starting to have a decidedly NICE effect on the way many of us interact online.

The Observer’s Meredith Bryan writes that although the internet has long been known for its unkind comments, message board flame wars, and blog trolls, today’s less anonymous forms of social media, namely Twitter and Facebook, are causing a kindness shift: “suddenly, wide swaths of the Web have become bastions of support and earnest civility, where community-members “retweet” or “reblog” each other’s bon mots, promiscuously proffer thumbs-up, help sell perfect strangers’ books, drive traffic to each other’s blogs and real-world events and even defend one another.”

And it’s a trend we’re happy to be a part of.  While reports of Twitter vengeance, such as the recent debacle involving several well-known New York chefs, still arise and sarcastic blogs still draw readers, there is mounting evidence that the culture of the Web is moving away from its old habits.  And as Bryan points out, today’s most popular social networking sites are even designed to unconsciously promote positive interactions between members ranging from close friends to virtual strangers.  For example, Facebook gives users the opportunity to “like” their friends posts, to “share” videos, and even prompts them to send gifts along with birthday-related Wall posts; while Twitter users frequently dole out compliments in the form of retweets and one of the most popular trending topics at the end of each week is “Follow Friday,” when Twitter followers recommend their favorite users.

Of course, not everyone is jumping on the bandwagon just yet, but the prominence of NICE power-bloggers like Chris Brogan and Seth Godin, along with the increasingly social and reciprocal nature of the entire webscape, points to a new direction.  So, the next time you get ready to unleash a scathing comment on your favorite blog, give yourself a minute before you press enter.  After all, the new way to conquer the web just might be with kindness. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sat, February 20, 2010 - 11:31:32

In Tough Economic Times, It Still Pays to be Nice

If you’ve noticed an unpleasant shift in attitudes in your workplace over the last few years, you’re not alone.  According to a recent Harvard Business Review blog post by Gill Corkindale, an executive coach based in London, many managers are using the tough economic times as an excuse to mistreat their employees, relying on fear tactics and intimidation as a way to keep their teams on task.  But, as Corkindale explains, whether you’re a middle manager, an entry level worker, or a high-level executive, having strong interpersonal skills is essential in business, in good times and especially in bad.  In other words, it pays to be nice.

At some point in life, nearly everyone will encounter the kind of bully boss who uses excessive force at work: threatening to fire employees, belittling staff, and withholding important information in order to use it as a weapon.  And although those methods may effectively keep workers submissive during a tough job market, managers who use them will have a difficult time retaining their best and brightest and remaining successful in the long run.

As the leaders of The Kaplan Thaler Group and the authors of THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we have found time and time again that the most effective way to get the best from your employees isn’t with spears and intimidation, but with flowers and chocolates.

Instead of shouting orders from the top down, NICE leaders make themselves visible and engage their teams in discourse.  They tell the truth, even when it’s difficult, and provide positive, constructive feedback.  And perhaps most importantly, even when times are tough, they take the time to make small gestures of appreciation to the people that help to make their offices great places to work.
For example, one hot summer day, we rented an ice cream truck, parked it behind our office building, and treated everyone at the Kaplan Thaler Group to a few scoops of Rocky Road and Fudge Ripple as a way to say “thank you” for all of their hard work.  And, it turns out it didn’t just provide a much-needed afternoon sugar boost, but an emotional one too.

So, to all of you bosses out there, take heed and remember that the benefits you get from bullying your employees are simply short term.  Then consider taking the NICE approach and find out what happens when you sweeten the deal.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, February 19, 2010 - 11:57:33

If You Can’t Stand the Tweet, Get out of the Kitchen

Before the advent of social media, when you dined in your favorite restaurant, you probably didn’t give much thought to the personal musings of the individual who prepared your meal.  But, now that blogs have become ubiquitous, along with sites like Twitter and Facebook, once-anonymous chefs are having their say. And according to an article in Tuesday’s New York Times, their online remarks aren’t always in good taste. In fact, recent tweets from the culinary world have landed a few chefs in hot water: sparking a shouting match, ending business relationships, and even resulting in a job loss.

Julia Moskin reports that chefs in the New York area and beyond are going online not only to air their grievances about others in their industry, but to confront their critics on user generated content sites like Yelp, ChowHound, and FoodBuzz.  But, instead of using their communications as a way to reach out in an effective way to their disgruntled diners, many chefs are lashing out.  One snarky post directed at Diana Takes a Bite’s Diana Hossfeld even reduced the amateur blogger to tears and, as the authors of THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we think this is cause for concern.

Inevitably, on your quest for success, you will encounter critics, but how your respond to their negative feedback can have a powerful effect.  Contrary to what you might think, your critics—or perceived adversaries—can actually become your greatest allies when you use the NICE approach.  The key is to take your emotions out of the equation and listen carefully with your rational brain.  By absorbing what they have to say with an open mind, you can use your newfound knowledge to your advantage, improve upon your weaknesses, and even turn them into your strengths.

Consider for example the story of chef Eddie Huang, whose Lower East Side restaurant BaoHaus received a negative review in the Village Voice.  Displeased with restaurant critic Sarah DiGregorio’s description of the texture of BaoHaus’ tofu as “slicked with mucus,” Huang took to the web.  But, instead of calling out DiGregorio on her lack of knowledge or inferior taste buds, he took the NICE road, inviting all Yelp.com users to come in for a free tofu bao—and this time he made sure each one was cooked perfectly.  Thanks to the influx of happy customers he received from the post, Huang not only won himself repeat business, he earned the chance to redeem his restaurant’s reputation and gained valuable positive word of mouth.

Although it might not have felt as immediately gratifying as writing a furious blog post or angry tweet, Huang’s kind gesture serves as a stellar example to professionals in any industry, and shows once again that no matter where you work, NICE works.  So, the next time you encounter a little negative feedback, take a step back, resist the seductive power of anger, and listen up.  After all, the person you think is your enemy could turn out to be your biggest supporter.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sun, February 14, 2010 - 10:50:53

Clay Shirky and Business Week Ask: “Are Working Women Too Nice to Get to the Top?”

A few days ago, we came across a recent blog post entitled “A Rant About Women” by New York University professor Clay Shirky in which he wonders if women “just don’t have what it takes” to break through the glass ceiling, a supposedly male quality he describes as “the ability to behave as self-aggrandizing jerks.”  But as women, successful executives, and the authors of THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we take issue not only with Shirky’s claim that women lack the means to get ahead, but with his assertion that “nice girls” finish last.

A few days after Shirky’s hot-button post hit the Internet, Business Week published a related article online in which it asks “are working women too nice to get to the top?” and we simply couldn’t hold our tongues.  So, we’d like to offer a bit of NICE wisdom: contrary to popular opinion, nice girls can and do get the corner office and we can prove it.

When we released THE POWER OF NICE in 2006 we garnered attention with one powerful, counterintuitive statement: “NICE is the toughest four-letter word you’ll ever hear.”  Four years later, we believe it as strongly as ever, but “nice” still has a bit of an image problem, as evidenced by the articles posted by Clay Shirky and Business Week.  So, we would like to clarify something: nice is not about being a pushover, a Pollyanna, or a wimp, nor is it about being a disingenuous glad handler who panders to her superiors.  Instead, nice people are honest, congenial, empathetic, and receptive and they use those strengths to their advantage to climb—rather than claw—their ways to the top.

The myth of Social Darwinism that has been propagated by our culture, that cut-throat “me vs. you” mentality, which Shirky seems to support in his “Rant” is simply that: a myth. The truth is, regardless of gender, nice people really are more successful throughout life.  It’s the way we live our lives and the way we built our business, The Kaplan Thaler Group, from a tiny start-up to an agency with a billion dollars in billings in under a decade.

Time and time again, researchers have found that nice people make more money, are luckier in love, endure less legal hardships, and even live longer.  In business, they forge lasting professional relationships that benefit them throughout their careers and command—instead of demand—respect even from their fiercest competitors.

So, with that cleared up, we’d like to pose new question: “Are you being NICE enough?”

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sat, February 13, 2010 - 11:02:26

Cooperation Makes it Happen

Earlier this week, we came across a fascinating post by Morten Hansen on the Harvard Business Review’s blog The Conversation which used the Obama Administration’s experience over the past year to serve as a springboard for a discussion about collaboration in the workplace.  In his post, Hansen brings up a very powerful point, and it’s one we all can learn from, regardless of politics: “To collaborate well, you must involve all parties in a meaningful way: invite people to propose divergent views and promote vigorous debate (some call this constructive conflict). Let robust ideas and solutions get a fair chance, even if you may not like them much.” In other words, once you learn to shed that “me vs. you” mentality, you can discover that cooperation makes it happen.

Like politics, business can be naturally divisive.  After all, everyone is busy not only trying to keep their current customers, but actively out there competing for new ones.  But, there are times when coming together and sharing information and insights on neutral ground can actually work in everyone’s favor.  For politicians, this means progress in Washington; for businesses it can mean increased earnings.

Don’t believe us?  Well, we can prove it.  In fact, some of the past century’s greatest product innovations have come from opposing sides coming together in collaboration and for evidence; you need look no further than that shiny flat screen TV in your family room.  Less than a decade ago, in a controversial move, tech-giants Samsung and Sony joined forces on a project that would revolutionize a market once flooded with plasma screens and help them dominate sales with a less expensive, more cost-effective, yet high-quality design.  Working together, they developed the S-LCD screen, and as you know, it became an instant hit with consumers, allowing both companies to enjoy a healthy profit.

As the old saying goes, “If you want to be incrementally better: be competitive. If you want to be exponentially better: be cooperative.”  So, if you’re looking for a new solution, consider what the opposing side has to say, and try joining forces.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, February 08, 2010 - 1:56:07

Robin Recounts Her Amazing NICE Experience

All of us, I’m sure, have mixed feelings about ordering things over the web.  Unless you are buying from a large national seller (a book from Amazon or a pair of jeans from The Gap), you often don’t know who you are dealing with and click the order button with fingers crossed, silently hoping the dealer is reputable. 
 
With all the cold weather we’ve been having this winter, I decided my dog Ella needed a coat for those 20-degree and under days.  Although she’s pretty big and furry, I had noticed that the really cold weather was bothering her a bit and set out in search for a solution to the problem.
 
I went on line and looked for dog coats that were warm, not silly (I am generally not a fan of dog wardrobes) and well made and I found one from a small company based in Maryland.  So, I measured Ella and placed my order for the coat. 

It came surprisingly fast - in two days (instead of the 10 days I had been warned to expect).  Unfortunately it was a little too big, so, the next day I called the company.  The woman, who is the proprietor of the business, personally helped me re-measure my dog.  I told her I would send the too large coat back, but to my amazement, she told me not to do that until I had received the new one.  That way I could make a decision between the two.  She didn’t ask me for any additional payment—which surprised me. After all, she was sending me additional merchandise. 

Then, the next day, I received the a package containing the new coat, which the proprietor had overnighted.  Not only did the new coat fit, she had included a $6.00 refund for the difference between the larger and smaller size with a note that said I should cash it if I decided to keep the smaller one. 
 
I was stunned to receive this level of service and trust doing business on-line.  I immediately sent back the larger size and included a warm thank you note as well as a copy of The Power of Nice.
 
The company is True Fit Dog Coats and the owner is Jennifer Miller.  Anyone out there who has a dog that’s a bit chilly this winter should check out her site www.truefitdogcoats.com . 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, February 08, 2010 - 10:54:27

The Power of Paying it Forward

Can seeing someone else do a good deed actually influence your own behavior?  While cynics might scoff at such an idea, we’ve long believed that the power of nice can work wonders and now science is proving us right. According to a new study released yesterday by the Association for Psychological Science, that “warm and fuzzy” feeling that results from seeing one person do something nice for someone else, known among psychologists as “elevation,” really can help shape your subsequent actions for the better.

Researchers from the University of Cambridge, University of Plymouth, and UCLA examined the effects of “elevation” by exposing volunteers to one of three television clips, one of which featured an inspiring moment on Oprah, another which simply showed neutral scenes from a nature documentary, and a third that showed a clip from a British comedy series, intended to induce feelings of mirth rather than good will.
After each of the groups viewed the clips, the research assistant leading the group pretended to have computer trouble and depending on the footage the participants had viewed, their responses were notably different.  In fact, viewers of the altruistic Oprah clip spent twice as long providing aid to the researcher as viewers of the other clips, even though they expected nothing in return.
But, the scientific concept of elevation isn’t just something seen behind the sterile walls of a research lab.  In fact, as these news reports from around the nation show, the power of paying it forward is just one of the small ways everyday people are helping to create a nicer universe.

So, if you discount the power that even your smallest actions can have, you may want to reevaluate your thinking.  Because even when you think no one is watching, thanks to the power of elevation, your kind acts can keep on giving. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sun, February 07, 2010 - 5:51:20

This Super Bowl Sunday, Throw Out the Scorecard

If you’re like most of us, this weekend means you’ll be gathering in front of the television with friends, family, and an armload of snacks to cheer on your team in the NFL Championship.  And whether you’re rooting for the Colts or the Saints, chances are you’ll be keeping close tabs on the score.  But when the game is over, everyone has gone home, and you inexplicably find yourself mentally comparing your accomplishments to those of your fellow football fans, you might want to take a look at your own life and ask yourself: am I too busy “keeping score?”
If the answer is “yes,” we have just one bit of advice: toss out that scorecard.

Of course, it’s perfectly normal—and very common—to keep a mental log of your accomplishments and most of us, at one time or another will compare our “haves” to those of our friends and family.  But, what benefit does it actually provide to think “my sister just got engaged but I have a more successful career” or “my friend has a higher paying job but I have a more prestigious title.” 

In truth, engaging in this kind of unofficial competition serves no purpose because it unnecessarily breeds negativity and, after all, when someone you care about succeeds, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

Instead of inwardly stewing, why not outwardly celebrate whenever you feel others gaining on your mental tally by acknowledging their accomplishments and offering your sincere congratulations?  Even if you’re feeling less that felicitous at first, the mere action of being nice, portraying positivity, and coming from a place of abundance will help to lift your spirits.

So, this Super Bowl Sunday, instead of tackling your perceived opponents, take the time to congratulate them for everything they’ve worked for and then pat yourself on the back for a job NICE-ly done.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, January 29, 2010 - 9:57:52

The Dangers of Desk Rage

We’ve all heard the term, “road rage,” used to describe the uncontrollable feelings of anger expressed by many drivers suffering in traffic on some of the nation’s most congested highways, but have you ever heard of “desk rage?”

Chances are, whether you knew the name for it or not, you’ve experienced this all-too-common emotion at one time or another during your professional life and in a new Wall Street Journal piece this week, Sue Shellenbarger examines two very different viewpoints regarding expressing anger at work. 

While many career counselors would advise that it’s best to eschew confrontation and keep your thoughts to yourself in order to avoid damaging your future career prospects, recent medical findings published by Swedish researchers in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health say that quashing your feelings could have serious consequences when it comes to your physical well-being.  In fact, their study of 2,755 subjects with no prior history of heart problems found that participants who regularly used “covert coping”, or stifled their emotions at work, were at a far greater risk of having a heart attack or dying from heart disease.

