Fri, July 23, 2010 - 10:54:00

Stopping Bullies Starts with NICE

Massachusetts’ recent passage of anti-bullying laws is the latest development in the continuing efforts to curb bullying in our nation’s schools. While the new statutes mark an important step forward, an Op-Ed in today’s New York Times explains that in order to truly conquer bullying, schools and parents must first lead by example to foster a culture of NICE and harness its power to effect substantive change.

As Susan Engel and Marlene Sandstrom write:

Children need to know that adults consider kindness and collaboration to be every bit as important as algebra and reading. In groups and one-on-one sessions, students and teachers should be having conversations about relationships every day. And, as obvious as it might sound, teachers can’t just preach kindness; they need to actually be nice to one another and to their students.

The assertion that kindness and collaboration are every bit as important as math and science may sound outlandish to some, but as two executives who have built our careers using those two essential life skills, we can vouch for it. Certainly, competence in math, science, reading, and writing are all integral to a prosperous future, but relationship-building skills like kindness, communication, and cooperation prove just as vital to long-term success—both professional and personal.

Contrary to the popular opinion that having an aggressive, bully-like mentality can help you score the corner office, the truth is being nice, sharing the credit, and playing as a team is what will set you apart as a leader of the pack. And as Daniel Goleman writes in his book Primal Leadership, it can also help you earn more money over the course of your lifetime. So, supplying children with the proper relationship-building tools during their formative years can prepare them to meet professional challenges far down the road.

But, being NICE doesn’t just make it easier to forge professional connections; it can actually lead to a happier love life and consequently safeguard health. In fact, a study out of the University of Toronto found that people who are considered congenial and kind have half the divorce rate as those who aren’t. And numerous studies, like one out of the Bloomberg School of Public Health, have found that divorced people suffer a 20 percent greater risk of chronic illnesses like heart disease, diabetes, and cancer.

Engel and Sandstrom explain in their Op-Ed that replacing bullying with a culture of NICE does more than make children happier; it can actually help them make better choices. Norway’s anti bullying program, implemented in the 1980’s reduced bullying by more than half—and as an unexpected side-effect dramatically lowered incidences of cheating and stealing within schools.

All of this is further evidence that The POWER OF NICE isn’t just a pie in the sky philosophy; it’s a transformational way of approaching every aspect of life. It can help you build a business, grow your network, or—as today’s New York Times shows—even shape the minds of tomorrow. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, July 23, 2010 - 10:51:07

It Never Hurts To Listen

Earlier this week, you probably saw the story of Shirley Sherrod, Georgia director of rural development for the U.S. Department of Agriculture, as it made its way across news headlines. After a two-minute excerpt of a speech she had given at an NAACP meeting was posted online, Sherrod received a barrage of criticism from politicians on both sides of the aisle and was asked to resign from her position. But, as Peggy Noonan explains in today’s Wall Street Journal, it all turned out to be a huge misunderstanding: the clip was taken out of context and it made a speech about racial equality sound like just the opposite.

Although the White House has apologized for the week’s events and Sherrod has since been redeemed by the very person she appeared to malign in the video clip, the story should not be forgotten. Instead it serves as a reminder to all of us of what can happen when you rush to judgment and forget to listen to the whole story.

As Noonan writes, in today’s wired world, “anyone can be the victim of a high-tech lynching, and because of this we have to be careful, slow down, look deeper.” It’s not enough to “shut up and listen” in the real world; you have to do it online, too.

In Sherrod’s case, if everyone had taken the time to sweat the small stuff and listen to the whole story before reacting in anger to one tiny portion of it (an excerpt she intended as an illustration of mistakes she had made in the past), we imagine the events of this week would probably have turned out differently. After the clip appeared online, viewers would have sought out the speech in its entirety and listened carefully before reacting—and then, instead of condemning the wrong person, they would point out that Sherrod’s comments were part of a decidedly different whole.

So the next time a little blurb rubs you the wrong way, give yourself a minute to consider the greater context and start listening with both ears. When you take the time to let others tell their story online or in person, you not only make sure you get the whole truth, you’ll keep planting those positive seeds wherever you go.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Tue, July 20, 2010 - 11:35:27

Fear Tactics Don’t Work at Work

This week on Business Week’s website, Liz Ryan lists 10 signs that you might be working in a fear-based environment—and, as you might have imagined her article really got us thinking. Although many managers still use this age-old tactic as a means to motivate their workforce, nearly every sign Ryan describes has the opposite effect. Instead of making employees work more efficiently, they become less effective and instead of productive, they become paralyzed.

British journalist Russell H. Ewing famously wrote, “A boss creates fear, a leader confidence.” But, unfortunately, “bossing” is practiced far too often. Fear-based work environments are often overrun with gossip, rumors, and a “Me vs. You” mentality and it can all be traced to several tell-tale signs of the fear-based office: secrecy, distrust, and lack of communication.

The problem with a fear-based workplace isn’t just that it inhibits people from performing at their best or that it’s the last place employees want to spend their time; it’s that it creates a relentless cycle of negativity. When NICE is practiced at an organizational level by true leaders, it fosters trust, communication, and honesty—and countless studies have documented that it results in heightened creativity, happier employees, and increased productivity. Repeated on a day-to-day basis, these positive actions build upon one another, allowing both employees and businesses to thrive.

On the other hand, fear begets more fear. When negative seeds are planted at work by “bossy” fear tactics, they can quickly overtake a vulnerable staff—particularly during shaky economic times. Collaboration stops, communication halts, and employees become suspect of each other’s motives. Instead of working together toward the common goal of strengthening the company, it becomes “every man for himself.”

So, although for some managers intimidation may seem like the easiest and most effective way to oversee a staff, it’s no way to lead. It’s true: using fear as a tool can accomplish some things: employees will always tell you what you want to hear and no one will question your decisions. But, will that help you build a lasting and successful business? A “boss” might think so, but a real leader will tell you otherwise.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sat, July 17, 2010 - 11:27:51

Can a Big Raise Make You Mean?

As the CEO and President of the Kaplan Thaler Group, we’ve learned first-hand that NICE is the most effective business philosophy. In the so-called “dog-eat-dog” corporate world, we’ve made it to the top not by stepping on the backs of others, but by smiling and shaking hands. 

In our book, we discuss how NICE people are happier, healthier, and luckier in love, and—contrary to what you might think—higher paid than their mean counterparts. But this week, one of our Twitter followers asked for our thoughts on a Wall Street Journal article entitled, “Does More Money Make CEO’s Mean?” and it begged the question: “Can a big raise turn a NICE guy mean?”

The article reports on a new paper published by researchers at Harvard, Rice, and the University of Utah, which concludes that “higher income inequality between executives and ordinary workers results in executives perceiving themselves as being all-powerful and this perception of power leads them to maltreat rank-and-file workers.”

But, the Wall Street Journal’s Robert Frank brings up a thought provoking-point that hits the nail on the head: “Perhaps the type of CEO that wants to be paid far more than his business’s rank-and-file workers also is the type of CEO that may not respect his business’s workers as much. In other words, that character, not money, may be the source of nastiness.” Like Frank, we wish the study would look at the underlying issues—the driving factors behind why these so-called mean CEO’s choose a specific course and what drives their actions.

In business, as in life, you will come across those who want to bake a bigger pie to share with others and you will come across the people who want to eat the entire pie themselves. In the end, only one comes out feeling satisfied—and we bet you can guess which one. Although, the “bigger pie” business person is driven and desires success, he or she also values the feelings and needs of others as much as his or her own. And that—in addition to being a hallmark of the power of nice—is the unmistakable trait of a good leader, no matter how much they earn.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, July 09, 2010 - 3:16:02

Surprise! Warren Buffet’s Tips for Success Have Nothing to Do with Finance.

“If you’re in the luckiest 1 per cent of humanity, you owe it to the rest of humanity to think about the other 99 per cent.” –Warren Buffett

Warren Buffett might be best known for his multi-billion dollar bank account, but the CEO of Berkshire Hathaway is also famed for his generous philanthropy efforts and winning advice on everything from business to parenting.  And although he’s even been nicknamed the “Oracle of Omaha” for his stock picking savvy, he could just as easily have earned the moniker for his brilliant words of wisdom.

In a conversation with the Huffington Post’s Willow Bay, the so-called “Oracle” shows no signs of slowing down when it comes to dispensing great advice and was kind enough to share a few wise words he’s been told over the years. But, what might come as a surprise is that Buffett claims the best advice he ever received wasn’t about art of investing. Instead, it had everything to do with the way in which you treat others.

Although the business world—particularly the financial sector—is often regarded as ruthless, cutthroat, and hyper-competitive, Buffett’s success serves as a shining example that you don’t have to “fight dirty” to make it to the top.

One of his favorite tips came from longtime friend Tom Murphy, who told him 40 years ago: “You can tell a guy to go to hell tomorrow. So, just keep your mouth shut today and see if you feel the same way tomorrow.”

While the phrasing might not have been the most delicate, Buffet says those words of wisdom were “terrific advice,” continuing, “I don’t know how many problems that’s saved me. You don’t have to stay up all night worrying about the fact that you didn’t tell it to ‘em.”

In other words, lashing out in anger at someone else is never productive. Although it might feel good in the moment, giving yourself a minute (or even better, a good night’s sleep) is the most effective way to handle tough situations and assure that you will communicate constructively with others.  After all, as Buffett once said, ““It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.” So, take his advice—and Tom Murphy’s—and weigh your words carefully before you burn your bridges with a fiery tongue.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, July 09, 2010 - 3:04:07

Michael Scott Can’t Teach You Much About Management, but Steve Carell Can.

Last week, The Office star Steve Carell announced he would leave his role as Scranton branch manager Michael Scott at the end of next season. Although his character’s management style can teach the rest of us little about the keys to success in the business world, it turns out the actor actually can. In a recent New Yorker interview, Tad Friend explains that many of Carell’s professional achievements are due to the actor’s immense talent, but his career success can also be attributed to his reputation as one of the industry’s nicest guys.

Friend writes, “Off-camera, Carell holds doors, waits in line, always has a friendly word, and never calls attention to himself.” As an actor who has made a name in Hollywood by becoming an indispensible member of ensemble casts performing largely improvisational comedies, Carell has used NICE to build relationships on and off stage.

In fact, the simple characteristic of being nice lends itself perfectly to Carell’s improvisational, team-centric brand of comedy—and surprisingly you can apply many of the rules of improv (as outlined by the Pan Theater’s David Alger) to your advantage in the business world.

Don’t block: The first rule of improv is to say “yes and…” which allows the scene to progress, instead of “no,” which breaks the actors’ natural flow. The same holds true in business, where we believe you can “yes your way to the top” even when what you really want to say is no. The key is to find something else to say yes to. For example: A computer-phobic coworker always asks you to help spiff up his presentations. Although you are happy to help, it’s eating into your time. So, instead of giving him an outright no, say yes by offering up a great online tutorial that showed you how to become a techno whiz.

Focus on the here and now: One of the most important rules of improv is to pay close attention to everything that is going on around you. That means listening carefully and taking note of people’s body language and subtle facial gestures. In comedy, doing so can help you get a laugh; in business it can help you make a deal.

Concentrate on characters and relationships: In improv, one of the best ways to change the tone of a scene is to concentrate on the relationships between characters. In business, focusing on the relationships coworkers have with each other can transform an office from a place of contention to a place of collaboration, which can lead to increased productivity—and profitability.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sat, July 03, 2010 - 9:35:07

Nice Bike

Every so often, we come across a book that echoes our NICE philosophy and touches our hearts. A few days ago, that’s just what happened when we received a copy of Nice Bike: Making Meaningful Connections on the Road of Life from the author, Emmy Award-winning keynote speaker and humorist, Mark Scharenbroich.

Written in a light-hearted, story-driven style, Scharenbroich’s book was inspired by—of all things—a Harley Davidson motorcycle convention he happened upon while travelling through the town of Neenah, Wisconsin.  Although surrounded by a diverse assortment of motorcycle enthusiasts—everyone from tough-looking, leather-clad bikers, to preppy professionals—he saw the amazing power two little words had to connect people from all walks of life: “Nice bike.”

Somehow, those words resonated with Scharenbroich and it became his motto. “Nice Bike.” Two little words driven by three positive actions: acknowledge, honor, and connect.
As Scharenbroich poignantly writes, Nice Bike is “not a technique; it’s a genuine interest in others and the willingness to acknowledge the talents and accomplishments of everyone.”

What better way to live your life? When you “Nice Bike” someone, everyone benefits. Not only do you make another person’s day, you make your own, too. It can come through even the smallest of actions. While you might not suspect it, one little interaction can have a powerful multiplier effect that can spread from person to person and plant positive seeds all around you—and that doesn’t just mean a better day. It means a better life.

To learn more about Mark’s new book, which includes a foreword by Mark Sanborn, please visit his website at www.NiceBike.com.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sat, July 03, 2010 - 9:31:33

It’s Not Personal; It’s Business. Or is it?

Today on the Harvard Business Review’s blog, Peter Bregman discusses the importance of friendships in your career development and he shared a humorous, yet powerful video which illustrates one of the most common misconceptions when it comes to competition: “I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to win.”

As the authors of THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we’ve long asserted that business is not a zero-sum game and that, in reality (or reality TV, in the case of the YouTube clip above), “being there to make friends” will get you much further than making enemies at every turn. 

There’s no denying that frequently in business there are times when there’s a perceived winner and loser: she got the big promotion and you didn’t; your company won the big pitch and theirs didn’t. And yes, the business world is a naturally competitive environment. But, the truth is that most of the time, it isn’t about “me vs. you”; it’s about collaboration and cooperation. So, the real key to success isn’t intimidating everyone around you. It’s making them want to work with you and have you on their team. It can help you climb the ranks and make you a more effective leader.

As Bregman writes, making friends at work doesn’t just make going into the office everyday more enjoyable. It actually makes you better at your job.  According to a Gallup study of 5 million workers ages 35 and older, 56% of people who said they had a “best friend” at work were considered engaged, productive, and successful.  Those who were more isolated? Only 8% could be described in equivalent terms. In other words, being ruthlessly competitive in an attempt to outshine your coworkers might get you noticed in the short term, but “being there to make friends” and consistently outperforming others as a result will provide a more lasting professional benefit.