But, no matter what the health risks may be, there is certainly no benefit to erupting into fits of rage directed at your coworkers and employees, yet there is no incentive to being a doormat either.  Fortunately, there’s a NICE solution that can help you keep your career and your health on the right track and it’s easier than you might think. 

The key is to recognize your feelings of anger when they first emerge and to redirect your energy before you go on a regrettable rampage. Then, instead of allowing yourself to become consumed by your emotions, step back and use a distractive technique that involves rational thinking, such as saying the alphabet backwards, listing all fifty state capitals, or remembering the names of all of your elementary school teachers.  As odd as it may sound, doing so will not only allow you to “cool off,” it will give your logical side the time it needs to catch up to your more quickly-triggered emotional brain.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you should not address the situation that angered you later on, but giving yourself the time you need to think critically will help you to approach the other party in a calm-and-effective, rather than confrontational-and-destructive manner. 

After you’ve composed yourself and you decide that the situation warrants a conversation, make every effort to channel your inner Joe Friday and stick to “just the facts”, rather than making personal accusations or bringing up old arguments.  After all, the purpose of your talk is to heal and move on, rather than hurt and rehash.

So, forget about “desk rage” and the next time you find yourself in an office tiff, step back, put those claws away, and be NICE.  Once you’ve had the opportunity to air your grievances in an appropriate and professional way, you’ll find you not only feel better, you’ll be a better coworker as well. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, January 27, 2010 - 10:09:06

Conan Signs Off the NICE Way

Like millions of other Americans, we tuned in for Conan O’Brien’s last Tonight Show on Friday night and were both moved and inspired as O’Brien signed off for a final time in a manner that portrayed both humor and class.  In a heartfelt goodbye, he thanked his former network for the opportunities they had given him and asked his fans not to be cynical. “If you work really hard and you are kind, I’m telling you: amazing things will happen,” an emotional O’Brien said. 

And of course, we couldn’t agree more.

Not only did O’Brien’s farewell speech touch the hearts of his loyal fans, who spent the past few weeks making “I’m with Coco” a viral sensation, it helped to cement his reputation as a “class act” and create a positive impression among viewers who might not have previously enjoyed his off-the-wall brand of humor.  In the days following his final Tonight Show, his farewell speech became a Twitter trending topic, inspired countless blog posts and Facebook groups, and was one of the top searched queries on the major search engines.

That’s the power of nice.

In a time when snarkiness and sarcasm seem to dominate the headlines and the punch lines, it’s a wonderful reminder that being nice is one of the most powerful things you can do to make a real difference in your personal and professional life.  So, why not give it a try?  Even if you’re not on television, you never know who might be watching.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, January 22, 2010 - 10:38:15

Is it Really “Never Too Late to Say You’re Sorry?”

Conventional wisdom dictates that it’s never too late to say you’re sorry, but as Elizabeth Bernstein’s column in this week’s Wall Street Journal points out, the growing popularity of social networking websites has given people around the world the unprecedented opportunity to reconnect with old friends and deliver long-overdue apologies that are sometimes decades in the making.  And with the new prevalence of online apologies through sites like MySpace and Facebook and even web-based apology forums like ThePublicApology.com and PerfectApology.com, it begs the question: is it ever simply too late to make amends? 

As the authors of THE POWER OF NICE, we can tell you that in both your professional and private life, a sincere apology to someone you have wronged can be one of the most powerful actions you can make, and although saying “sorry” in a timely manner is best, a little contrition can go a long way to heal the other party’s hurt feelings even years later.

But, not all apologies are created equally and regardless of time, it’s essential that your apology is sincere and truthful. So, if you have a little apologizing to do but are feeling tongue tied, why not try some of our NICE tips?

Don’t make excuses. It’s important to resist the urge to make an excuse as substitute for a proper apology.  In fact, simply inserting the word “but” can completely derail attempts at reconciliation by negating everything you said prior. So, instead of saying “I’m sorry I ignored you earlier, but, I’ve been really busy,” try, “I’m sorry I ignored you earlier. I’ll try to be more considerate of your feelings in the future.”

Never shift the blame. We’ve all received those half-hearted apologies that shift the blame back to the wronged party, and chances are they made you feel worse than before.  So, instead of saying, “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way,” admit your guilt and simply say, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”

Make it personal. As Bernstein’s Wall Street Journal article points out, the Internet has enabled us to apologize through tweets, wall posts, and instant messages, but before you publish your apology note on the web, put your head on the other person’s shoulders and imagine how it would make you feel.  While a Facebooked apology is simply too casual and can appear flippant, we also understand that in-person apologies, although best, might not always be possible. So, consider making a phone call, sending a handwritten note, or even an email.  No matter which method you choose, the simple act of saying you’re sorry will leave everyone feeling better.

We want to hear your thoughts!  Have you received a long overdue apology from a long lost friend via an online social networking site?  Share your stories by leaving a comment.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, January 20, 2010 - 10:57:02

If You Can’t Say Anything Nice…

Remember the old playground saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?”  Well, in a bygone era, when mean words uttered on the tot lot were about as permanent as the chalk on the blackboard, that may have been true, but for today’s kids, teens, and even adults, it’s a very different situation. 

With a gossip-obsessed culture that spans both the physical and digital realms, people have more ways than ever before to make snarky comments at one another, and with the prevalence of blogs and social networking sites, what were once impermanent verbal insults now have a lasting presence online.  That’s why, as Jeffrey Zaslow writes in a recent Wall Street Journal article, it’s more important than ever for kids, teens, and adults to ask themselves three simple questions before uttering a word: “Is it true?”, “Is it kind?” and “Is it necessary?”

Some argue that adhering to the these three tenants could lead to a culture that excuses people of their faults and does not hold people accountable for their actions, but we disagree.  When it comes to kindness there’s a huge difference between being nice and being naïve and while being nice doesn’t include spreading unsavory gossip and making unkind remarks behind people’s backs, sometimes it is necessary to say the “tough stuff” directly to the other person involved. 

The important thing, however, is to say it without hurting the other person’s feelings and one of the best ways to do so is to use a technique we like to call the “yes sandwich”:  start with a positive truth, follow with the unpleasant part, and then finish with another positive statement.  By surrounding your note of criticism with two slices of “nice,” your message will come across as constructive instead of cutting.  And perhaps more importantly, the other person will appreciate your willingness to come to them instead of gossiping to others about their shortcomings.

There’s an old Jewish proverb that says, “What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t witness with your mouth” and it’s a piece of advice we could all take to heart.  Whether you’re a kid, a teen or full-grown adult, when we fall victim to the seductive and social appeal of gossip, we hurt everyone around us, including ourselves, by helping to spread the virus of negativity from person to person. 

So, at the start of this new decade, let’s all make the effort to ask ourselves those three questions first introduced by Socrates centuries ago and the next time you’re ready to dish out that saucy bit of gossip, give yourself a minute and ask, “Is this really necessary?”

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, December 28, 2009 - 4:03:42

The NICE Year in Review

2009.  What a year it’s been!  As we watch this turbulent decade draw to a close, we’ve read about quite a lot of negative things.  One Wisconsin journalist dubbed 2009, “The Year of the Nasty” and Time Magazine even questioned if the 2000’s were the worst decade ever. But, amid all the gloom and doom that has surrounded our tumultuous times, we believe that through it all, NICE persevered. 

And as we resolve to make 2010 the Year of Nice, we’d like to take a look back at some of the stories we’ve discussed over the past twelve months here on the NICE blog:

Jay Leno Says Goodnight, For Now: Ever since Jay Leno so generously offered to write the forward to our book, THE POWER OF NICE, we’ve known he epitomizes what our philosophy is all about and on his final episode of the Tonight Show, he shows us once again that NICE works.

Hugs Make a Comeback: Once, high-fives and handshakes were all the rage, but in today’s middle- and high-schools, hugs are the friendly greeting of choice.

Empathy Becomes a Media Buzz-Word: Although David Brooks of the New York Times asserted that the most successful CEOs are “organized, dogged, anal-retentive, and slightly boring,” the Harvard Business Review’s Katherine Bell explains that empathy isn’t just an indicator of power, it’s a critical trait of managers at any level.

An Eighth Grade Teacher Gives New Meaning to the “Write” Stuff: Remember your favorite teacher from childhood?  Well, chances are if that teacher was Dan Stroup, he remembers you!  In fact, every night for the past thirty years, the teacher has taken the time to write birthday letters to each and every one of his former students… all 2500 of them.

Scientists Discover that Being Nice Relieves Stress:  With the impact of the financial crisis, job losses, and home foreclosures being felt around the nation, it’s no surprise that people are anxious, but recent scientific research shows that committing random acts of kindness relieves stress and produces what is known as a “helper’s high.” 

Harris Interactive Study Reveals High-Tech Rules for Online Etiquette:  In today’s rapidly-changing technological environment, the words “blackberry,” “twitter,” and “kindle” have all taken on new meanings.  But, with newly devised tech etiquette, Americans still believe that although times change, a little common courtesy never hurts.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, December 23, 2009 - 3:45:17

Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus

Over a century ago, eight year-old Virginia O’Hanlon famously asked the New York Sun editor Francis P. Church, “Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?”  Church’s eloquent response, including the legendary lines, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist,” went on to become one of the most well-known newspaper editorials of all time. 

112 years later, USA TODAY reports that a few good Samaritans in Phoenix, Arizona are proving Church right by spreading the spirit of the season to area residents in need.  The anonymous good Samaritans, who refer to themselves only as “Secret Santas” are making headlines by handing out $100 bills to passersby.

The phenomenon of the Phoenix Secret Santas began with a simple NICE concept: paying it forward.  As USA TODAY’s Melanie Eversley writes, the tradition began in 1971 when the owner of a Mississippi restaurant gave the then-homeless Larry Stuart a free breakfast.  Years later, when Stuart became a successful business man in Kansas City, he remembered the effect the diner owner’s kind act had upon him and decided to help others by handing out money to needy people he saw in dollar stores, Laundromats, and bus stations.

Although Stuart passed away in 2007, today the tradition lives on in numerous locations throughout the United States, from the Phoenix Metropolitan area, to rural Maine, to downtown Baltimore, where kind-hearted volunteers dig into their own pockets to help others have a happy holiday.  In the process, the volunteers enjoy the kind of satisfaction that can only come from being NICE and doing good.

And someday, recipients of their kind acts will, like Larry Stuart, look back on their times of trouble, remember the benevolence of others that helped them through, and bestow that kindness upon someone else, slowly but surely creating a nicer universe.

So, this holiday season, as you celebrate with family and friends, take a few moments to reflect on the kindness that others have shown you throughout the year and then do something nice for someone else.  We know you’ll discover it’s the greatest gift you could ever give yourself.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, December 14, 2009 - 3:38:34

If You Want to Be a Star at Work, Close the Curtains on your One-Man Show.

A few days ago, we were catching up on the Harvard Business Review Blogs when we came across a post by one of our favorite bloggers, John Baldoni, which really struck a chord with us.  In his post, Baldoni discusses three ways to keep your ego in check as you climb the ranks of corporate leadership: not getting caught up in your own hype, listening to your honest critics, and reflecting on your shortcomings.
We couldn’t agree more with Baldoni’s recommendations, but there’s one more piece of NICE advice we’d like to add.  When you want to curb that ego and effectively lead a team, oftentimes the best thing to do is to get out of your own spotlight and share the credit.

Sure, we all like to look smart and be the center of attention; and in the back of our minds, many of us have an imaginary audience cheering us on for our successes and cringing at our failures. But in the real world most people are too wrapped up in their own dramas to notice you starring in yours.  So, why not write a new script and invite your coworkers to star in an ensemble cast with you?  Then, instead of simply delivering one monologue after another, you can engage your fellow cast-mates in a productive, ongoing dialogue and create communal ownership of ideas. 

Once you’ve gotten the conversation going, the key to making the most of it is to pay attention and really listen to what’s going on.  As Larry King once said, “I never learn a thing while I’m talking,” and you can use his words to your advantage by perking up those ears, discovering what others have to say, and using their input to help everyone excel. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, December 10, 2009 - 10:17:11

Is “Webtribution” the New Revenge?

Chances are, if you’re a parent of a teen or tween, you’ve heard about the dangers of online bullying and probably have already taken steps to prevent it from happening to your own child.  But, a new article in this week’s Wall Street Journal opened our eyes to a very disturbing new trend among adults that author, Elizabeth Bernstein calls “webtribution.” 

Webtribution, she describes, is when disgruntled exes, former friends, and angry coworkers use social networking sites, email, and other online applications to do serious damage to your reputation.  Yes, as the article reveals, with the mere click of a mouse, webtribution can take you from un-Googleable, to a hot topic in just a matter of seconds. 

In her article, Bernstein tells the upsetting story of Renee Holder, 34, who claims her life was devastated after an anonymous sender distributed a hurtful MySpace message to dozens of her friends, in which she accused Holder of breaking up relationships and called her a “home wrecker.”  Although none of the information the sender (an ex-girlfriend of Holder’s current boyfriend) disclosed was rooted in an ounce of truth, Holder tells the Wall Street Journal that family members called her and questioned her morals, co-workers gossiped about her in the office, and several friends cut her out of their lives completely.  And even though Holder was eventually able to set the record straight with most of the email recipients by calling them one by one and telling them the whole story, she states “It took me far longer to repair the damage than it took that woman to create it.  In a matter of minutes, she spread a rumor internationally.”

Sadly, this new trend toward “webtribution,” is yet another example of how our smallest actions, even when committed thoughtlessly or in the heat of the moment, can have outsize impact in our lives and in the lives of others.  For Renee Holder, one little click of another woman’s mouse cost the respect of her coworkers, the trust of her family, and even entire friendships. 

So, if you’re feeling angry with that ex-boyfriend whose Facebook password you still remember or have already started designing your anonymous “My Boss is a Jerk” website, take a step back, give yourself a minute away from the alluring glow of your laptop screen, and really think about what you’re doing.  Because those few nasty (and seemingly anonymous) keystrokes leave a un-erasable evidence trail right back to your desktop, iPhone, or blackberry, and as Tiger Woods can tell you, no one can hide in the digital age.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, December 02, 2009 - 3:39:45

Tiger:  Tell the Truth!

If you think your smallest actions can’t have an enormous impact on your life, you might want to ask Tiger Woods what he thinks. 

In the days following the fender bender that was first reported as a major car crash, media attention has swarmed around him… and subsequently unearthed some unsavory rumors about golf’s golden boy.  Since the incident, Woods has remained relatively quiet, eschewing reporters and choosing instead to issue several press releases on his website. But, rather than helping to quash the flames, Tiger’s indirect approach may actually be adding fuel to the fire.  So, Tiger, if you’re looking for a new strategy, we’d like to offer this simple NICE advice: tell the truth.