And that’s not all: since people with friends at work are more likely to view their job and salary favorably, they are likely to be healthier than their “here to win” coworkers.  Studies have shown that people who are unhappy or overly stressed at work at a far greater risk of heart disease, high blood pressure and depression. But, by simply being nice, you can safeguard your health for years to come.

So, ditch the “Omarosa-style” plan for getting ahead and discover what the power of nice can do for you. Not only will it help you reach your goals faster, when you get there, you’ll know you deserve it.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sat, June 26, 2010 - 9:29:44

Are You a Workplace “Vuvuzela?”

Up until a few weeks ago, chances are “vuvuzela” wasn’t a part of your vernacular. But, with the oddly-named plastic horn making headlines after drawing complaints from World Cup athletes—not to mention viewers worldwide—chances are you’ve quickly become familiar with it. 

There’s no denying it: unless you’re the one making all the noise, the vuvuzela has little to offer. It’s loud, it’s relentless, and it’s downright annoying. So much so, in fact, that many have called on FIFA to ban the item from games altogether. And it got us thinking about one of our favorite bits of NICE advice: “shut up and listen.” So maybe it’s time you asked yourself: “Am I a workplace vuvuzela?”

The truth is most people like to talk; it feels good to be in the spotlight, get recognition, and feel noticed. Conversation—whether lighthearted small talk or serious dialog—can be a valuable tool in building relationships and fostering collaboration, but, when you become a human vuvuzela, droning on and on without letting others get a word in edgewise, you miss out on one of the most valuable aspects of communication: listening.

As Larry King once said, “I never learn a thing while I’m talking,” and if you’re a “vuvuzela” there’s a good reason why: you can’t hear a thing. It’s only when you stop making noise and give someone else their chance to “be smarter” that you can really learn.  Since you already know what you know, there’s absolutely nothing to lose when you listen, but if you never resist the urge to add your two cents, you could be missing out on something big.

There’s a reason why the vuvuzela isn’t included in orchestras around the world. It drowns everyone else out and it only plays one note. But, if you respect the dynamics of a conversation, add in your notes when called for, then rest and listen while others carry the tune, you can contribute to something greater—and in the process make beautiful music instead of a whole lot of racket.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, June 25, 2010 - 9:06:35

NICE is the Best Defense against Workplace Bullies

With this week’s release of the hotly-anticipated iPhone 4G, the company behind the latest must-have gadget has been a hot topic of conversation—and not just for its popular products. As the New York Times reports, the tech-giant once regarded as an underdog is now being considered by many—including the FTC—to be a bit of a bully, due to its stringent exclusions of a number of its competitors’ technologies from its products.

All this talk of business world bullying got us thinking about a topic that’s growing increasingly relevant in the lives of many adults: workplace bullying.  Today, bullying isn’t just found on the playground; it’s a serious problem that can follow people from their elementary school days, through adolescence, and into adulthood. 

In the face of bullying it can be tempting to isolate yourself from others, but whether between companies or between individuals, there’s one surprising way to protect yourself: plant positive seeds wherever you go and nurture your network of friends.

Why? Psychologists have found that bullies are typically attracted to people who are socially isolated, and therefore more vulnerable, while they tend to veer away from people who are part of a group.  Therefore, if you make a habit of planting positive seeds wherever you go, you will automatically—and dramatically—reduce your risk of being bullied in the first place.

But, if it’s already become a problem where you work, taking the NICE route instead of stooping to your bully’s level can make a world of difference. Why? Because instead of mirroring the bully’s negative qualities, you will appear more sympathetic in the eyes of others—and that will provide you with a support system that will naturally discourage your bully from attacking you.

For many who have encountered a bully, the first inclination may have been to strike back. But, contrary to what you might think, that’s not the best approach.  As the old cliché goes, “You can’t fight fire with fire.”  This is especially true when it comes to fending off a person who seems to relish pushing your buttons. As counterintuitive as it sounds, the truth is that when it comes to handling a tough guy, NICE is your secret weapon. So, use it to your advantage and discover for yourself how NICE guys really do finish first.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, June 18, 2010 - 9:24:42

Ann Taylor LOFT Uses the Power of Nice to Generate Online Buzz

Yesterday, several Ann Taylor LOFT employees tried on a new style of silk cargo pants, took a few photos, and posted them to Facebook.  But, instead of generating a few friendly “likes” from their family and friends, the photographs were the first link in a chain of positive interactions that have made international headlines today.  You see, the photos were posted to the Ann Taylor LOFT Facebook page, and were taken in response to direct feedback from their loyal fans. And they are proof positive that even in the digital realm, nice works.

The story really begins a few days earlier, when Ann Taylor LOFT staff posted new catalogue photos to their Facebook page featuring a lean and leggy blonde modeling the apparel company’s newest designs.  But, instead of receiving feedback from their fans about the clothes, they got a number of comments in which their customers expressed a desire to see how they might fit on “real” woman’s body.

Instead of deleting the comments or ignoring them altogether, Ann Taylor LOFT made one very smart—and very NICE—move. They listened. Instead of assuming they knew best, as experts in fashion, they opened up their ears to their fan’s complaints and used their newfound knowledge to make a positive impression.

And, as we like to say, positive impressions are like seeds—even when they’re virtual. In fact, thanks to the popularity of online social networking sites like Facebook, NICE has more power than ever before. As anyone at Ann Taylor LOFT could now tell you, every positive impression, kind deed, or act of goodwill has the power to “go viral,” and by using NICE as a guiding principle—whether professionally or personally—you can connect online in a whole new way.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sat, June 12, 2010 - 3:57:58

Learning to “Fight Right” with Your Spouse Can Fend Off Illness

If you’ve ever uttered “You make me sick,” while in a heated argument with your spouse, you might actually be right.  Recent research suggests that couples who don’t know how to resolve disputes in a healthy manner could be seriously endangering their health.

CNN reports that a study conducted at Ohio State University found that couples with positive communication styles healed faster from minor wounds than those who fought in a negative manner. Scientists found that the participants who healed fastest displayed the highest levels of the protective hormone oxytocin in their blood—and that, they theorize, is directly related to the overall happiness of their marriages.

Previous medical research has also concluded that happily married people have higher immune function, lower blood pressure, and a decreased risk of heart disease as compared to their unhappy counterparts.  And contrary to what you might think stress in a marriage can actually be more detrimental than stress on the job.

As New York Times Health writer and author of the new book For Better: the Science of a Good Marriage, Tara Parker-Pope explains to CNN, happy marriages have less to do with the quantity of arguments and more to do with the quality. So if you want to grow old together, it’s important to learn how to communicate effectively—especially when you’re angry. 

It all starts with being NICE. In our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World With Kindness, we discuss how kindly handling an argument or disagreement in a professional setting can actually help you strengthen your working relationships. The same goes for your most important partnership of all: your marriage.  The key is to stay away from insults, angry tones, and emotional outbursts and instead speak rationally, calmly, and positively when you are ready to do so.

Step Back: When you’re in the heat of the moment, it can be tempting to go on the attack.  Doing so might provide instant gratification, but it can have lasting negative effects.  So, before you say something hurtful while you’re under the influence anger, walk away and give yourself time to reflect on what’s really bothering you.  That way you can have a calm and productive discussion instead of a full-blown fight.

Start with the Good Stuff: People are much more receptive to criticism when it is prefaced by a positive truth.  Think of it as a way of saying, “I come in peace.” For example, if it was your spouse’s turn to wash the dishes two nights ago and they’re still piled up in the sink, instead of saying, “Do I look like a maid? Those dishes aren’t gonna wash themselves and it’s your turn,” try, “That dinner you cooked a few nights ago was delicious. And if you wash those pans tonight, I can return the favor.”

It’s Not Me vs. You: In our competitive culture, it’s natural to want to “win” an argument with your spouse, but that “Me vs. You” mentality does little to help a marriage. So, instead of trying to “crush the competition” change your outlook, and think of a fight as a “we” endeavor.  By working together instead of against one another, you’ll be able to amicably resolve your problems and move forward as a stronger couple.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, June 11, 2010 - 3:45:17

They Say “Money Talks,” But NICE Gets the Best Results

We’ve all heard the old expression, “Money talks,” but a recent survey conducted by McKinsey has revealed some rather unexpected findings—particularly in our tough economic times.  It seems that although financial incentives help motivate employees, the best motivators appeal to the emotions instead.

According to the study, 60 per cent of respondents rated performance-based cash bonuses as “effective” or “extremely effective,” but praise and recognition from an immediate manager was called “effective” or “extremely effective” by an even greater percentage of 67 per cent.  What’s more, respondents found all emotionally-based motivators—with other options including attention from leaders and opportunities for increased leadership—to be more effective than financial ones.

In other words, money still “talks” but NICE gets the best results. But based on the survey responses, many managers have yet to discover the power NICE has to enhance their employee’s performance and increase their company’s bottom line. When asked to assess the frequency with which their employers used such techniques, financial motivators like cash bonuses and raises reigned supreme.

With McKinsey’s newly released findings in mind, now is the perfect time for managers to take a second look at their current office culture and realize that NICE isn’t just a feel-good philosophy, it’s a sound business strategy—one that can boost employee morale, heighten productivity, and save companies money. The key is for leaders to stop thinking solely in terms of dollar signs and realize that sometimes the unquantifiable is just as important. For leaders looking to expand their company’s reach well into the 21st century and compete successfully within the global marketplace, emotional intelligence will be just as important as the rational kind.

So, whether you’re a CEO or a mid-level manager, take the time to communicate with your employees and let them know you appreciate their hard work.  By simply making your employees feel like they are truly valued, you can add real value to your company.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sun, June 06, 2010 - 10:34:22

For a More Perfect Union, Treat Your Spouse Like Your Pet

Could treating your spouse more like your favorite four-legged friend actually hold the key to marital happiness? According to a recent article in the New York Times, Long Island University clinical psychologist Suzanne B. Phillips claims that approaching your relationship with your romantic partner in the same way you might with your pet can actually help it succeed in the long term. No, she doesn’t mean keeping your husband or wife on a proverbial short leash. Instead, Phillips believes that the same enthusiasm, unconditional love, and forgiveness we show our pets is what’s missing from many human-to-human relationships.

Although at first the idea sounds silly, we think Phillips might be onto something.  After all, NICE is luckier in love—and science can prove it. A study out of the University of Toronto found that people who are friendly and congenial are half as likely to get divorced as the general population.  So, showing your partner a little more good-natured affection can have a powerful effect.

With an estimated $45.5 billion spent on cats, dogs, and other companion animals in the United States in 2009—a recession year—alone, it’s no question that Americans love their pets.  But how much affection are spouses getting these days?  If your own answer is “not as much,” perhaps it’s time to adjust your thinking and look at your spouse through the same eyes as you would your other companion.

As Phillips suggests, there are three areas where this works particularly well:

Greetings: First, close your eyes and imagine the way you greet your spouse after a long day of work.  Now, do the same, but replace your spouse’s image with your dog’s. Any difference?  Chances are if you’re like most folks, you were noticeably more animated when saying hello to your pet—and while you might not greet your husband or wife with a belly rub, taking a moment to smile, hug, and express your happiness to see each other can be a great way to reconnect and unwind from the daily grind.

Grudges: If your cat ripped a hole in your screen door, you would be angry, but you probably wouldn’t hold a grudge.  So, why do it with your significant other?  Sure, they might make you fume from time to time, but when you forgive and learn from the problem instead of holding on to your discontent, it can actually strengthen your relationship instead of slowly chipping away at it.

Goodwill: Assuming your pets actions are fueled by a sinister ulterior motive would be laughable, but what about those of the person who loves you most? Instead of reacting in anger to a mistake they made, assume goodwill and remember that however ill-informed, their action was probably well intentioned.  Then, think like a canine and as the Dog Whisperer might say, “Live in the moment.” You’ll find everyone—no matter what species—will benefit when you forgive and move forward with a clean slate.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, June 04, 2010 - 10:24:26

The Call Heard Round the World: What Managers Can Learn from Armando Galarraga and Jim Joyce

It was the call heard round the world, when Detroit Tigers’ pitcher Armando Galarraga was denied his chance at a perfect game after umpire Jim Joyce made what most sports fans have deemed a bad ruling. Not just a bad one, but according to New York Times sports writer Tyler Kepner, “easily the most egregious blown call in baseball over the last 25 years.” Immediately after Joyce’s ill-fated decision not to call out Cleveland Indians’ shortstop Jason Donald as he ran to first base, the public unleashed a tirade of mean-spirited remarks, Twitter insults, and even Wikipedia page edits. But, even as he missed out on a career-making dream, Galarraga came out a winner for one surprising reason: he was nice. And so, it turns out, was the “ump.”

General Motors director of Social Media, Chris Barger writes on his blog, Socially Speaking:

But a funny thing happened on the way to ignominy. Class shined through.
Joyce looked at the replays when he got to the locker room, realized with horror his mistake… and then called the Tigers locker room seeking out Galarraga, wanting only to apologize to him. Galarraga heard that Joyce wanted to talk to him… and met the ump, hugging him and accepting his apology. Tigers manager Leyland, who’d furiously berated Joyce at game’s end, reminded reporters that no one involved felt worse than Joyce did. Tigers players spent the rest of the night talking about how respected Joyce is by players as a good umpire, and how they knew the man had just made a mistake.

As Barger points out, athletes and officials aren’t the only ones who can learn from Galarraga and Joyce’s example—business people can, too.  As we write in our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, one of the marks of a truly great leader is a willingness to listen to what others have to say—even if it’s hard—admit when you are wrong, and apologize.
Contrary to what you might assume, it’s not a sign of weakness; it’s an indication of character.

Being NICE enough to face the facts, accept responsibility, and say you’re sorry doesn’t just encourage your employees and coworkers to model your behavior, however.  It actually builds trust and fosters communication on an organizational level.  And, as we’ve witnessed firsthand, increased communication and trust between coworkers leads to heightened productivity—which can mean a better bottom line for your company.