While Tiger today admitted to “transgressions” in his personal life, by remaining vague, he may be doing more harm than good.  In fact, we think Woods could actually benefit by looking to one unlikely source for guidance on the matter, David Letterman.

Whether you condone his actions or not, David Letterman’s on-air admission of infidelity was a brilliant move and helped to end the controversy surrounding his personal life before it began.  Rather than side stepping the issue, Letterman took his “transgressions” head-on, looked into the camera, and matter-of-factly told the truth while millions of his fans watched.

Although the situations that brought about the unfortunate revelations regarding both public figures’ personal lives were markedly different (Letterman was the alleged victim of attempted extortion while Woods simply had a car accident that led to increased tabloid scrutiny), the simple solution of telling the truth could have worked to both of their advantages when it comes to public opinion. 

Why?  Because when you resist the urge to cover up the truth and candidly admit to wrongdoing, you earn people’s trust and regain control, but by not telling the simple truth right away, Woods allowed people to believe that he was not only unfaithful but duplicitous as well.  And, perhaps more importantly in this situation, when you own up to all the “dirt” you’ve done, you take away the public appetite for more.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, November 20, 2009 - 10:50:20

Negative Feedback is Better than None at All

As the time for year-end reviews approaches, many managers are tackling the difficult task of delivering feedback to their employees and inevitably, there are times when assessing someone’s performance doesn’t always result in sugar and spice.  But contrary to what you might think, a recent Gallup Management Journal article reveals that withholding not-so-nice feedback can actually be a whole lot meaner than not saying anything at all.  And as the authors of THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we know a thing or two about addressing your employees’ weaknesses in a way in which everyone leaves feeling stronger.  The trick, it turns out, it to offer them a sandwich.

No, we’re not talking about pastrami on rye.  The best way to deliver negative feedback to an employee is to use a technique we call the “Yes Sandwich.”  In other words, start with a positive truth, tell them the bad stuff, and then make another positive statement to end the conversation with everyone feeling good.

For example, you’ve noticed that one of your marketing managers, Mike, has been arriving late to important client meetings with increasing frequency and it’s affecting your business.  Instead of telling him what you might secretly thinking, “Mike, get your act together and come to the meeting on time.  We almost lost a client because of you!” make a yes sandwich by saying, “Mike, your presentations are very astute and our clients really appreciate your insights.  However, I’ve noticed that you have been arriving late recently and it’s very important to all of us that you make it on time.  Your presence makes a huge difference to our success.”

While we are ardent supporters of telling the truth, we can’t stress enough how important it is to talk to your employees about their shortcomings in a way that is as kind as possible.  So, instead of rambling on, getting too personal, or becoming overly emotional, keep everyone’s feelings in check by stating your case in an even-tempered, matter-of-fact way.  By telling them what they need to know without hurting their feelings, you’ll find they will not only appreciate your honesty, they will be much more apt to change.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, November 19, 2009 - 9:59:51

Being a Brownnoser Won’t Always Get You Brownie Points

There’s a question we’re often asked when talking to people about our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness: “If I’m always nice, won’t I look like a brownnoser?” But, we can’t stress enough the monumental difference between being kind and being a suck-up.  And while genuinely nice people are able to use their relationship building-skills to their advantage in their careers, as yesterday’s USA TODAY article points out, phonily fawning all over the boss might not be the best strategy to getting ahead.  In fact, too much kissing-up can create a real downturn in everyone’s impressions of you, from co-workers to higher-ups.

We’ve often said that giving a compliment is one of the quickest and easiest ways to harness the power of nice and create an instant connection and it’s something we still believe wholeheartedly—provided your words are also truthful.  So, if you’re worried that your sincere praise or encouragement to a superior will come across as sycophancy, there’s a good chance that they certainly won’t.  Why?  Because the mere fact that you’re concerned about it means you aren’t smarmy and no one will think of you that way.

On the other hand, John Sheptor, CEO of Imperial Sugar tells USA TODAY’s Del Jones that CEOs believe “hollow compliments are a sign of immaturity and justification for why the brownnosing employee should not be promoted.”  So, when giving the boss a compliment, it’s in everyone’s best interest not only to be heart-felt, but to be discreet.

In other words, don’t lavish your CEO with accolades while gathered together in the conference room.  Instead, take the time to share your thoughts in private.  That way, you reduce the risk of your actions being misinterpreted by coworkers and curb the potential for resentment in the instance you should receive a future promotion.  Even better, why not compliment the whole group?  Instead of saying, “Boss, you’re a genius!” after successfully completing a big project, why not congratulate the entire team with a motivational, “Everyone here deserves a big round of applause for all their hard work.”

So, if you have something nice to say, whether it’s to a client, a colleague, a competitor, or a manager, say it!  Because when you make others feel good, everybody wins.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, November 13, 2009 - 10:39:47

2500 Birthday Wishes: An Eighth Grade Teacher Gives New Meaning to “the Write Stuff”

In recent years, email, texting, instant messaging and social networking have given us amazing ways to connect like never before, but in the process, we’ve come to neglect another form of communication that works like no other to harness the power of nice: the handwritten letter. 

Although it might seem antiquated, a simple note written in your own script and sent through the mail can have a powerful effect on its recipient, but in the name of time, we often choose a more efficient method to get the job done.  But, if you think you don’t have time to write your friend or loved one a letter, consider the story of Dan Stroup, a Bible studies teacher at Heritage Christian School in Indiana, who for the past thirty years has written birthday letters to every one of his 2,500 former students each and every night.

Stroup explains “everybody likes getting mail. Isn’t that right? Email is nice. But, there’s nothing like finding mail in the mailbox.” And so for three decades, he’s made it his cause to take the time to send a personal birthday wish to all of his past students.  When asked why, Stroup’s answer is simple: “Maybe this letter today is exactly what that person’s going to need.”  And in many cases Stroup’s small yet thoughtful gestures have helped to get Heritage Christian alums through tough times.

Despite the large number of letters Stroup sends weekly, he tells WTHR Eyewitness News that every letter he writes is an original, eschewing the impersonal practice of writing form letters.  Filling the lines with recollections of years past and questions about the future, Stroup uses the notes as a way to connect on a personal level with his former students and the practice has proven so popular that the teacher no longer has to purchase his own stamps.  Instead he finds that people all over town just give them to him.

So as we look ahead to the holiday season, we would like to issue a NICE challenge to all of you: this year, dust of your pens and paper and write a letter to someone who matters to you.  It could be a parent, a significant other, a dear friend, mentor, or even an old teacher.  As you seal it up, affix the stamp, and hand it to the postman, imagine the surprise they will feel when discovering something just for them in their mailbox.  While the rewards will likely be more far reaching, the mere satisfaction of knowing you brightened their day will make it worth your while.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, November 12, 2009 - 3:53:37

About to Get a Red Card? How to Keep Your Anger from Getting the Best of You

If you’ve tuned into the news within the past few days, chances are you may have heard about the in-game antics of Elizabeth Field, a University of New Mexico Junior who has been indefinitely suspended from the school’s soccer team after she violently let her anger get the best of her during a match against Brigham Young University.

While Field has since apologized, her brutal outbursts against members of the opposing team will no doubt leave a lasting impression and thanks to the byte-sized world we now live in, her name will be forever linked to the unflattering video footage plastered across the internet. 

Although we aren’t all NCAA-level athletes, there are times when all of us inevitably get mad—really mad—and feel the intense desire to lash out.  But, Field’s story serves as a powerful reminder to all of us of the dangers of falling under the seductive spell of your anger and acting impulsively in response to your heated emotions and above all why it is so important to take a step back and think rationally before you go on a rampage. 

For example, try distracting yourself from your immediate anger response by forcing your brain to work on something else, like naming all 50 state capitals or listing the U.S. presidents in chronological order. Focusing on such tasks will give your rational brain some time to catch up with your much quicker (and hair-triggered) emotional brain and stop those pony-tail pulling urges.

Whether it’s an on-field rival, an employee at work, or even a husband or wife, when someone intentionally or unintentionally pushes your buttons, the passionate anger you feel initially can make you feel empowered to go on the attack verbally, emotionally, or in some rare cases, physically, as Field clearly demonstrated when knocking around the BYU soccer players.  Yet, when you react in the heat of the moment and go for the jugular, everyone gets hurt.  As a result little can be accomplished and instead of resolving a dispute you only make matters worse for you, the other person, and everyone around you.

But when you resist the urge to fight, take time to clear your head, and come back to what made you angry with a new perspective, you will find that you are better equipped to handle the situation.  And with a new set of eyes, you can calmly discuss the problem with your so-called foe, find a solution, and move on.  After a little quiet introspection, you may even discover that what angered you initially was just a misunderstanding or an over-reaction on your part.

So the next time you’re feeling a little miffed, quit the soccer hooligan routine and try a nicer approach.  After all, in this byte-sized world, you never know who could be watching.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, November 06, 2009 - 1:32:06

Americans are Stressed, but NICE can Help

In a report released earlier this week by the American Psychological Association, scientists revealed that of the 1,568 respondents surveyed, 42 per cent are more stressed than ever before.  In addition, 47 per cent admit losing sleep over stress and nearly one quarter of Americans report experiencing high or chronic stress levels (ranking eight, nine, or 10 on a 10-point scale) in just the past month. 

With the impact of the financial crisis, job losses, and home foreclosures being felt around the nation, it’s no surprise that people are anxious.  In fact, as the APA’s Stress in America 2009 report reveals, even kids have become increasingly worried.  And although a recent Ohio University study shows that some types of stress may actually be beneficial to your health, too much negative stress can have catastrophic side effects like weight gain, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and even a potentially fatal cardiac disorder known as “Broken Heart Disease,” which mimics the symptoms of a heart attack. 

In the face of all of these difficult challenges, the APA’s study reports that Americans are experimenting with a number of ways to reduce their stress levels like watching TV, listening to music, and indulging in unhealthy foods.  But there’s a simpler, easier, and more rewarding way to lower your stress that you may not have considered and it works almost instantly.  As unlikely as it sounds, one of the best ways to become stress-free is simply to be nice.

In 1991, Allan Luks discovered a phenomenon known as “the helper’s high,” which delivers a rush of dopamine to the brain’s pleasure receptors when making an act of kindness.  The result?  Kind people feel calmer, happier, and more confident and experience a reduction in stress-related conditions like headaches, loss of voice, and disease-related pain.

More recently, Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor at the University of California Riverside and author of The How of Happiness conducted an experiment revealing that the vast majority of students performing random acts of kindness on a daily basis feel significantly happier, more relaxed and more fulfilled.

So, if the weight of the world is wearing you down, remember that science is on your side and try a little NICE experiment of your own.  After giving a few compliments, smiling at a stranger, or holding the elevator door, you just might discover that NICE is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, November 05, 2009 - 10:19:36

Ask, Don’t Tell: How a Few Good Questions Can Ease an Angry Situation

In our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we explain how you can use the simple act of asking questions to help you in your quest for success.  But, while we were reading Peter Bregman’s blog at the Harvard Business Review today, we were reminded of another powerful way in which this NICE technique really works: in diffusing a tense situation.  So contrary to the popular old saying, as Bregman explains, when under attack, many times the best offense isn’t a good defense. It’s actually a good question.

Typically, when encountering an angry moment, our advice is to give yourself a minute to cool off, reflect on your emotions, and imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes before reacting.  Then, once you are ready to talk, you can approach the other person with an even temper and a naturally disarming matter-of-fact approach.  But, inevitably there will be occasions when a time-out isn’t an option and you’re faced head-on with a real confrontation.  And in this instance, channeling your inner Larry King can work to everyone’s advantage.

Contrary to what you might think, giving excuses and lengthy explanations in an attempt to placate someone else does little to help.  In fact, as Bregman recounts in the story of his furious next-door neighbor, trying to “talk your way out of it” is counterproductive and can actually add fuel to the fire. 

So instead of indulging the urge to defend yourself, ask a question such as, “How can I help?” or “Can you tell me more?”  Then, zip those lips and listen intently.  After all, if someone has come to you to air his or her grievances, chances are that what he or she really wants is to be heard.  And more importantly, when you show genuine interest in the other party’s concerns through the use of a question, you show that you really care.

Although asking a question will not instantly quash anger, it immediately transforms the situation from an attack to a dialogue.  And by engaging your so-called opponent in a more supportive forum, you will find that you can more effectively resolve your differences and move forward with a stronger bond.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, October 30, 2009 - 4:50:28

Virtual Snubs Cause Real Insults

In addition to making nonsense words like “blog” and “skype” a part of the general vernacular, in the past few years, the rise of the Web 2.0 has introduced two controversial verbs previously unheard of: “unfriend” and “unfollow.”  While these little digital actions performed with the mere click of a mouse might seem harmless, CNN.com reports today that a digital snub can actually hurt even more than a “real” one.

As Purdue University social psychologist Kip Williams tells CNN, “People tend to think that these relationships are trivial and not very deep, but this is what we’re moving towards, having a lot of our communications play out over the Internet. That’s the way it’s becoming; this is how we interpret our worth. People care how many [online] friends they have.” 

Whether or not you share the sentiment, for many people, facing rejection online can be a painful process.  And as countless misinterpreted email communications have already revealed, it’s easy to have a detached internet interaction get lost in translation, resulting in hurt feelings and bad impressions.
So, as fellow good “netizens,” it’s important to make sure you harness the Power of Nice in every aspect of your life, even the virtual kind.  After all, as we like to say, “it’s a byte-size world,” so the actions you take online can have real world repercussions.

Of course, we’ve all received Facebook friend requests and LinkedIn introductions from total strangers, and you may not feel comfortable adding them to your network.  But, instead of issuing an all-out rejection, you can actually use our NICE techniques to say “yes” instead of “no.”  The key is to find something else to say “yes” to.

Consider this common scenario many of us have encountered:  You discover an invitation to connect on LinkedIn from a name you don’t recognize.  After checking out their profile, you realize you have a 3rd degree connection, but have never worked with or even met them. 

But, before you press the “decline” button, stop and put your head on their shoulders for a moment.  Chances are they were simply trying to make a friendly gesture and network with a fellow professional.  So, instead of just declining, why not send a quick note explaining your decision: “Thanks so much for inviting me to your network.  Unfortunately, I am only comfortable adding people with whom I have an existing relationship.  But, I would love to connect with you on Twitter or on by blog.”

Instead of cutting off the communication abruptly, you provide an alternate opportunity for both of you to connect on another, less formal, platform.  As a result, you lessen the risk for hurt feelings, open yourself up to potential interactions in the future, and present yourself in a positive light. 

So, forget what you’ve heard and just say “yes!”  Once you’ve discovered the power those three little letters posess, you’ll be nodding your head all the way to the top.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, October 28, 2009 - 10:22:33

The Best Investment You’ll Ever Make Doesn’t Cost a Thing

A few days ago, we read a wonderful story by sportswriter Larry Burton about the late, great NCAA Football Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant and we couldn’t help but share it with all of you.  Although the six-time championship winning coach made his name with his fierce competitive streak, the story Bob shares on his blog shows that despite his tough exterior, Bear Bryant knew that NICE was the key to success.

As Bob Morris writes, Bear Bryant was in southern Alabama when he stopped for a quick bite at a non-descript eatery simply called “Restaurant.”  Enjoying his plate of traditional Deep South cuisine and making a bit of small talk with the manager, Bryant explained that he was the new football coach in Tuscaloosa and happened to be in town recruiting a local player and asked for directions to the school.

After he finished, the manager told him lunch was on the house, but Bryant protested saying, “for a lunch that good, I should pay.”  As a compromise, the manager asked if he could have an autographed picture and although Bryant didn’t have any with him at the time, he took down the man’s name and address on a paper napkin and promised to send him one soon.

The next day, back home in Tuscaloosa, Bryant pulled out the napkin, jotted down “Thanks for the best lunch I’ve ever had” on a glossy photo, and sent it out to the restaurant manager without giving it a second thought. 

Then, a number of years later, Bryant lost a battle against the head coach at Auburn University for a talented high school football player.  But a few days after, he got a surprising phone call from the young man, who begged Bryant to let him play for Alabama after all.  Out of sheer curiosity, Bryant asked what had changed his mind.  “Well,” he confessed, “When my grandpa found out that I had a chance to play for you and said no, he pitched a fit and told me I wasn’t going nowhere but Alabama, and wasn’t playing for nobody but you. He thinks a lot of you and has ever since y’all met.”

As luck would have it, the football player’s grandfather just happened to be the owner of the Southern Alabama restaurant where Bryant had eaten years prior and the one to whom Bryant had sent the autographed picture that became his pride and joy.  And with that one small act of kindness, Bryant unknowingly shaped a piece of his future, ensuring that his team would sign a valuable and extremely talented player.

It’s just another example of how the Power of Nice is always at work in our professional and personal lives.  And how, even when they seem utterly insignificant, our smallest actions can have an enormous impact on our lives and on the lives of others.  Although a busy and high-profile football coach at a major university, Bryant invested just a few moments of his time to brighten the day of a virtual stranger, and in the end got an enormous return.  And you can make the power of nice work for you in the very same way by planting the seeds of positivity wherever you go.  It doesn’t take a grand gesture, but simply a small act of kindness to create a positive impression. 

So, in our deadline-driven, on-the-go world, take the time to go that extra inch no matter how busy you are.  Because as Bear Bryant once said, “It don’t cost nothing to be nice. It don’t cost nothing to do the right thing most of the time, and it costs a lot to lose your good name by breaking your word to someone.”

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, October 22, 2009 - 8:06:38

What Would Emily Post Do?  Study Reveals High-Tech Etiquette Rules for the New Millennium

image courtesy of BloggersBase.com.

Fifty years ago, if you had asked famed etiquette expert, Emily Post, whether or not it was ok to bring a Blackberry to a wedding, she probably would have looked at you with quite a quizzical expression, wondering why anyone would consider fruit an appropriate gift.  But, in today’s high tech world where “twitter,” “blackberry,” “apple,” and “pearl” have all taken on new meanings, Americans are creating their own new rules for etiquette.  And weighing in on the findings of a recent online poll conducted by Harris Interactive, Anna Post, the great-great-grand daughter of etiquette’s grand dame and expert in all things polite, says that while times change, a little common courtesy never hurts.

The Harris Interactive poll, which surveyed 2,625 adults, found that while most people agree that technology is an unavoidable part of daily life, there are new self-imposed mores regarding its use.  Most notably, the vast majority of respondents agreed that texting, checking emails, and making phone calls while in a meeting, spending time with friends and family, or on a date was strictly off limits.  And using a cell phone, lap top, or other productivity device during a religious service or ceremony was considered particularly offensive. 

While we certainly agree with these common-sense tech-etiquette rules for the new millennium, there was one opinion listed in the article on TodayShow.com that we would like to sway.  According to the research, most Americans believe an email thank-you note is an acceptable substitute for a hand-written one and frankly, we disagree.  And so did Anna Post, telling TODAY, “I stand by the handwritten thank you note.”

Of course, we’re all for expressing gratitude in any form and sending an email to say “thank you” is a kind gesture that in today’s fast-paced society is an important step that should be taken within 24 hours of a job interview or business meeting.  But, in our opinion, nothing trumps the value of a simple, handwritten thank you note, so why not send both (and if you really want to get noticed, why not send it via FedEx)?  Your handwritten note will help to reinforce the sentiment in your email and serve as an additional reminder of your meeting.  And in an age of email-overload, who doesn’t feel just a little bit special receiving something other than a bill in his or her mailbox?

So, for all of you email addicts out there, the next time you find yourself opening up Outlook to send an electronic word of thanks, take a step back and ask yourself, “W.W.E.P.D. (What would Emily Post do)?”  Then dust off your old stationery and get writing.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, October 21, 2009 - 7:58:30

The Bad News Is…

In today’s tough economy, managers across the nation are being confronted with difficult challenges every day.  From downsizing, to budget cuts and mergers, many managers are faced with the unpleasant task of delivering bad news, but as Kevin Daley’s recent Harvard Business Review post reveals, the way managers go about it can be as impactful as the news itself.

In his post, “How to Deliver Bad News to a Group,” Daley writes that while most managers have received extensive training in one-on-one interactions regarding lay-offs and firings, many have little understanding of the importance of delivering bad news to a group.  And although the temptation of office-wide emails can seem like a quick, easy, and efficient fix, there is simply no substitute for the in-person announcement.

So, when the time comes to inform your team of an unpleasant development, it is imperative not only to gather everyone together, but to speak from the heart and allow time for questions.  As we often advise, start with the good stuff and let your team know that you value their hard work, but keep it simple and brief to avoid an anxious build-up from your audience.  Then, deliver the bad news in a matter-of-fact way that gives them the information they need without sounding accusatory or leaving anyone feeling hurt.  Finally, allow for a dialogue that continues after the official meeting and let your employees know that they can come to you with any questions that you can answer for them.  Inevitably, you won’t be able to resolve every issue, but your employees will appreciate knowing that you made an effort.

In our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we devote an entire chapter to what we believe is one of the most powerful nice principles: telling the truth.  And when placed in a tough situation, it’s one of the best things you can do.  Although telling people things they don’t want to hear can be difficult, you will find that doing so in a NICE way will not only inspire their trust in you, it will motivate them to do better.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, October 09, 2009 - 8:59:25

Become a Winning Team

Unless you work in a very specialized profession or happen to live in a remote part of the world, chances are that your job involves teaming up with your coworkers and collaborating on projects.  So, when you’re paired with a partner who is constantly missing deadlines, getting the data wrong, or simply not pulling his or her weight, you might start to feel like your own career is being sabotaged.  But, as Amy Gallo writes in her post on Management Essentials, learning to assess and address your coworkers’ weaknesses in a NICE way is vital to your shared success.

Although your coworker’s repeated mistakes may feel like a covert attack on your professional reputation, Allan Cohen, the author of Influence without Authority, cautions that assuming ill-will should always be your last resort.  Even though your coworker’s failures hurt you as a result, instances where employees underperform on purpose are few and far between.  So, instead of assuming the worst and bad-mouthing your colleague, step back and assess the situation objectively and then do a little detective work.
Take special notice of your coworker, focusing on the indirect issues that could be affecting his or her work, instead of the work itself and start asking questions.  Is his or her workload heavier than normal? Has he been ill recently?  Has she been coping with a difficult situation at home?  Do we simply understand our assignments in different ways?  Once you develop an understanding of the outlying factors and think critically about the situation, you will not only take your own heightened emotions out of the mix, you can address the problem more empathetic way.

When you set aside a time to talk one-on-one with your coworker, remember that your conversation is meant to help, not hurt, and resist the urge to play the blame game or go into attack mode.  Instead, talk to your coworker in a positive way, reminding them first of their strengths before airing your concerns.  Keep your tone matter of fact and to-the-point and take the time to brainstorm on solutions you can work toward together. 

In the end, your coworker will appreciate that you came to them directly instead of letting word of your frustration make it back to them through the rumor mill and by collaborating on ways to make things better, you can become a stronger team and excel on future projects.  And even better, as Gallo explains, NICE has its rewards: “By being generous now, you are incurring the obligation of your colleague to help you in the future.  This reciprocity is often what strong professional relationships are built on.”
So, the next time your coworker messes up yet again, take a deep breath, look at it as an opportunity to turn a negative into a positive and then be nice!  You never know what great strides you two could make once you take those first few steps together.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Tue, October 06, 2009 - 7:52:50

NICE is Infectious

With cold and flu season upon us, “infectious” isn’t exactly the kind of word most people want to hear right now, but there’s one way in which it’s still good to be contagious: by passing along a smile and a kind word.  By setting a friendly example through small gestures like holding the door, saying please and thank-you, and smiling at one another, we believe we can all help spread the NICE bug from person to person until we’ve created a nicer universe.

Don’t believe us?  Well, Today Show correspondent Mike Leonard didn’t have to look far to prove us right.  In fact, all he had to do was walk across the street:

At Grand Food Center, Leonard’s neighborhood supermarket, kindness isn’t a company mandate, but it’s something that has helped to distinguish the store from its local competitors.  With friendly staffers who greet every visitor by name and treat each other with respect, customers often remark that completing their weekly shopping chore actually brightens their day.  And customers have just one person to thank: the man who first planted the seeds of positivity at Grand Food Center over two decades ago.

Ed Embers’ friendly way with customers has kept them coming back to his deli counter at Grand Foods year after year.  But his polite demeanor hasn’t just helped the store stay in business during tough economic times; it’s actually played an integral role in fostering the market’s purveying atmosphere of congeniality.  Little by little, other employees have learned by his example and followed his lead.  And now, the diverse assortment of individuals who make up Grand Food Center are showing just how easy it is for people from all walks of life to be civil with one another.

As Embers aptly explains to his customer and NBC correspondent Mike Leonard, the simple act of being nice has universal benefits. “No matter who you are, if you can make another person’s day better, it makes you feel better.” Or, in the words of his coworker, “When you give out love, it comes back.”

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, October 05, 2009 - 11:16:31

Conan Banned from Newark Airport… and That’s No Joke!

A few nights ago, we tuned in to The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien and witnessed a very unusual turn of events unfold.  In his opening monologue, Conan remarked that his recent joke poking fun at the city of Newark, New Jersey had angered Mayor Cory Booker so intensely that he went on to post a YouTube video about it.  In his video lasting just over a minute, Booker attempts to teach Conan a lesson by “officially” placing him on the Newark Airport “no fly list.” 

As evidenced by O’Brien’s show later that night, Booker’s efforts of intimidation seem to have backfired and his video earned this unkind “apology” from the Tonight Show host:

Now, The Huffington Post reports that New Jersey news website NJ.com has gotten on Mayor Booker’s bandwagon and “banned” O’Brien from accessing their site, and it appears that what began as a mean-spirited joke on a late night talk show has turned into a full-blown feud.

While most of us aren’t political figures or Hollywood celebrities , the current controversy brewing between Newark’s mayor and Conan O’Brien serves as a reminder to all of us that the best way to deal with your critics is by harnessing the power of nice.  And although we certainly aren’t fans of mean-spirited humor, we feel that in this situation, both parties were in the wrong.

When O’Brien made the snarky quip about Newark, Booker could chosen to turn O’Brien’s negative into a positive and made a good impression with a kind gesture, like sending O’Brien a gift basket chock-full of the best things Newark has to offer or inviting O’Brien to join him on a tour of the city to show off its finest attributes.  But, the mayor chose to attack back and instead of quickly quashing the flames, added more fuel to the fire.  And to make matters worse, his negative response to O’Brien’s joke in the end only served to create a bad impression of himself in the eyes of others.

So, whether you’re a big-city mayor or just an “average Joe,” the next time you feel like you’ve been wronged, give yourself a minute to stop, think, and banish the negativity from your brain before you react.  After all, as the old cliché goes, “two wrongs don’t make a right” and nobody wins when everyone gets hurt.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, September 25, 2009 - 5:10:51

Do You Trust Me?

If you’re currently in the market for a new job or aiming for a promotion, that’s exactly the question you should have in the back of your mind when dealing with others.  As Alexandra Levit writes in a recent Wall Street Journal article, in this turbulent economic climate, now more than ever, companies and coworkers are placing a greater emphasis on trust.  So, when looking to get ahead, it’s important to establish an air of trust with everyone around you.  And what better way to appear trustworthy than by harnessing one very powerful NICE principle: tell the truth.

As M.R. Covey, author of “The Speed of Trust” explains to Levit, trust isn’t just an important factor when creating a solid relationship with your coworkers, it’s also essential for the successful and efficient operation of an organization.  “Everything slows down in a company with low trust. You see an increase in bureaucracy and redundancy, and excess policies and procedures.”  That’s why, he continues, “organizations are becoming painfully aware of how expensive this is, and they are taking steps to become trusted players from the inside out.” So, it benefits everyone, including you, to be more truthful in your day to day communications at work.

And if you think “the truth hurts” don’t worry: you can spare people’s feelings without sparing them the truth simply by using the tried-and-true technique we call the “Yes Sandwich.”  For example, if you have something difficult to tell someone, begin with a positive statement, then make your truthful-yet-tough statement, and follow up with another positive truth.

Occasionally, there are times when “the truth and nothing but the truth” won’t win you any friends—we’ve all encountered those cringe-worthy “do you like my new neon leopard stirrup pants?” moments when a little fibbing is needed to protect someone else’s feelings— but by and large, being honest and accepting honesty from others is a sure-fire way to build a trustworthy reputation and a successful career.  And best of all, it’s easy.  As Mark Twain once wrote, “The best thing about telling the truth is you never have to think about what to say.”

Whether you’re a seasoned manager or a new graduate, living by the mantra that “honesty is the best policy” will inspire confidence from everyone around you because not only will they know they can come to you when they have something difficult to say, they’ll know that you have nothing to hide.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, September 25, 2009 - 9:11:57

Teacher Turns Negative into a Positive and Creates YouTube Sensation

Dalton Sherman liked to talk.  He liked to talk so much that his teacher often grew frustrated with his chatty antics, which frequently disrupted the work of his fellow classmates.  But instead of simply punishing him for talking out of turn, she came up with a new way for the fourth grade student at Charles Rice Learning Center to channel his energy and put his stellar vocabulary to good use.  And in doing so, she turned a rambunctious ten year old into this:

Recognizing the unique strengths many exasperated teachers and parents might otherwise identify as behavioral problems, Sherman’s dedicated teacher, Irene Redmond, found a way to accentuate the positive and encouraged Dalton to put his young communication skills to good use as a competitive public speaker.  And by turning a negative into a positive, she helped the bright young boy to discover his gift as a brilliant orator and consequently turned him into a YouTube sensation.

With more than a half of a million YouTube hits to his name, the newly minted sixth grader dreams of one day becoming a television news anchor and having already spoken live in front of an audience of 20,000 people, we know he is well on his way.