But, in order to encourage others to be open and honest—even with the tough stuff—there’s another important element that Armando Galarraga illustrates so well: forgiveness.  Sure, there are times when an employee might take an action that is, to borrow a word from Tylor Kepner, so egregious that it cannot be absolved, but most of the time mistakes are simply well-intentioned missteps that occur on the way to a greater goal.  Certainly, they shouldn’t be overlooked, but once constructive feedback is given, letting go and moving on is just as important. That way, others can learn from their errors and grow, instead of living in fear of their next one.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sat, May 29, 2010 - 9:18:52

You Don’t Have to Like Someone in Order to Be Nice

Earlier today we came across a great letter in the New York Times in response to an article published last week on the importance of having enemies as children.  While the article suggests that “when someone dislikes you, it may be adaptive to dislike them back,” we feel—like the author of the letter—that even if you may dislike someone, it’s essential to remain nice. 

After all, as Woody Allen once said, “There are some people you love, and some people you just want to pinch,” but no matter how much your personality may clash with someone else’s, being civil can not only help you navigate tough social situations, it can leave you looking like a winner—regardless of your age.

Throughout your life, it’s inevitable that you won’t end up liking every single person you meet, or vice versa, but that doesn’t mean you need to turn those people into enemies.  In fact, just by employing a few simple NICE tricks, you can steer clear of feuds with “frenemies” and plant positive seeds wherever you go.  For example, instead of allowing your foe to instigate an argument, why not smile, say hello, and give them a compliment the next time you see them as a gesture of good will? Not only will doing so calm any tensions that might exist in the room, it will boost your confidence, and leave a favorable impression with others.

Of course, when it comes to the turbulent ‘tween and teen years, coping with the world of Queen Bees and Mean Girls can be much more difficult, but NICE can work wonders. In this instance, compliments can also help—and you can show your daughter how to defend herself against a bully just by saying something nice. For example, if the Mean Girl in her pack remarks, “Why do you always look so babyish? Does your mom still pick out your clothes?” your daughter can reply with a little humor, “I guess I should hire a new stylist! You’re so chic—maybe you could help me.”  By diffusing the situation with a compliment, your daughter gives her “frenemy” nowhere to go with her attack.

But, even more importantly, doing so makes your daughter appear more favorable in the eyes of her other friends—and that means she’ll always have a friend to lean on when the going gets tough.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, May 26, 2010 - 1:01:00

The Biggest Work-Related Health Risk Might Surprise You

According to Mainstreet.com, working in an office all day exposes you to a number of serious health risks, from typing-induced carpal tunnel syndrome, to bacteria infested desks—which University of Arizona microbiologist Dr. Charles Gerba explains are often 400 times dirtier than your toilet at home.  But, new research reveals that the stuff around your office might not be the most dangerous thing in your workplace. In fact, working for a bad boss can actually have the most dramatic negative impact on your health.

The New York Times reports that numerous medical studies have concluded that unhappy workers are far more likely to develop heart disease, high blood pressure, and depression—along with a host of other ailments—than their happy counterparts.  Those who were over-stressed and overworked fared even worse, being an alarming 60 percent more likely to suffer a heart attack.

One of the main culprits for employee discontent and anxiety?  The annual review, which some experts argue if not conducted properly, is better not done at all.  As Mark Shahriary CEO of the Lucix Corporation explains to The New York Times, “People confuse the review with who they are. If they get a review saying, ‘You’re not effective at work,’ they would hear, ‘You’re not effective as a person.’ ”

So, in order to ensure an efficient and healthy workplace, it’s essential for managers to adopt a NICE approach if planning on conducting an annual review—or better yet, make a habit of consistently (and constructively) delivering feedback and establishing an open stream of communication every day of the year.

By utilizing simple techniques—like delivering a bit of criticism sandwiched between two positive truths, surprising employees with something fun as a way to say “thanks” for their hard work, or even making small talk with people from all levels of the organization—managers can not only make their employees healthier, they can make their companies healthier, too.  After all, when employees get sick less, company healthcare costs lessen and employees can be more productive.  And from a practical standpoint, nothing could be better for your bottom line.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Tue, May 18, 2010 - 9:07:02

Future Business Leaders Listen

Over the next few weeks, the blogs at the Harvard Business Review are running a series of posts on how leadership might look in the future. Each week, a different author outlines an essential trait or collection of traits he or she thinks will be indispensible when faced with the challenge leading an organization. So far, we have noticed quite an interesting trend: our NICE principles seem to be a key element of their future predictions.

Michael Beer writes that the next generation of successful business leaders must possess strong listening skills in order to effectively manage an organization, regardless of size. And perhaps most importantly, they must be willing to hear honest feedback from people at all levels of the company.

As Beer explains, in organizations with traditional leadership, people in “lower levels are hesitant to tell the truth and upper management are threatened by it.” But, the leaders of the future will see the amazing benefit listening provides, and use it to their advantage. The time of “hear no evil, speak no evil,” is fading away, and the time for open dialogue is upon us.

But, listening to your employees doesn’t just give you valuable insights into the workings of your company—it has an added bonus. Listening to your employees and showing a willingness to hear both the good and the bad creates an atmosphere of trust at the highest level of your organization. And when your employees feel like they can trust the people at the top, they will be more likely to cooperate with one another. And as we all learned in kindergarten, cooperation makes it happen, leading to increased productivity and stronger working relationships.

If you think it sounds overly idealistic, think again. At the Kaplan Thaler Group, we have long considered listening to be one of the most valuable skills an employee—or potential hire—can have. Although we all enjoy talking and sharing our “Bang Ideas” with one another, we also know when it’s time to give the other guy the spotlight. And that’s what can make the difference between a good business and a great one. After all, you already know about your own smart idea. But if you never take the time to listen, you might miss out on something even better.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, May 17, 2010 - 9:01:06

The Power of Smiles

On Thursday afternoon, locals in Baltimore, Md. gathered in the town’s Inner Harbor to put a smile on the face of the city—literally. As part of an effort to promote the city’s Department of Travel and Tourism’s new ad campaign, staffers organized to form the largest smiley face in history.  Viewed from above, it was quite a sight.  And after reading an article about that big grin, it got us thinking about the power of smiles.

It’s a topic that one of our favorite psychology writers, Dr. Carol Kinsey Goman wrote about recently in her weekly e-mail newsletter. In her article, she explains that the human brain is naturally programmed to prefer smiles over any other expression.  In fact, the eye can recognize a smiling face from more than 300 feet away. While, humans probably developed this gift as a defense mechanism, today, that same skill can help people begin to formulate a first impression before receiving a handshake or even hearing a word. What’s more, scientists at Duke University have proven that a person who smiles leaves a more lasting impression than someone who doesn’t.

In other words, if you want to be memorable, try flashing those pearly whites.

It might come as a surprise, but the simple act of smiling can do much more than make you appear friendlier to others.  It can actually make you feel better, too.  Goman explains that even when “faking” a smile, the action produces positive effects on your body temperature and heart rate. Plus, it can actually boost your mood.  So, even if you’re having one of those days when there’s nothing to smile about, giving yourself a big old grin in the mirror can actually lift your spirits—and as an added bonus, you might even make yourself laugh, which has even better side effects.

Just like laughter, smiles are contagious.  Sure, we’ve all heard people described as having an infectious smile, but it’s not just a figure of speech.  Goman explains that “facial expressions trigger corresponding feelings, [so] the smile you get back actually changes that person’s emotional state in a positive way.”  That, in turn, can encourage teamwork and even boost an entire office’s productivity levels—and as a result, make your company more successful.