Or course, Dalton Sherman’s story is just one of many amazing examples of how people from all walks of life can harness the power of nice to look at a problem with a new set of eyes.  As managers, teachers, parents, and friends, we all will encounter difficult situations with others, whether it’s a hot-headed employee, excitable child, or prying neighbor.  But, the next time you’re ready to confront someone about their weaknesses, take a minute to get to the root of the so-called problem, find a way to redirect it and as the old saying goes, “turn lemons into lemonade.” 

Have you ever taken a negative and turned it into a positive in your own life?  Share your own NICE story with a comment below!

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, September 21, 2009 - 12:03:35

Competition?  It’s as Easy as (Baking a Bigger) Pie!

Earlier this week, we read a thoughtful post on competition by the always-intriguing, Chris Brogan.  In his post, Brogan discusses a number of effective ways to succeed in the marketplace, from providing excellent customer care (like Zappos.com) to giving a valuable service for free (such as the free-to-read HARO newsletter).  And all this talk about competition got us thinking about one POWER OF NICE principle that has helped us to remain one of the top advertising agencies in the industry today.  When you’re looking to get your piece of the pie, sometimes the best thing to do is bake a bigger one.

While Brogan discusses the positive methods businesses can use in order to make their mark, in today’s dog-eat-dog business world, many of us still operate with the philosophy that we have to elbow out the competition in order to snag our piece of the pie.  Otherwise, you’ll just be left with the dried up crumbs.  But, we’ve learned from experience that that idea isn’t only outdated, it’s just plain wrong. 

In fact, you just might find that you can actually enjoy greater success when you work with your so-called enemies.  Sure, everyone has the natural desire to crush the competition, but some of the greatest successes in business have actually come out of some very unlikely partnerships.  Consider, for example, Sony and Samsung’s legendary joint venture.  Separately, each company battled to design the top selling flat screen television, but neither one was able to dominate the market.  So in a controversial move, the two joined forces on the S-LCD project that would revolutionize a market once flooded with plasma screens.  Working together, the two tech giants developed a new high-quality, yet cost effective LCD screen that became an instant hit with consumers, allowing both companies to enjoy a healthy slice of the pie.

And “baking a bigger pie” doesn’t just apply to companies competing against one another; it can actually help you to with your pseudo-competition at work or even at school.  For most of us, competition resides mainly in our minds, so when you change your perceptions you can revolutionize the way you perform at work.  And what better way to improve your productivity than to share the credit?  As Harry Truman once said, “It is amazing what you can accomplish when you do not care who gets the credit.”  So give it a try and surprise yourself.  The next time you’re in a meeting and you suggest an idea, don’t guard it or insist on being right.  Instead, surrender your ownership and let the group run with it.  Chances are you will find that you not only benefit from an improved concept, you will build your relationships and strengthen your team.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, September 16, 2009 - 9:27:13

We Need to Talk: A NICE Intervention

In light of recent events, is anyone else wondering when interrupting was deemed acceptable? With last week’s presidential heckling by South Carolina representative Joe Wilson and Sunday night’s outburst from Kanye West at MTV’s Video Music Awards, one thing has become very clear:  America needs a NICE intervention.

While West and Wilson’s stunts have provided a significant, albeit temporary boost to their media profiles, we wonder what, if anything positive could have come from their negative actions.  Given the plethora of West and Wilson related tweets that overloaded Twitter’s servers and the massive backlash felt all over the web, one can safely assume that this time, the general public is not amused. And as you might have imagined, as the authors of THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, neither are we. 

What’s our advice to the attention-seekers out there looking to get ahead?  Well, to borrow from the title of a chapter in our book: “shut up and listen.”  Sure, we all have opinions and we all like to talk.  After all, showing off for the crowd makes you feel good and gives you an adrenaline fueled rush. But, when you indulge your urge to speak over someone else you’re actually depriving yourself of even greater opportunities.  First, you miss out on learning something new and pass up on potentially life changing information.  Second, you lose the chance to make a great impression. 

Where positive impressions—like the one Beyonce made at the end of the VMA awards by her small act of generosity toward the slighted Taylor Swift—are like seeds which constantly grow and bloom, negative impressions are like germs, festering and growing exponentially from one source.  And the barrage of negative attention swarming around both Wilson and West shows just how quickly one little germ morph into a virus of epidemic proportions.

Although both Wilson and West have taken the first small step in making amends by giving some form of an apology (Wilson in a phone call to White House chief of staff Rahm Emmanuel and Kanye West on Monday night’s Jay Leno), there is clearly a long way to go before they can repair their images in the eyes of their former fans and we would argue that only by harnessing the power of nice can they truly hope to regain the trust and admiration of the general public.

Celebrity or not, perhaps now is the perfect time for a bit of NICE wisdom: be kind even when they can’t rewind.  Because deep down inside, you’ll know.  Even if you’re not caught on tape, rudeness, negativity, and mean-spirited actions will eventually help to form your own self-perception and this, in turn, will impede you from achieving your greatest goals. 

So, the next time you find yourself in a sticky situation, hold your tongue and give yourself a minute.  You just might find it’s a whole lot easier to be nice when you think twice.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Tue, September 15, 2009 - 9:33:47

Enter THE POWER OF SMALL Sweepstakes!

You’ve waited weeks to find out about our special SMALL announcement and the day is finally here.  We’re having a giveaway and anyone can participate!  Enter simply by registering on our website (to receive our confirmation email, you must provide a valid email address) and take a moment to peruse our blogs while you’re here.

Five lucky winners will be randomly selected to receive copies of our bestselling books, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness and THE POWER OF SMALL: Why Little Things Make all the Difference, along with one of the following fabulous prizes:

One iPod Nano, preloaded with the audio version of THE POWER OF SMALL.

A stylish set of stationary to write your own thank-you notes.

A twelve-month subscription to Zagat.com.

One gourmet muffin basket, which we hope you’ll share with a friend!

A Starbucks gift card worth $100.

So what are you waiting for?  Enter today and while you’re at it, tell a friend!

Read the full contest rules here.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, September 11, 2009 - 3:16:09

Who Are You Calling a Pushover?  Why NICE is Strong.

There’s a common misconception about the word “nice.”  Typically, when you hear someone described that way, you tend to infer that there’s just nothing else worth saying about them.  In other words, “nice” has mistakenly come to signify someone who is unremarkable, insignificant, and weak.  But, ever since we released our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we’ve been on a mission to change all that.  Why?  Because we think nice is the toughest four letter word you’ll ever hear.

So it goes without saying that we were a little disappointed when we heard an all too common question on NBC’s Today Show recently.  In a segment discussing Rachel Simmons’ new book, The Curse of the Good Girl, one viewer wrote in to ask: “My daughter is too nice and can be a pushover with her friends. How can I help her assert herself more?”

Of course, as the moms of two wonderful daughters, we’re all for instilling a healthy sense of confidence in girls from an early age, but we take issue with equating being nice to being a push-over.  Because in our experience being nice means being strong and you can assert yourself most effectively when you’re being kind, no matter what your age.

For adolescent girls, the dynamic between friends can pose a difficult situation. In this Gossip Girl era of Queen Bees and Wannabes, many girls, like the Today Show viewer’s daughter, find themselves surrendering their own power to a controlling “frenemy,” but instead of resorting to vicious tactics, girls can use the power of nice to protect themselves.  And as parents, it’s our responsibility to arm them with the information they need before they find themselves starring in their own real life version of Mean Girls.

If you need a little help getting started, why not try these NICE tips:

Give a compliment: While it’s rare for girls to physically bully one another, verbal abuse in the form of insults is a common way for “queen bees” to control their friends.  So, the next time your daughter finds herself as a target, show her how she can stand up for herself by saying something nice. If her clique’s leader snidely remarks, “Becky, those earrings are so last season.  Why are you wearing them?” your daughter can reply with a little humor, “Guess I missed that article in CosmoGirl! You’re so up on the trends.”  By diffusing the situation with a compliment, your daughter gives her friend nowhere to go with her attack.

Say No by Saying Yes: No, we don’t advocate that your daughter gives into peer pressure just to placate her friends; instead teach your daughter to resist temptation by offering an alternative idea that gives everyone something else to say yes to.  For example, if popular-girl Heather invites everyone over to her house while her parents are out of town, your daughter can suggest, “That might be fun.  Or, has anyone been to that new coffee bar that just opened?  I heard a bunch of people are going this weekend to try the frozen hot chocolate.”

Stay Positive:  There’s an old saying, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  But, in girl-world this can be a tough adage to live by.  But, let your daughter know that not feeding the rumor mill is the best way to stay out of it.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, September 10, 2009 - 2:52:33

Why Empathy is Key

Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons famously sang “big girls don’t cry,” but a recent study out of Tel Aviv University is shedding new light on the uniquely human phenomenon of shedding tears.  And as it turns out, crying might not actually be such a bad thing.  In fact, a little sniveling could be a key component to forming healthy personal relationships.  Why?  Because crying out of genuine emotion creates the important feeling of shared empathy. 

Like crying, empathy is a uniquely human trait entrenched deep within our DNA and one that has helped us to thrive as a species for millions of years.  As humans, each of us is highly attuned to the emotions and expressions of others, and empathy causes us to resonate with expressions of our own.  And in the case of tears, multiple studies have shown that across cultures, crying helps friends, families, and allies form closer bonds.

As we explain in our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, empathy has always been one of the key ingredients in our recipe for success and although crying at work probably won’t help you climb the corporate ladder, becoming more empathetic definitely will. 

Daniel Goleman, author of Primal Leadership, explains that empathetic people are not only happier, more popular, and luckier in love, they are more successful at work and it’s all because they are experts when it comes to recognizing the needs and emotions of their clients, employees, and managers.  And in business, being closely in tune with the subtle emotions of others can give you a real leg-up on the competition. In fact, it’s how we hatched the idea for the little quacking duck that became a household name.

Armed with an arsenal of company facts and figures, we started work on the Aflac campaign, but didn’t know where to begin until we scheduled a meeting with CEO Dan Amos.  While making a little small talk, Amos confided, “I’m just sick and tired of going to lunches where no one can pronounce the name of my company.”  Instantly, we knew the statistics didn’t matter and using our empathetic skills, tapped into his emotions to create the campaign that made Aflac one of the most recognizable names in the industry.

So take down your game face and try a little tenderness instead.  Whether you’re trying to comfort your spouse or close a deal, empathy just might hold the key to success.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Tue, September 01, 2009 - 9:49:18

Happy Employees Make Happy Customers

A few days ago, we commented on a very thoughtful blog post by Chief Happiness Officer author Alexander Kjerulf in which he posed the question, “Does happiness matter where you work?” and of course we answered with a resounding “YES!”  From the time we founded The Kaplan Thaler Group over a decade ago, we’ve operated with the philosophy that happy employees result in happier clients and now, as a billion dollar agency, we believe we’re on to something.

While we certainly take our business seriously, we also know that a happy, lighthearted atmosphere at work not only increases productivity, it actually makes for more creative employees.  And it was even scientifically proven by University of Michigan psychologist Chris Robert.  Don’t believe us?  Well, if science hasn’t sold you on the idea, consider how we have created some of the most attention getting ads in the business.

Before we begin each meeting at The Kaplan Thaler Group, we have a tradition of making small talk, cracking jokes, and making each other laugh in order to loosen everyone up.  We’ve found that by starting out having fun, we open ourselves up to better communication and stronger ideas.  And when dealing with a particularly “sensitive” topic, it can work wonders.  In fact, our little ritual not only loosened everyone up when we set to work on a new campaign for Trojan condoms, it actually inspired it.  After trading jokes about the eternal battle of the sexes, one thing led to another, and before we knew it, the Trojan pigs were snorting their way across TV screens nationwide.

And we’re not the only ones who know that keeping our employees happy results in even happier customers.  Just listen to what Southwest Airlines President Emeritus Colleen Barrett says in this fascinating lecture, forwarded to us by Alexander Kjerulf, to students at The University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business. 

So, take our advice and in the words of the old Summer Stock classic, “come on, get happy!” When you chase your cares away, you’ll discover the joys of a better, more productive workplace.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sat, August 22, 2009 - 4:03:26

If You Have to Fight, Fight Right

While perusing one of our regular reads, Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project, we came across an excellent post on the twenty-three phrases that help you fight right.  Although many times the best approach to an argument is to leave things “unthought,” there are, of course, other times when things simply must be said.  But as Rubin explains, it’s how you say them that makes all the difference.

When you’re in the heat of the moment, it can be alluring to go for the jugular with hurtful words and phrases, but if your ultimate goal is resolution and not total annihilation, then it’s imperative to avoid hurling insults, employing provocative statements (i.e. “That is just like you!”), and playing the blame game.

So, if you feel an argument approaching or one has already begun, take our NICE advice and give yourself a minute.  Before you let loose with an angry tirade, excuse yourself and take a moment to clear your head and find out for yourself why you are really angry.  Once you are able to articulate what is making you upset, you will be better able to communicate with your partner, and as Rubin explains, it is much more difficult to go back to yelling after you’ve had a little cooling off period.

In addition to Rubin’s list of 23 words, we’ve found that another highly effective way for you to help others understand your dissatisfaction is to start with the good stuff, state positive truths, and then explain in a matter of fact way the things that are bothering you. 

For example, if your laid back husband causes you to be habitually late to family functions, resist the urge to strike while your emotions are hot and instead of immediately barking, “Why do you always take so long? We were supposed to be at my parents’ by now!” take a moment to cool off and calmly explain, “You know my mom and dad love you and they always look forward to your visits.  So, it hurts their feelings when we are late.”  Instead of leaving him feeling attacked, he’ll feel empowered to make the change himself.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, August 21, 2009 - 11:44:05

The Best Advice?

Lord Chesterfield once said, “Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most always like it the least.”  Nearly four centuries later, his assertion still holds true.  Yet, even today, whether you’re a working professional, stay at home mom, new college graduate, or budding entrepreneur, it can sometimes feel like everyone wants to give you their two cents, even when you haven’t asked.

Whether at work or at home, receiving unsolicited advice can feel like criticism or even worse, an attack, so the natural inclination is often to go on the defensive.  But, before you turn a little advice into an all-out argument, try taking a step back and react with tact.  Even if you don’t agree with the other person’s “words of wisdom”, it’s usually best to respond with a simple, “You might have a point,” which gives them the impression that you will consider their opinion.

Even though their advice might feel offensive, if it’s from a friendly source, chances are it’s actually meant with the best of intentions.  So, assume goodwill and instead of feeling flustered, feel flattered. After all, they did take the time to think about you.

Or course, there are other times when so-called advice is truly intended as a passive insult, but you can deal with these “wise guys” with a tried-and-true NICE tactic: give them a compliment.  For example, if a nosy neighbor catches you off guard with, “You know, your lawn would look a whole lot better if you actually tried mowing it,” resist the temptation to make a snarky comment back and simply reply, “Yeah, I have yet to master your HGTV-worthy gardening skills!”

As with other kinds of bullies, people who adopt these behaviors often do so as a means to cope with their own insecurities.  By giving a compliment instead of a come-back, you remove any opportunities for a fight and leave the other person with a positive impression.

But, don’t take our word for it, try it yourself.  With your new NICE approach, you just might find people asking you for your thoughts.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sat, August 15, 2009 - 9:24:08

Got a Bad Feeling?  Go with Your Gut.

As Woody Allen once wrote, “there are some people you love, and some people you just want to pinch.” Inevitably, we will all come across people that rub us the wrong way and learning to deal with them in a NICE way is an important skill in making your way to the top.  But, as Tom Davenport recently wrote on his blog, The Next Big Thing, “jerks” in leadership positions can be more than just bad for your office morale; they can actually bad for business:

Jerks think they’re never wrong, but good decisions require acknowledging and learning from mistakes. Jerks are consumed with petty resentments and grievances, but good decisions require clear-headed, objective thinking. Jerks alienate other people, but good decisions require collaboration across a social network.

In other words, the very same things that make so-called “jerks” awful to be around make them terrible decision makers. Of course, this doesn’t mean that jerky people never make the right call and nice people never fail, but by and large, the unsavory characteristics of “jerks” make them less successful at work than their nice counterparts.  That’s why, when making a new business acquaintance or even a new hire, it’s important to fine tune your instincts to help you sort out the nice guys from the “pinchable” people.

The easiest way to do so? Try pressing your inner mute button and take notice of others’ body language and small actions.  When meeting for the first time, particularly when a job is at stake, everyone aims to say the right thing in order to make a great impression.  But, while someone’s lips may be uttering one thing, their non-verbal cues may reveal that they’re really thinking something else.  So, using the innate ability we all have to hone in on the small, but powerful details is crucial. For example, if someone constantly looks down and to the left, chances are they’re not telling the truth.  If a job candidate brings his own Starbucks to his interview without bringing an extra, you might be dealing with much more than just a “coffee snob.”

So, forget about what “the experts” have to say, listen to the powerful voice you have within, and trust your gut.  If your instincts are telling you something’s just not right, even if you can’t put your finger on it, they are probably right. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, August 14, 2009 - 9:17:04

Ward off Workplace Bullies with THE POWER OF NICE

Earlier today, we came across an article on Slate.com about the rampant presence of bullies in schools throughout the nation.  No matter what your generation, we all have memories of the big, mean kid who terrorized the most vulnerable students in his class, and it got us thinking about what happens to these big bad boys and girls when they grow up and go off into the workplace.  Well, as you might imagine, many of them adopt the same dog-eat-dog mentality of their childhood in an attempt to squash the competition in their professional lives. 

When our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, debuted several years ago, people were shocked by our counter-intuitive approach to making it big.  For many years, the prevailing wisdom was that nice girls don’t get the corner office, but through our own experiences we’ve found time and time again that nice people really do finish first.  And when encountering an office bully, you can harness the power of nice to come out on top.

There’s a common misconception about the word “nice.”  Mistakenly, people often believe that the adjective is used merely when there is nothing else to say about a person; or that nice people are wimpy pushovers who just can’t get things done.  Well, nothing could be further from the truth.  In fact, we think “nice” is the toughest four letter word you’ll ever hear. In business and in life, genuinely nice people walk around with the strength and confidence they gain from knowing they have the secret to getting everything they want without hurting their competition.  And when it comes to fending off bullies, it’s a real advantage because with the power of nice, you can transform your enemy into your ally with just a few little words.

So, how can you get started?  Try being empathetic.  Instead of thinking that their bullying tactics are rooted in their hatred of you or others, assume they are using you as a way to channel their own deep-seeded insecurities. 

Next time you find yourself if this situation, use our NICE tricks to turn their nasty comment into a left-handed compliment:

Bully: “That’s was a pretty ridiculous comment you made at the meeting.”
You: (laughing it off)
“Well, at least you were listening. Half the time, our boss doesn’t hear anything anyone says.”

Even though the bully was clearly trying to provoke you, your NICE response brings the bully’s attack to an abrupt halt.  When you deflect a negative comment by spinning it in a more positive light, the bully will have nowhere to go with his negativity and he’ll have no choice to move on.

So resist the urge to fight and say something nice!  You never know what could happen once you’ve got your bully in your corner.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, August 07, 2009 - 11:16:51

Say Something Nice

A few years ago, a college senior stepped out of her dorm feeling confident.  She was well rested, looking sharp in a brand new pair of tomato-red ballet flats, and ready to take on the first day of the new semester.  As she walked across the quad, she noticed someone admiring her fabulous footwear—or so she thought. “Nice shoes, Dorothy,” she heard the passerby mutter under his breath.  And suddenly, she went from feeling confident to conspicuous… all because of a few little words. 

But, what if instead of sarcasm, that comment had been filled with sincerity?  How could something as simple as a compliment change someone’s life for the better? That’s exactly what two students at Perdue University are on a mission to find out.

What began as a simple effort to enhance the everyday experiences of students on their college campus soon caught the attention of the media and now Brett Wescott and Cameron Brown (a.k.a. “The Compliment Guys”) are making their way across the nation on The Brightside Tour.  All summer long, Brett and Cam have teamed up with Kodak to spread a little kindness across this great land, one small compliment at a time.  And it’s all because the two college juniors discovered one simple but valuable truth: making others feel good, makes you feel good.

In fact, as we mention in our book, THE POWER OF NICE, giving a compliment is one of the best ways to flex your nice muscles.  So, lose the Perez Hilton snarkiness and channel your inner Compliment Guy.  If you’re naturally shy, don’t be intimidated; giving a compliment is a great way to break the ice and get a conversation flowing.  And if you’re worried about sounding phony, fear not; the mere fact that you’re sensitive enough to wonder about such things shows that you certainly won’t appear that way.

So, why not make someone’s day and give out a few free compliments of your own?  You’ll find life is so much better when you look on the bright side.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, August 03, 2009 - 11:55:34

How to Lose Like a Winner

There’s an old saying about life that goes, “You win some, you lose some,” but for Olympic champion swimmer Michael Phelps, for the past four years it’s been more like, “You win some… and then you win some more.”  At least that was the case until this week, when relatively unknown German swimmer, Paul Biedermann, not only beat him at one of his best races, he shattered Phelps’ seemingly unattainable world record.  In the days that followed, Phelps, a swimmer well-respected for his sportsmanship, engaged in some rather unsportsmanlike conduct.

Although he initially congratulated the victor, his extreme disappointment with the race results was already apparent as he attempted to walk away from the awards podium before the requisite photo-op.  Then, he and his coach, Bob Bowman, spent the next few days on the warpath, accusing Biedermann of having an unfair advantage for wearing the high-tech and soon-to-be banned Arena X-Glide swimsuit.  Unhappy with the FINA bureau’s current April 2010 deadline for the removal of the suits, the pair threatened to boycott national swim meets, with Bowman even remarking, “They’re going to lose the guy who fills the seats.”

While Biedermann’s choice to wear the speed-giving suit was an unsportsmanlike move in itself and Bowman and Phelps had a legitimate reason to question its use in their sport, their angry methods were less than admirable.  Rather than waiting for the appropriate time and place to address the issue, they vented to the media and even resorted to verbal intimidation.  And by resorting to such negative tactics, they garnered criticism instead of support.

We have an unofficial motto here at the Kaplan Thaler Group: “nice guys finish first.”  And it’s a great way to make sure you come out like a winner, even when you lose.  Inevitably, no matter how talented, intelligent, creative, or powerful you are, there are times when you will lose.  But, by using NICE to your advantage, you can still manage to come out on top. 

That’s why we always recommend that when faced with a frustrating situation, you take a step back before you act.  After all, things said in anger rarely make anything better.  So resist the seductive desire to attack when you feel you’ve been wronged and take some time alone to breathe, assess the facts, and figure out a way to approach the matter in a way that is cool, calm, and collected.  When you’re ready to state your case, remember to start with the positive and then move on to your concerns.  Instead of speaking in an accusatory tone, take a cue from Sargeant Joe Friday and tell them “just the facts, ma’am.”  Then, once everything is out in the open, you can suggest ways to make things better.  It might not grant the instant satisfaction that comes with an emotional outburst, but we guarantee it will leave you feeling like a winner.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, July 30, 2009 - 10:22:29

Hold that Thought!

When you were a kid, your mother probably told you, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  Well, although it might seem like kid stuff, that same advice has helped us make it to the top of our industry, proving again and again that NICE wins.  But that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. As we read on Gretchen Rubin’s insightful blog, The Happiness Project, one of the best ways to boost her happiness levels is to press her internal mute button when the things she’s thinking would be better left unsaid.  But, as the admittedly hot tempered writer explains, she often finds alternative ways to spout out a snarky comment.  And the trick to avoiding these verbal outbursts, she has discovered, is to leave nasty comebacks un-thought.

In the heat of an argument, this might seem like an impossible task, but by becoming more mindful of your own emotions and making one small but important change to your fighting M.O., you can accomplish this very zen-like goal.  The secret?  Give yourself a minute.

Yes, it’s really that simple!  When you feel angry or annoyed, instead of indulging your urge to fight, why not try “flight?”  Certainly, we’re not advocating that you become a doormat, but stepping away to be alone with your thoughts before an argument begins or during a dispute, will not only keep you from leaving lasting emotional damage, it will help you more effectively state your case, and more likely lead to an amicable resolution.

We know it can be difficult, but, if you feel a burning insult coming on, hold that thought and take a few moments to extinguish that smoldering fire.  Try going for a brisk walk, reading in another room, or even writing in a journal.  Once you’ve cooled off, you can more rationally and effectively discuss the things that were bothering you and find a real solution. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, July 27, 2009 - 1:13:24

Please Respond!

At The Kaplan Thaler Group, it’s always been our policy to answer every single email and phone call that we receive, whether it is from a chief executive officer or a “Mom in Chief” (as Michelle Obama calls the the head of household)  Even if it’s just a quick reply to confirm we got their email, or a short call to let them know we aren’t currently hiring,  but will keep their resume on file, we know that the simple courtesy of a response is a critical way to harness the power of nice. 

But as more and more talented candidates flood today’s ultra-competitive job market, we ’ve been hearing with greater frequency that many applications to companies across the nation simply go unanswered, leaving already anxious job-seekers wondering if their applications were ever received.  With the challenge of unemployment facing so many Americans, sending countless emails off into the ether only to remain unanswered can be a truly disheartening process.  So, we can’t stress enough how important it is for your organization to respond, whether it’s with a simple email, phone call, or letter.

After all of the hard work and energy job applicants put into carefully crafting their resumes and cover letters in hopes of landing a position with your company, the least your organization can do is let them know both made it to you – even if it’s just via an automated reply.  Although small, this simple action not only gives applicants the information they need, it leaves them with the positive impression of your organization as one that appreciates their time and effort.  Even if they aren’t the best fit for the position, at least they will know your company cares. And in this byte-sized world, nothing could be more valuable.

Employment seekers, hiring managers, and recent grads, we want to hear from you about your experiences in today’s turbulent job market.  Share your stories with us by sending an email to (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), following us on Twitter and Facebook, or commenting right here on the NICE Blog!

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, July 22, 2009 - 9:35:16

Say you’re Sorry

This week marked the release of Chris Brown’s long-delayed public apology for his highly publicized assault on ex-girlfriend, Rihanna.  Based on the chatter we’re reading on blogs and Twitter, it may simply be too little too late for Mr. Brown (his actions were indeed unconscionable and illegal), but all this talk about apologies reminded us of an excellent article we read in last week’s Wall Street Journal, which underscores the importance of saying you’re sorry.

As writer Brittany Hite explains, where apologies were once perceived as a sign of weakness, they now portray strength of character and integrity, which in today’s turbulent times are two highly desirable traits.  It seems that nowadays, managers, CEOs, and everyday workers can actually benefit from practicing a little contrition from time to time, instead of worrying that ‘fessing up might have long-term negative effects on their careers.

Sure, it might seem counterintuitive initially, but those who can occasionally let the other guy win by apologizing when necessary can actually “finish first” in the long run.  Don’t believe us?  Consider your own workplace dynamic for a moment.  Chances are each of you has encountered both the manager who refuses to accept blame when he is clearly at fault and the manager who clears the air, makes a genuine apology, and moves forward.  Who have you found to be a more effective leader?

Whether in your professional or personal life, expressing sincere regret is one of the best ways to make THE POWER OF NICE work for you.  It’s not about apologizing before you’ve done something wrong (and we all know at least one chronic apologizer), it’s about taking responsibility for the mistakes that you have made and saying you are sorry to the people you have hurt.  And remember, an excuse masked as an apology is never an acceptable substitute.  Simply inserting the word “but” can completely derail an attempt at reconciliation by negating everything you said prior. So, resist the temptation to say “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, BUT, my terrible cold put me in a bad mood,” and just say, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.  I’ll be more careful to pay attention next time.”

In the long run, making apologies a part of your NICE routine at work will leave others with a lasting positive impression, establishing you as a strong, confident leader, and inspiring faith in your management skills.  Translated to your personal life, apologizing reduces tension and instills trust in those around you.  After all, when you can readily admit to wrongdoing, you show everyone that you have nothing to hide.

So, forget about the blame game and say you’re sorry.  You’ll soon find out that it’s just one more way that NICE wins.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, July 20, 2009 - 1:21:45

People are talking about THE POWER OF NICE!

Nearly three years after our bestselling book, THE POWER OF NICE, made waves with its counterintuitive approach to making it big in the business world, people are still talking about how “nice” wins.

Our thanks to career coach, Andy Robinson for his wonderful blog post on the six principles that drive our NICE philosophy.  As Andy writes, “The energy of consistently being nice to others will return to you many times over,” and we couldn’t agree more.  So, thank you, Andy, for sharing your thoughts and to all you other NICE bloggers out there, we can’t wait to read what you have to say.
Want to connect with us about THE POWER OF NICE or chat about our new book, THE POWER OF SMALL?  Why not become a fan on Facebook or follow us on Twitter?

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, July 16, 2009 - 8:00:22

Watch your Tone!

At The Kaplan Thaler Group, we make NICE a way of life, so it’s no surprise that it’s our policy to answer every email we receive.  Whether it’s a heartfelt letter from one of our readers or an employment inquiry from a job seeker hoping to break into the ad industry, we make it a priority to respond to each one with a courteous reply.  But, in an age where email has assumed the place of face-to-face and phone communication, it’s easy for short, business-like messages to get lost in translation and that’s why we found David Silverman’s post on his blog, Words at Work, so thought provoking.  In it, David Silverman asks one very important question: “is your email business-like or brusque?”

When you’re feeling overwhelmed by your inbox, it’s easy to ignore the common pleasantries that accompany daily conversation in favor of efficient communication. But, you may want to take another look at your message before pressing the “send” button because, as Silverman explains in his post, a harshly worded email can make or break a business relationship.
Have you ever sent an email like this one to one of your coworkers?

        I would like this taken care of by Thursday this week. If you are having trouble getting this done, please let me know.