Now, if that’s not a reason to smile, we don’t know what is.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, May 12, 2010 - 9:27:40

Transformational Leaders Have One Thing in Common: They’re Nice

Earlier today, we came across a fantastic blog post by Dr. Cleve Stevens on the Harvard Business Review’s blog, The Conversation, in which he discusses the key characteristics for transformational leaders.  No matter what industry, educational background, or professional credentials, Stevens argues that truly transformational leaders—the ones who can bring a company back from the brink—have one thing in common. They’re NICE.

Dr. Stevens writes: “It sounds touchy-feely, but people who are not both receiving and giving love — and by love I mean focused concern and action directed at another exclusively for that person’s good — cannot be fully healthy, biologically and psychologically. We usually think of love as beyond the pale in the work-a-day world, but the transformational leader vividly understands that tough-minded caring is essential to leading and developing a powerful, fully expressed workforce.”

In other words, having genuine concern for the emotional well-being, professional growth, and happiness of your employees is essential.  And creating a workplace culture with empathy and goodwill at its epicenter really can help your business succeed. 

Although we tend to describe the corporate world in vicious terms like “cut-throat” and “dog-eat-dog,” the truth is NICE is the wave of the future.  Traditional leadership mentalities, which Stevens describes as “I’m the leader — you’re the follower; I have something you need (money) and you have something I need (labor). So let’s make an exchange,” are falling out of favor, while leaders who motivate their teams with kindness, support, and cooperation are taking new leaps forward.

It’s not a Pollyanna philosophy; it’s a proven business strategy.  It’s what’s made The Kaplan Thaler Group one of the fastest growing agencies and it can help you get ahead, too.  When you realize that you can help yourself and others at the same time—that business really isn’t a zero-sum game—you can work together to achieve big things.  So, take a NICE tip from Dr. Stevens and put a little love into your leadership.  You might not expect it, but that so-called “soft skill” can help you generate hard earned profits.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, May 10, 2010 - 9:14:46

Some People Just Can’t Take a Compliment

Have you ever given someone a compliment only to be thanked with a roll of the eyes and an unbelieving huff? Well, contrary to what you might think, it might not have been because the recipient thought your compliment was insincere.  In fact, it could be because you need to brush up your own complimenting skills.

As Wall Street Journal columnist Elizabeth Bernstein writes, people crave compliments, but sometimes they have a counterproductive effect, leaving the recipients feeling more insulted than inflated.  So, it’s important to make sure what you are trying to say and what you’re really saying match up.

Consider for example the following scenario:

Two old friends—we’ll call them Karen and Michelle—run into each other at the grocery store and begin catching up on each other’s lives since they last spoke a few years earlier.  Karen reveals that she had a baby a few weeks ago, to which Michelle replies, “Wow, you look great for just having had a baby!”

Although Michelle was simply trying to make a kind gesture toward her friend, it’s likely that she unintentionally hurt Karen’s feelings, as her compliments could raise questions. “For just having had a baby?” Karen might wonder, “Does that mean I would look frumpy otherwise?”

That’s why you should weigh your words carefully.  If not, you might end up accidentally giving a back-handed compliment. For example, if Michelle had simply worded her compliment differently, saying “I never would have guessed.  You look fantastic!” instead of adding the seemingly backhanded “for just having had a baby,” the insult could have been avoided.

While being sincere is a good place to start, one simple way to keep your foot out of your mouth is to be specific with your compliments.  As Bernstein explains, replacing the vague, “You look nice today,” with the more specific, “That sweater really brings out the color of your eyes” is sure to please.  And to take it one step further, Bernstein suggests, use your compliment as a means to show that someone has impacted you.

Of course, learning how to give a good compliment isn’t everything.  At some point, you have to learn how to take one, too.  So, no matter how humble you are—or how unfortunately worded someone’s compliment might seem—just smile and say “Thanks.” After all, when you assume good will, you’ll start to feel a whole lot better.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, May 03, 2010 - 8:34:13

Is Your Dog a Better Listener Than You Are?

Recent poll results released Friday by The Associated Press and Petside.com revealed that a staggering one in three women believe their pets are better listeners than their spouses, and 18 percent of men felt that their furry friends made better confidants than their wives.  While the poll results might make you chuckle, they underscore a nagging issue that holds many people back from getting ahead—not just in love, but in all aspects of life.  With more platforms to talk than ever before, sometimes all you really need to do is shut up and listen.  And when it comes to lending an ear, pets could actually teach people a few tricks.

As animal psychologist Karen Sueda tells USA Today, “Pets are great because they provide us with unconditional support. They never talk back, never give us the wrong opinion and they are always there for us,” she said.

In other words, they know when to let others have their turn, and since they can’t interrupt, many owners feel more comfortable expressing themselves in front of their pets than they might in front of a talkative spouse. 

Of course, we don’t believe that you should never chime in or start a conversation, but by zipping your lips and simply listening to what others have to say, you can gain valuable insights and strengthen your relationships, both personally and professionally—and in business it can give you a powerful competitive advantage.

Consider, for example, the all-too-common scenario of a packed conference room in which everyone is busy contributing their ideas, but no one is listening.  Although everyone is working hard at sounding smart, how many people are actually getting smarter from the one-sided conversation?  The answer is: no one.  As Larry King once quipped, “I never learn a thing while I’m talking,” and he was absolutely right.  After all, you already know what you know, so why not find out what someone else might?

But, by stepping out of the spotlight and letting the other guy be smarter, you not only help yourself to potentially valuable information, you present yourself in a positive light. By showing people that they can speak freely in front of you without the risk of interruption or unsolicited commentary, you help build a network of trust which can aid you throughout your career.

So, the next time you’re presented with a great listening opportunity, don’t pass it up.  Instead, remember the lessons of our canine and feline friends and perk up those ears.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Tue, April 27, 2010 - 8:26:43

Taking Criticism Is As Easy As Pie

“Everyone’s a critic,” the old saying goes.  But learning to deal with criticism can be remarkably difficult, John Baldoni writes on The Harvard Business Review’s “The Conversation,” particularly when it pertains to your ideas.  Although taking “ownership” of an idea or project is generally thought of as a good thing, developing a strong emotional tie to the work you’ve produced can sometimes hurt you, and not just in terms of your feelings.  In fact, the way you react to criticism and defend your ideas can have a powerful effect on your professional success, so the best way to proceed is with kindness.

When others point out the flaws in your “baby” of an idea, it can feel like a personal attack, but instead of going on the defensive, flex your NICE muscles and react with tact.  And in order to ensure you don’t become overly emotional, Baldoni suggests mentally preparing yourself for the criticisms you might hear ahead of time.  That way, you can develop informed responses that are both thought out and congenial.

While few of us would react to criticism of a business idea with an angry, American Idol-style rant, a few of the best ways to handle hard-to-hear feedback might surprise you.  But, in fact, they can make you look like a winner, even if they’re not convinced your idea is.  So how do you do it?

First, start by expressing your gratitude—believe it or not, a little goes a long way.  Let your critics know that you appreciate their feedback and value what they have to say.  Next, give an understated compliment by telling them they are making good points of their own.  And finally, bake a bigger pie.  When you stop caring so much about whose idea it is and allow others to join in on the creative process, you will likely discover that the seed you planted with your original thoughts can grow tenfold when nurtured by other enthusiastic people.