If so, you may have unintentionally ruffled a few feathers just like one of Silverman’s readers (and sender of the aforementioned offensive email) did a few months ago.  Although the sender simply intended to quickly follow-up on a project assigned several weeks prior and offer his assistance in case his employee was having difficulty, the recipient interpreted it in an entirely different manner and, in return, fired off a lengthy, four paragraph diatribe.

Although the email recipient was clearly out of line with his reaction, it’s an important reminder to all of us to practice NICE in every aspect of our lives.  Think of it as the Golden Rule for the digital age: “email unto others as you would have them email unto you.” One of the easiest ways to avoid unwittingly hurting your recipient’s feelings is to read your email aloud and if it sounds harsh, robotic, or passive-aggressive, consider starting from scratch and adopting a more conversational tone.  When you write your emails with your own voice, you reduce the likelihood that someone else will misinterpret them.  So, next time you’re ready to hit “send,” read that email one more time and ask yourself, “how would I respond?”

Posted by Linda and Robin

Tue, July 14, 2009 - 7:29:37

Making a Difference from your Mobile Phone

Are you looking for an excuse to buy the newest generation of the iPhone?  Well, thanks to a recent article on Forbes.com, we may have discovered one very good reason you should invest in that fashionable little gadget. It’s a mobile application called DoGood and it can help you make the world a little brighter one small step at a time.

Founded by two college students at The University of Michigan, DoGood aims to answer the question, “what if 300,000 people did the same act of kindness in a day.”  So, the two tech-savvy students who already designed mobile applications in their spare time developed a program that would automatically send one “DoGood” deed to its subscribers’ smart phones once a day.  And before they knew it, DoGood was a hit.
After premiering the application at Apple’s World Wide Developer’s Conference in April, the service had an immediate following that grew exponentially by the day.  With no marketing plan or intentions to promote the service, DoGood gained notoriety over the social media circuit, garnering hundreds of tweets each week and even inspiring active DoGood-ers to write in with their heartfelt stories.  Now, just a few months into their experiment, DoGood has over 15,000 users and is well on its way to being 300,000 strong.

Whether or not you sign up for the mobile service, the success of DoGood is a reminder to all of us that doing good deeds every day isn’t an impossible feat; in fact, can become automatic. As with so many things, the solution is to start small.  And you don’t even need an iPhone to do it.  Just give a few of our tried and true tricks a chance and you’ll on your way to creating a nicer universe in no time:

Mind your manners. Did you say “please” and “thank you” to the cashier at the newstand this morning or hold the door for a stranger on your way to work?  When you’re in a rush, you might think you just don’t have time to be courteous, but if each of us spared a second or two to go the extra inch, we could make the world a friendlier place and still make our deadlines.

Give back.Maybe you don’t have the availability in your schedule to spend hours volunteering for your local charity, but that doesn’t mean you can’t help out.  Thanks to modern technology and sites like Networkforgood.org, you can donate to your favorite organization without even thinking about it.

Say hello. It might sound crazy, but making small talk can actually have a huge impact in the lives of others.  In fact, as Annamarie Ausnes and Sandy Anderson explain in this video clip, it can even save your life.  So, stop and make a little chit chat with a stranger.  You might be the hero they’ve been waiting for.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, July 10, 2009 - 12:09:38

Meet Happy

As the CEO and President of The Kaplan Thaler Group, we attend our fair share of meetings, particularly during these very busy past few weeks. And with the beautiful summer weather now upon us, sitting in a conference room can seem more often like a chore than not. But long ago we discovered a great way to keep the sun shining even when we’re sitting indoors. While gathered around the table going over the latest and greatest creative ideas, we’ve found that the best way to make that time productive and enjoyable—to “meet happy”—is to make NICE.
That’s why, when we came across Gretchen Rubin’s recent post on her blog, The Happiness Project, we couldn’t help but smile.  In her weekly “Wednesday Tips” feature, Rubin explains her “14 Tips for Running a Good Meeting,” and we thought we’d add a few of our own.

Make Small Talk. What’s the best way to get the creative juices flowing?  Try shooting the breeze for a few minutes before getting down to the tough stuff.  It’s a habit we’ve adopted at The Kaplan Thaler Group that, among other things, helped us hatch the idea for our beloved Aflac Duck.

Lose the Ego and Let the Other Guy be Smarter   Usually, we think of intelligence in terms of IQ, but did you know that when it comes to problem solving, deal making, and other team oriented activities your emotional intelligence is what really counts?  So, quell that urge to toot your own horn and let your colleagues share their ideas. As Harry Truman once said, “It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.” So, stop competing and start collaborating! 

Whistle while you Work.  One thing that our clients have said differentiates us from other agencies is our tendency to laugh and crack jokes with one another.  Even though we take our work seriously, it’s important to make work fun.  After all, studies show that cheerful employees are also the most productive.

Set Boundaries. We’ve all been trapped in those never ending meetings listening to people talk in circles, but by setting a clear end time, you can avoid it altogether.  And don’t think you need an earth-shattering excuse to keep your meeting on a tight schedule.  As we learned from one wise editor, you are entitled to set your own boundaries.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, July 09, 2009 - 8:03:58

Never Stop Campaigning

image courtesy of AFLAC

Sure, nowadays we all know about the adorable quacking duck that made AFLAC famous. You can even follow him on Twitter or friend him on Facebook.  But, behind all the funny commercials and Gilbert Gottfried squawks created by The Kaplan Thaler Group, is one very smart CEO—one who has led the company from relative obscurity to one that is a household name.  And in his recent interview in The New York Times, AFLAC CEO, Daniel P. Amos explains that the key to his success is simply being nice.

When most of us think of climbing the corporate ladder in America, “nice” isn’t exactly the first word that comes to mind.  In fact, countless books with names like Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, have burned up the bestseller lists for years.  But, the success of Dan Amos, as well as our own story, shows us all once again that nice guys (and gals) really do finish first. And Amos’ most insightful leadership tip?  Never stop campaigning.

As Amos explains in his New York Times interview, one of the best ways to keep your employees motivated is to treat them all as if they had a vote in your managerial re-election. “You kind of try to kiss the babies and shake the hands and tell ’em you appreciate ’em and would like them to support you,” he says. “You can do it like a dictator, but I’m not sure very many of them in the long run are successful.”

Making connections to his employees is a key value for Amos, and one he looks for in potential hires as well.  Just like at The Kaplan Thaler Group, at AFLAC, snobbery won’t get you far.  So it’s no surprise that our client has a similar take on prospective employees. Sure, he recognizes that everyone will be nice to him, because he’s the boss.  But as a fellow stickler for the little things, Amos also notices how you treat the people who won’t impact your career and takes that into consideration when contemplating the next promotion or new hire.  Think that being polite to the receptionist or security guard isn’t important?  Think again.  Because in the current dog-eat-dog job market, it’s the friendly colleagues and candidates who stand out.

So, why not jump on the NICE bandwagon yourself and give the person standing next to you on the elevator a smile and a hello instead of a shove and a sideways glance?  You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, July 06, 2009 - 8:29:32

Think Before You Type

A special thanks to @amyconaboy for alerting us to this thought provoking blog post and asking us for our opinion.

On last week’s Small Blog, we discussed the importance of finding small joys in even the most unbearable of jobs.  After all, less-than-ideal employment situations are an inevitable part of entering the workforce and learning to cope with them is an essential ingredient in your recipe for success.  By smiling through the tough stuff, avoiding negativity, and presenting yourself as a positive force in the workplace, you’ll soon discover that NICE pays off.  So, you can imagine our disappointment when we discovered an open letter in the form of a blog post written by a disgruntled former intern to her employers at a company in Arizona. 

In the letter, the recent college graduate chided her supervisors for asking her to complete tasks which she felt were beneath her, including organizing office supplies, dropping off DVDs at a client’s office, and reading numbers off of a spreadsheet to help with projections and explains that she had expected much more of her prestigious and hard fought internship. In closing, the intern writes:

[Interns] want to learn as much about the business as possible and if you can’t provide that training we will find someplace else that will. That place might be your competition.

Yours Truly,
The Intern

When reading this ambitious and enthusiastic recent graduate’s post, we can’t help but cringe. By ranting and raving about the atrocities of her life as an intern, she violates of one very important NICE rule: never burn bridges.

Because someday, you may need your adversary to become your ally. 

Despite the pervading dog-eat-dog mentality of the corporate world, we made it to the top of our industry not with spears and intimidation, but with flowers and chocolates.  By making friends before they became enemies, we now have allies at every turn. And, “Intern,” you can do it too.  Big or small, we all make mistakes.  But, sometimes, it’s how you recover from them that makes all the difference.  So, we hope you’ll take this simple tip from us: when you’re out there in the cold, cruel world, just be nice!

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, June 26, 2009 - 4:13:50

Recession Etiquette Tips for Networking

If you’ve been to a party or family gathering recently, you’ve probably noticed that your conversations are a little different than they used to be.  In today’s tough times, it seems like every social gathering has become yet another opportunity to network…even when it’s not exactly what you had in mind.  That’s why a segment we saw the other morning on CBS’s The Early Show really caught our attention.  As you can see from this clip, our recession era calls for a new kind of etiquette, and Early Show financial contributor Vera Gibbon’s has the do’s and don’ts for our changing times.

Watch CBS Videos Online

Gibbon’s suggestions are spot-on and right in line with our NICE approach to making it in the business world, particularly her first answer on the etiquette quiz.  If when asked, “When networking at a party you should…” you answered, “choose one key skill/accomplishment to share,” then you might be a little confused as to why “say nothing about yourself” was the correct response.  Well, we can tell you.  It’s because, more than anything else, curiosity kills the competition.

Networking isn’t about standing on your soapbox and touting your greatest accomplishments to the masses.  It’s about taking the time to make connections with other people and in order to do so, you have to connect.  And the easiest, most effective way is by asking questions about the other person.  Not only will it spark the conversation, it will leave others with a great impression of you.  After all, you wouldn’t want to be stuck talking to the guy who brags endlessly about his Six Sigma Black Belt, so why would you want to emulate him?

In fact, the best conversationalists are many times the ones who talk the least.  It’s a trick our pal, Jay Leno, has used for years and one which he explains in our book, THE POWER OF NICE.  When you let others become the star of the conversation, you give their confidence a boost and that in turn heightens their impression of you.

So, next time you’re desperate to network, make like the NICEst of late-night hosts and ask away.  You probably won’t get an instant job offer, but you will make an instant connection.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, June 25, 2009 - 4:28:36

Negative Impressions are Like Germs

Okay, we’ll admit it.  Once in a while we like to kick back, relax, and decompress by watching a little reality TV.  Who doesn’t? From Real Housewives of New Jersey, to The Hills, to John and Kate Plus Eight, everyone has their favorite guilty pleasures, and more often than not, it’s the knock-down, drag-out drama that really keeps you entertained.  This week, a new show displaying reality stars behaving badly called NYC Prep debuted on Bravo, and it really got us thinking about one very powerful NICE Principle: “negative impressions are like germs.”

While celebrities like Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have made a career out of being reality TV villains, most of us will find that a bad reputation can derail your hopes for success.  Making a great impression is vital for anyone looking to get ahead in their professional career and you’ll find that it starts with the details. 

We often say, “Positive impressions are like seeds.”  They are planted with a small act of kindness, from courteously holding the door, to giving a friendly smile, and from there they grow and multiply, helping you along the way.  Conversely, negative impressions are like germs, spreading like a virus from person to person and slowly altering people’s perceptions about you.  Think that snub to a seemingly unimportant person at a networking event won’t hurt you?  Think again.  Those small interactions you share mold your identity in the eyes of others.

So, how can you immunize yourself against the spread of negative impressions?  You have to start by making NICE automatic and that means practicing the basics.  If you’re not already in the habit, you can start exercising those nice muscles with these easy tips:

“Please” and “thank you” are not optional. One of the quickest ways to appear rude is to forget those two important utterances when making a request.  Luckily, one of the easiest ways you can start making nice is by incorporating Mom’s two favorite words into your daily vernacular. So, instead of “I need 10 copies of this,” try “Could you please make me 10 copies?”

Say hello… to everyone.  Sure, everyone says “hi” to the boss, but it’s the people who acknowledge those who can’t help them get ahead who have the real competitive advantage.  So, next time you have an important meeting with a client, make sure to greet everyone you meet, from the receptionist to the CEO.  One little “hello” can speak volumes about your character.

Be kind without saying a word. We know you’re busy, but take those few extra seconds to hold the elevator, prop open a door, or assist a stranger with their heavy bags.  You never know who is watching.

Say “yes” to everything…even when what you’re really saying is “no.”  When you’re faced with an un-doable task, instead of closing the door with an outright “no”, find ways to keep that door open with an alternative “yes.”  Keeping things on the affirmative track automatically places you in a positive light.

So, reality stars and fans, take heed.  Your rude antics may be great for ratings, but they are also leaving a poor impression upon viewers.  And if you live in real life and not the Real World, remember that your smallest actions count.  The nice things you do now will pay off in the end.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, June 19, 2009 - 5:07:52

Go Ahead.  Make My Day.

In light of current events, you might be starting to think there is no good news anymore.  Each morning, we awake to more stories about American tragedies, global crises, and economic woes.  But, as John Baldoni writes on his blog, Leadership at Work,even amid challenging times, good news exists.  And the easiest way to find it is to make it yourself.

Baldoni writes that making good news isn’t about dominating the headlines with a heroic act or heartfelt human interest story; it’s about making efforts in your daily life to spread good cheer.  It might seem unimportant, but during these stressful times, spreading cheer isn’t just good for your spirit, it’s actually beneficial for business.

Don’t believe us?  Well, we can prove it.  At The Kaplan Thaler Group, we attribute much of our creativity and success to the high morale among our team members.  For example, to show appreciation for our employees, we took over an ice cream truck for a day and parked it behind our building, treating everyone in our office to a scoop or two of their choice.  As you might imagine, this NICE gesture did more than just boost their sugar levels, it raised their spirits and productivity as well.

But, you don’t have to rent an ice cream truck to make good news. By following these helpful hints, you’ll be flexing those NICE muscles in no time:

Give a compliment:  It’s one of the easiest things you can do to make someone else’s day a little brighter.  See a stranger walking down the street in a pair of killer heels?  A quick, “Love your shoes!” will be enough to bring a smile to her face.

Say thanks: We’re huge proponents of the handwritten thank-you note, but even an in person recognition of someone’s efforts will do.  If you have an employee who is doing a great job, acknowledge it and then express your gratitude.

Let yourself play:  Sometimes we all need to let loose, so after meeting a tight deadline, reward your team with a little play time.  Bring in board games or even a Wii to let your employees de-stress, while bonding at the same time.

Give it Away: Donating money is a wonderful way to help out a worthy cause, but for those pinching pennies, there are other valuable alternatives. Offer your skills free of charge to a charity or non-profit organization that interests you. For example, if you’re good with computers, offer to help them with their website.  In addition to providing them with a free service, you just might find they reward you with paying referrals.