As Harry Truman famously said, “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”  So, take your guard down, listen to what others have to say, and let them join in. After all, that idea you thought you needed to defend just might improve with a little help from your critics.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Tue, April 20, 2010 - 9:25:12

TOMS Shoes Discovers the Best Way to Loosen Purse Strings is to Tug at the Heart Strings

If there’s one thing that can really make our day, it’s witnessing a small, nice gesture from one stranger to another.  And if we happen to be wearing cute shoes while witnessing that random act of kindness, well, even better.  So, needless to say, when we came across a story on TODAY the other morning about TOMS Shoes, a company that makes kindness a key part of their footwear business formula, they had our attention.

As Jenna Bush Hager’s report explains, although TOMS was conceived in response to its founder, Blake Mycoskie’s experiences witnessing poverty while travelling in Argentina, it is not simply a charity.  Instead, Mycoskie has tapped into a revolutionary idea: using the power of NICE to create a business that not only makes a difference, but makes a profit.  In fact, after just four years in business, it’s already one of the top selling brands in department stores like Nordstrom.

For every pair of shoes his company sells, a pair is donated to a child in need.  And at $45 a pop, his customers can feel like their purchase is more than fashionable, it’s impactful.

Mycoskie believes that the idea of blending social activism and entrepreneurism using what he calls a “One for One” business model is the wave of the future and creates sustainable businesses that eliminate the need for endless fundraising. And since his shoe company first launched in 2006, it’s already inspired other big names, like Ralph Lauren Polo and Element Skateboards, to test it out.

It’s just one more example of how anyone really can profit from the power of nice.  Although we’re constantly bombarded by the message that business is a dog-eat-dog world, where only the fiercest can survive, TOMS shows that you truly can succeed by basing your business in kindness and generosity instead of greed.  So, if you really want your customers to loosen their purse strings, first, try tugging at their heartstrings.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, April 19, 2010 - 9:21:20

The Power of Praise

A few days ago, we came across Chris Brogan’s latest blog post, “Success Is Made of Little Victories,” and as you might imagine, it really struck a chord with us.  In it, Brogan describes how success isn’t defined by one big moment, but by a series of little victories accomplished in the process.  It’s a statement that’s right in line with our SMALL philosophy, so it made us even happier to see that Brogan is also a champion of NICE.  Later on, he writes:

The best thing you can do with success is share it. Praise others along the way. Be grateful. Thank others. Share as much of the stage and spotlight as you can. Hoard nothing. Instead, give as much praise away as possible and keep only what you can’t possibly deny to yourself. Your success was made up of many other helping hands. Do what you can to thank them.

As we write in our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, two of the essential elements in our formula for success are sharing the credit and offering compliments.  Although these two simple actions may seem insignificant in the so-called dog-eat-dog world of business, they can play a powerful role in your long term success, particularly when you’re in a leadership role.

One of the most common complaints of workers today is that they’re not recognized for their efforts and that in turn can be a de-motivator.  So, as a leader, it’s essential to not only compliment your employees for a job well done, but show your appreciation in other small ways, like treating the team to lunch or—as we did one hot summer day—organizing a surprise ice cream delivery.  Even though it might seem like an inconsequential action, these little gestures of kindness can go a long way when it comes not just to productivity, but also to employee retention.

And when those employees are encouraged by your own actions to share the credit, rather than guarding ideas, you’ll be even more surprised what everyone can achieve.  Harry Truman once said, “It’s amazing what you can accomplish when no one cares who gets the credit,” and it’s absolutely true.  When you come from a place of abundance and allow others to exchange their thoughts around and idea that was once just “yours,” you’ll discover that it can evolve into something exponentially greater—and that can be a boon for business.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sun, April 11, 2010 - 3:06:56

How to Ask for a Reference… and Make Sure You Get a Good One

In today’s challenging job market, the application process can feel more stressful than ever.  But, once you’ve landed that elusive interview, the real anxiety often begins when you’re faced with what many consider the most difficult aspect of changing employers: asking for a reference.  Fortunately, as Jodi Glickman Brown points out on the Harvard Business Review Blog, it doesn’t have to be as hard as you think.  In fact, with a little bit of kindness and consideration, you can score a glowing reference with ease.

Glickman Brown explains the process of asking for a reference in three simple steps: highlighting your reference’s credentials, providing them with a template letter, and offering what she calls a “no questions” asked policy. 

Why do these rules work?  Because they’re all about being NICE instead of pushy, overbearing, or invasive.  Although simply asking an associate if they would serve as a professional reference for you is certainly a step-up from providing their contact information to a potential employer without their knowledge, taking a NICE approach can set you apart from the pack.  Not only that, it gives you a better read on the situation and provides you with more confidence that their reference will actually be a good one.

Although providing a template letter to a reference may make you feel like you have an inflated ego, it’s actually a surprisingly thoughtful gesture, considering the hectic schedules most of us navigate on a daily basis.  After all, asking someone to write a letter of recommendation for you is a huge imposition and providing them with a suggested framework will make their job easier.  And as an added bonus, you’ll have the opportunity to highlight the skills you would want your potential hiring manager to see.

Of course, the true secret to ensuring you’ll merit a winning recommendation is to flex your nice muscles long before you need a favor from someone else.  By making NICE as automatic as breathing through simple acts like giving friendly compliments, being truthful, and listening to others’ ideas as much as your own, you’ll find the seeds of positivity you planted long ago will prove fruitful when you need them most.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, April 09, 2010 - 2:44:28

Amicable Splits

Earlier this week, the Huffington Post reported that long-time comedic couple Jim Carey and Jenny McCarthy had called it quits.  And like many other celebrity-splits of late, the two immediately took to the Twittersphere to discuss their break-up.  But, instead of hurling insults or playing the blame game, Carey and McCarthy took a decidedly different approach, offering each other compliments and well wishes.  And it got us thinking about the importance of amicable splits in your professional life, whether you’re the one ending the relationship or you’re on the receiving end of a rejection.

Throughout your career, it’s expected that you’ll make transitions, move on to new companies, and sometimes even find yourself out of work.  But, no matter what your reason for exiting, it’s essential to leave on good terms. 

Although handing in your two-week’s notice might feel like the perfect time to unload on your terrible boss, resist the temptation to make snarky comments, bad mouth your soon-to-be ex-coworkers, or indulge in any negative behavior before your departure.  Even your body language—a roll of the eyes here, an impatient hand on the hip there—is important, so pay careful attention to the way others may see you before you let out a smirk.  After all, you don’t want the last impression you leave with them to be a poor one and you never know when you might run into them again and for what reason.

Instead, why not take the high road and leave with a big thank you?  Whether you’re let go or are taking a job somewhere else, making the small, but kind gesture of thanking your coworkers and superiors for the opportunities they have given you in the past can actually go a long way in helping your future career success.  So, as the old cliché goes, no matter how gratifying it may feel in the moment, don’t burn your bridges.  They just might help you get somewhere someday.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Tue, April 06, 2010 - 1:37:15

NICE is the Secret Ingredient to Your Recipe for Success… and Happiness

In a thought-provoking New York Times Op-Ed piece Tuesday, David Brooks examines a popular topic of conversation these days: if given the opportunity, would you trade your personal relationships for professional success?  Many people mistakenly assume that in order to ascend the ranks, you have to choose between the two, but, as Brooks goes on to explain, they aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive.  In fact, your successful personal relationships can actually be integral to your long term achievements—professionally and otherwise.  In other words, when it comes to career success, over the course of a lifetime, “nice guys” finish first.