So what are you waiting for?  Get out there and make some good news!  Then, report back to us with your NICE stories, via Twitter, Facebook, or in the comments.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, June 18, 2009 - 2:07:54

You’ve Got a Friend When You Least Expect It

A few days ago, we were perusing the Wall Street Journal online and we came across a great opinion piece by Tony Woodlief called, “Ya Gotta Have (Real) Friends” in which he discusses the importance of having friendships offline.  In essence, Woodlief argues that with all the popularity (and sheer addictiveness) of social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter and the tremendous value they offer, we can’t forget about the powerful role genuine friendships play in our everyday lives. And it got us thinking about an important topic we discuss in THE POWER OF NICE: making friends in the business world is a key to success.  And the best people to start with?  Your enemies.

Sure, it might seem counterintuitive, but one of the best ways to get ahead is to make people your allies before they can become your adversaries.  In the highly competitive world of business, you may find that your rivals can offer you help when you least expect it.  After all, what exactly is an enemy, anyway?  Unless you’re waging war, we’d venture to guess that in everyday life you’re so-called enemies are just other individuals who have the power to wound your ego.  Maybe it’s the coworker who gets the promotion or the enigmatic exec from a competing firm.  But if recent events in history have shown us anything, it’s that cooperation, not antagonism, leads to the greatest successes.

So, turn the tables and use the power of your “enemies” to your advantage.  Instead of letting them hurt you, let them help you.  Once you get into the habit of making friends wherever you go, you’ll find you’ll always have one when you least expect it.  Here are a few tips to help you get started:

Embrace the enemy: Imagine your three biggest rivals and think of a way you could help each of them that wouldn’t be detrimental to you.  Next time you see them, surprise them with your offer of assistance.

Wave Hello:  Sure, it’s a basic human greeting, but a simple wave is also a signal to others that you come in peace.  So, instead of ignoring your rivals, put them at ease with a quick greeting.

If you don’t have anything nice to say: ...Think of something that is!  Imagine the three people who irk you the most and then come up with one genuine compliment about each of them.  At your next meeting, instead of not saying anything at all, you can say something nice.

How does friendship play a role in your daily business dealings?  We’d love to know, so please share your thoughts with a comment, find us on Facebook, or send us a Tweet!

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, June 12, 2009 - 3:27:22

This Summer’s Hottest Diet.  Honestly!

With all the clouds and rain we’ve been seeing this week in New York, it’s hard to believe that we’re actually in the middle of June. But, with the prospect of beach weekends and summer clothes around the bend, many of us are once again hopping on the diet bandwagon.  Well, we’ve got the plan for you.  Forget about The Skinny Girl Diet, The South Beach Diet, or The Flat Belly Diet.  With our diet plan you can eat whatever you like: carbs, chocolate, bacon, you name it.  There’s only one catch: you can’t tell a lie.

It’s called The Truth Diet. It might not make you look better in your bikini, but we guarantee it will improve your appearance in the eyes of others.

Instead of cutting out “bad” foods like sugary sodas and white bread, The Truth Diet calls for you to eliminate the bad habit of telling little white lies.  While most of us veer away from big deceptions on a daily basis, for many of us, the little white lie has become a way of life.  For the sake of being “nice,” we compliment people on earrings we don’t actually like, make up phony excuses, and tell other supposedly harmless fibs.  But, all those half-truths and falsehoods can really weigh a person down.  After a week on The Truth Diet, you’ll discover that being nice starts with being real.  And by following these simple steps, you’ll be on your way to a lighter conscious and a guilt-free lifestyle:

Step One: Say goodbye to the lie. Make the commitment to yourself to give up lies of any kind for one whole week.  That means no calling in “sick” to work, no fake compliments, and no made-up excuses.  But, don’t confuse being honest with being brutal.  Undoubtedly you will encounter those sticky “do I look fat in this?” situations and it’s important to handle them with care.  After all, the honesty policy is supposed to enhance your relationships with others, not tear them down.  So, instead of telling an outright lie, offer up an alternative answer that keeps you honest, but isn’t hurtful.  For example, if someone asks you if you like their shirt and you really don’t, try responding, “It’s very unique!  Where did you get it?”

Step Two: Avoid temptation. Whether it’s a pint of Haagen-Dazs or a juicy burger, every dieter has a weakness, and the best way to keep yourself from indulging in it to practice avoidance.  The same goes for The Truth Diet.  If there are certain situations that trigger you to lie more often than others, it may be best to avoid them for a week.

Step Three: Don’t give up. Inevitably, you will have your slip ups, but don’t let them derail your efforts.  If you can’t resist the urge to fib once or twice, don’t be too hard on yourself; just recognize your mistake and get right back on track.

In the quest for success, we truly believe that honesty is the best policy and embarking on The Truth Diet is one of the fastest ways to help you harness the Power of Nice.  Being honest, even when it’s hard, not only inspires confidence, it builds character.  When you have nothing to hide, people know they can trust you, and especially in today’s business world, nothing could be more valuable. 

So, give The Truth Diet a try.  It might not help you fit into the season’s hottest trends, but we know you’ll look your best when you’re wearing your heart on your sleeve.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, June 10, 2009 - 1:02:46

Hug It Out

At some point in your life, someone has probably told you that “there’s nothing more important than a good handshake.”  Looking someone straight in the eyes, grasping their hands, and flashing a big smile has been the hallmark of the American greeting for generations.  But, according to a recent article in the New York Times and a companion piece on NBC’s Today Show, there is a seismic shift occurring among some of our youngest citizens.  Where there once were handshakes, there are now hugs.

Sarah Kershaw writes that teens across the nation have embraced hugging as the standard form of greeting in a big way.  Like a grassroots movement, hugging slowly-but-surely has taken over the teenage landscape.  The ultimate in low-tech social networking, hugging, it seems, is the next big thing.

Contrary to what you might think, teens explain that although there are many different types of hugs, they are in large part non-romantic.  Instead, they’re using the embrace as a way to say hello, express friendship, and establish connections.  Where handshakes, high fives, and fist pounds are were once the norm, students and teachers now note that the much more personal act of the hug is now considered commonplace.  In fact, one student even remarked, “If somebody were to not hug someone, to never hug anybody, people might be just a little wary of them and think they are weird or peculiar.”

But, not everyone is ready to jump on the hugging bandwagon.  In fact, fearing complaints and potential lawsuits many schools across the country have banned hugging entirely, while some students confess to feeling pressured to hug. 

Perhaps, the New York Times writer speculates, all this hugging is partially a result of all of the time teens spend socializing virtually through sites like Facebook and MySpace, making them long for a closer human connection.  Or, maybe it was fueled by the community-based, play-date centric approach many of this generation’s parents took. But, one thing is certain, students in middle and high school are using the hug as a way to say hello more than ever before. 

It makes us wonder, will there come a day when hugs replace handshakes in the business world?  Will people in the workforce adopt the teen trend and take hugging from the classroom to the boardroom? It may seem farfetched, but stranger things have happened.  After all, while today almost all of us will confess to being social media addicts, teens were the first to take part in the trend.

We’d love to hear your take, so chime in with a comment or follow us on Twitter to share your thoughts. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, June 05, 2009 - 11:12:28

Empathy Takes Guts

Time for another pop quiz!  After reading a fascinating article from The Coversation Starter on the Harvard Business Review Blogs, we just had to pose this question.

The definition of empathy is:
a. The act of feeling pity for another individual.
b. The power of projecting one’s personality into (and so fully comprehending) the object of contemplation.
c. The ability to practice kindness to a person in need.
d. The harmony of feeling naturally existing between persons of like tastes or opinion or of congenial dispositions.

For those of you who answered “b,” nice work!  Empathy is, essentially the ability to imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes and therefore completely understand their situation.  However, as many of you may have discovered from your answers to the quiz, it’s a very often misunderstood characteristic… and one that can play a huge role in your success in the business world.

In a recent post, Katherine Bell writes that “empathy,” the media buzz-word du jour has come to imply “an emotional impulse to root for the underdog,” making it sound like, as she describes it, “the softest of soft skills.” But as Bell explains, nothing could be further from the truth.  In fact, empathy is not only a true indicator of power; it is a critical trait of managers at any level.

Contrary to David Brooks’ recent assertion in the New York Times that the most successful CEOs are “organized, dogged, anal retentive, and slightly boring” instead of being warm, empathetic, team-players, Bell argues that the two sets of characteristics need not be mutually exclusive.  And we couldn’t agree more.  After all, we’ve credited our own success in the business world to two main principles: THE POWER OF NICE and THE POWER OF SMALL.  Without taking the time to notice the little things, sweat the small stuff, and dig deep into the tiny details, we are certain we would not be where we are today, but at the same time, exercising kindness, empathy, and compassion with our clients, coworkers, vendors, and associates has helped us not only climb to the top, but stay there.

As Lieutenant General William Pagonis wrote in a 2001 article for the Harvard Business Review:  “No one is a leader who can’t put himself or herself in the other person’s shoes. Empathy and expertise command respect.” And we couldn’t have put it better ourselves.  As we write in THE POWER OF NICE, being “nice” in the business world isn’t about being a push over.  It’s about rejecting the cut-throat mentality that says “nice girls don’t get the corner office” and using a counterintuitive approach to getting ahead. 

So, take the time to empathize with others.  Whether it’s your employees or your CEO, you’ll find there’s a lot of power in walking in someone else’s shoes.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, June 03, 2009 - 2:44:11

Jay Leno Says Goonight… For Now

Monday night ushered in a new era in the history of Late Night television, with the debut of Conan O’Brien at the helm of the Tonight Show.  But as we welcome the sure-to-be hilarious antics of the 6’6” red haired wonder, we wanted to take a little time to talk about the gracious and downright NICE ways in which his predecessor, Jay Leno has handled his move from the coveted late night hosting gig to his new home in the 10 o’clock slot.  Not only did Leno exemplify the epitome of class in the entertainment industry, he showed us all a thing or two about the ways we can put the power of nice to work in our professional lives.

Of course, we were fans of Jay Leno long before he wrote the forward to THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, but, our own off-screen experiences with him have shown us that NICE really is at his core.  Although we only had a passing connection to him, Jay personally phoned us a few years ago not only to offer up a few powerful stories for THE POWER OF NICE, he agreed to write the forward. Even though we were virtual strangers at the time, he went out of his way to lend us a hand, when there was clearly no incentive for him to do so, and in the process showed us once again that “nice guys” really do finish first.

And his final show inspired a whole new level of appreciation for his affable demeanor.  After 17 successful years as the host of America’s top-rated late night talk show, it would have been easy for Leno to spend his final episode highlighting himself and his own accomplishments.  But, instead, he used the night to say “thanks” to all of the other people who have helped him to make the show such a hit. From his staff and crew, to favorite guests, to the unexpected stars of segments like Jaywalking, Leno let everyone know that the Tonight Show wasn’t just about him.

In a particularly poignant close to his last show, Leno made one more gesture that exemplified his NICE approach.  He explained that in recent weeks, he was frequently asked what is legacy would be.  Reflecting back on it, Leno decided that his legacy wouldn’t be one of consistently great ratings or funny jokes, but something greater.  Leno then went on to describe his wonderful staff once again, most of which has remained unchanged since the start of his time as host.  Then, after running through a long list of staffers who married one another, he revealed a group 68 children of all ages, all born to Tonight Show staffers during the show’s 17 year run.  These children, he said, would be the show’s legacy and he couldn’t be happier knowing that their parents met on the set of the Tonight Show.

So, congratulations to Jay for 17 great years and best of luck on your new show.  We know we’ll be two of the millions of people turning in for your welcome return in September.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, April 01, 2009 - 12:58:25

Take the Nice Q Test

Want to test your NICE knowledge? 

Take our Nice Q test! Then, check out our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness and find out why it pays to be nice.

Click here to download the Nice Q Test!

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, March 27, 2009 - 4:13:45

The Power of Nice in Action

Ever since we launched The Power of Nice, we’ve received countless emails, letters and stories from people who want to share how the book has touched their lives.  One of these letters has re-affirmed just why we wrote this book.  It shows how The Power of Nice has the influence to improve the lives of many.

A man by the name of John Richter, who is the Program Coordinator for the Youthful Offender Population of the Orange County Jail in Orlando, Florida, recently contacted us to let us know how The Power of Nice has been incorporated into one of his programs for the youth’s. The purpose of this program, entitled Literature-N-Living, is to boost the youth offender’s thought process, reading, comprehension and grammar skills.  The youth’s are required to write papers, participate in discussions and are tested based on the book chapters each session.

The Power of Nice was incorporated into the class entitled “Chinese Bamboo” which is facilitated by Warren Kenner, and is a big hit with the young men.  The class tries to incorporate literary action with real life scenarios within and without the jail setting. 

A lot of hard work and determination by the youth’s and the facilitator go into these classes, and for some young men, it’s the first time they have ever finished a book or stuck a class out to the end.  Upon successful completion of the course, graduates are rewarded with a family visit where they can share a home cooked meal and their work with their loved ones.

Mr. Richter and Mr. Kenner shared with us that The Power of Nice has been very well received by the youth’s and that they have found it enriching, educational and empowering.  They were also kind enough to share a binder filled with pictures of the youth’s who graduated from the course along with copies of their papers and assignments.

When we read through all of the materials, we were so moved and honored to know that The Power of Nice is being used as a vehicle to help rehabilitate the these young men and will ultimately help to improve their lives, as well as the lives of others.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Tue, March 17, 2009 - 6:46:34

Bad Bosses Take Heart

When we were writing The Power of Nice, we uncovered many facts on how nice behavior can benefit your life. We learned that nice people are not only happier, but they are also healthier, have lower blood pressure and live longer. Now, a new study shows that if you experience bad behavior in the work place, your health could be at risk — and your boss is at the heart of the matter!

At some time or another, we’ve all thought that being over worked and over stressed can have a negative impact on our well being and could potentially be the cause of an illness or ailment. This new study, published just last week in the journal Occupational and Environmental Medicine, shows that it may not be your workload that’s affecting your health — it may just be your boss! Your Bad Boss!

The study was able to establish a clear link between management style and employee heart health, and to show the effects over time. Earlier research shows poor management causes employee burnout, depression and high blood pressure. According to a Swedish study that looked at 3,122 working men’s health records, employees who said their managers are passive, inconsiderate and uncommunicative were more likely to suffer from heart attacks. Those employees who thought well of their bosses were less likely to get heart disease.

To conduct this study, researchers used a standardized stress test and examined hospital records. On average, participants at the study’s start were 42 years old, highly educated and slightly overweight. Over the 10 years that participants were tracked, 74 had heart attacks or angina, all of which required hospitalization and some of which were fatal, the study found. Women weren’t included in the study because too few had heart problems.

With the eye opening findings of this study, it not only behooves us all to find a boss we enjoy working for that treats us with respect, but it should also be a wake-up call for those not-so-nice bosses. Not only are they risking the health of the employees that they rely on from day to day, but their behavior can result in higher health insurance costs for their company. Once again, it pays to be nice!

To view the full story, please visit www.bloomberg.com

Posted by Linda and Robin