As Brooks writes, scientific research shows time and time again that “economic and professional success exists on the surface of life, and that they emerge out of interpersonal relationships, which are much deeper and more important.”

Not only have scientific studies shown that nice people actually earn more money than their cut-throat counterparts—a fact Professor Daniel Goleman discusses in his book, Primal Leadership—nice people are significantly more successful in their interpersonal relationships, including friendships and even marriage.  And, surprisingly, the success of these relationships may have more to do with happiness than any amount of professional accolades can bring.

For example, Brooks states that spending time with a group of friends as little as once a month can provide the same feeling of happiness as earning double your current salary.  And a happy marriage?  That can make you as happy as earning six figures might.  Luckily for nice people, they have all their bases covered; they earn more money, they stay married longer, and they have the essential relationship-building skills needed to maintain meaningful friendships.

That’s the power of nice.  Not only can it help open doors to new opportunities in your personal and professional life, it can actually make you more successful and happier, to boot.  So, stop thinking you have to stop caring about others in order to concentrate on your career.  Even if only indirectly, in their own small ways, they can actually help you make it big.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, April 02, 2010 - 9:03:55

You Can’t Lead Without Followers

If you’re a fan of THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, you may have heard of the author and Stanford University professor, Bob Sutton, whose “nice-minded” books include The No Asshole Rule and Weird Ideas that Work.  Sutton also happens to write an excellent blog called Work Matters and in yesterday’s post he brought up a very interesting point about leaders and the often-forgotten importance of the first follower.  “Another way to think about the leader here,” Sutton writes, “is he succeeded because he was sensitive to what would motivate the first follower and the other early followers.”  In other words, the best way to become a leader is to be nice.

In his post, Sutton summarizes the key points given by entrepreneur Derek Sivers during a recent TED lecture.  At the core of Sivers’ talk is the idea that followers have a less recognized, yet equally important, power as leaders themselves: the power to give authority.  In order to become a leader and not, as Sutton describes it, “a lone nut,” you have to get people to join you and the easiest way to do so is by observing these NICE rules:

Listen. When you think of a leader, the image of an imposing figure standing at a podium while addressing a crowd may spring to mind.  But, in reality, that’s not the most effective way to earn an audience.  In fact, one of the best ways to connect with people and gain their trust is simply by asking good questions and intently listening. In the process, you will also gain valuable insights that can provide a competitive advantage.

Put your head on their shoulders. Although the importance of empathy has been downplayed in the workplace, science says otherwise.  Research out of the University of Tel Aviv released last year shows that empathy is a uniquely human trait entrenched deep within our DNA and one that has helped us to thrive as a species for millions of years.  As humans, each of us is highly attuned to the emotions and expressions of others, and empathy causes us to resonate with expressions of our own.  In essence, empathy helps people form bonds more readily, and when looking for followers, this can prove vital.

Tell the truth.  One of the essential components of building trust between leaders and followers is the ability to communicate freely and telling the truth is a huge factor.  But, you must not only tell others the truth, you have to be open to hearing it, even if it hurts. 

Sweeten the deal.  It’s amazing what a small, nice gesture can do to lift peoples’ spirits.  Research shows that people who are happy not only are more productive and creative; they view others in a more favorable light.  By harnessing the power of your smallest acts of kindness, you will quickly see their outsize impact and find that first follower more easily.

Of course, we’ve all seen examples where people of influence gain power by force or coercion, but the best leaders are created by followers who trust, respect, and genuinely like them.  We’ve seen it time and time again in business, in entertainment, and even in politics, where people rise to the top of the leadership food chain just by capitalizing on the sheer power of nice.  And in times of trouble, when faced with the decision to stay the course or abandon ship, followers of NICE leaders are much more likely to show their loyalty.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, March 31, 2010 - 11:51:57

Dealing with Rejection

With April nearly here, many high school seniors are anxiously awaiting the arrival of their college admissions letters.  For some, that means a rush of excitement from being accepted, but for others, it means facing a disappointing rejection, possibly for the first time.  In Wednesday’s Wall Street Journal, Sue Shellenbarger explores the stories of a number of notable figures, including billionaire investor Warren Buffett, Today Show host Meredith Vieira, and media mogul Ted Turner, all of whom have one thing in common: they were rejected from their top choice schools.  But, as their subsequent success stories show, the best way to handle rejection—be it from your favorite college or from your dream job—is to turn the negative into a positive.

Warren Buffett explains to the Wall Street Journal, “The truth is, everything that has happened in my life…that I thought was a crushing event at the time, has turned out for the better.  With the exception of health problems, setbacks teach lessons that carry you along. You learn that a temporary defeat is not a permanent one. In the end, it can be an opportunity.”

Instead of dwelling on the negative, Buffett coped with his rejection from Harvard as a teen by looking for a new opportunity and applied for admission to Columbia University, where he was accepted. As a result, Buffett met business professors Benjamin Graham and David Dodd, the two men who would shape his future business philosophy, enabling him to become one of the wealthiest men in the world.  And while Buffett admits that the college rejection was traumatic at the time, he now believes that it was a defining moment in his life.

Whether on the job front, in the office, or in your social life, taking Buffett’s advice to heart can yield powerful results.  Although rejections often naturally result in anger, you can actually harness the energy gained from that emotion in a positive way and do something productive for yourself.  For example, if you didn’t get a job offer, why not recommend a friend for the position and write a sincere thank-you note?  While you might not see immediate results, you’ll plant the seeds of positivity for a possible pay-off in the future.

So, if you feel dejected after a disappointing rejection, think of Warren Buffet’s story and take heed.  Once you start turning the negative into the positive, you’ll discover his advice is priceless.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, March 31, 2010 - 9:55:40

The Confidence Domino Effect

If you’ve read our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, then you already know how the simple act of being nice can help you succeed in your personal and professional life.  But, did you know that being nice can also make you and everyone around you feel more confident?  According a recent Today Show segment featuring psychologist Dr. Dale Atkins, research has repeatedly shown that performing tiny acts of kindness can instantly boost your ego.  What’s more, science shows that confidence is contagious.

In the workplace, managers and team members can use what Dr. Atkin’s dubs the “Confidence Domino Effect” to their advantage in order to motivate employees and spur innovation and, surprisingly, this powerful domino effect can be started with something as simple as a smile.  In fact, as a study out of the Yale University School of Management points out, cheerfulness and warmth actually spread more quickly throughout an office than doom and gloom. So, one flash of those pearly whites can produce quite an enviable return on investment.

Although it’s inevitable that some days start out on the wrong foot—you’re late for the bus or you spill coffee on your shirt—you can break the chain of negativity before it becomes viral and kick start your confidence with one simple trick: a compliment.  For example, if you’re having a terrible morning, instead of silently trudging to your desk with a scowl on your face, smile and find one nice thing to say about the first person you see.  With barely any effort, you’ll actually begin to feel happier and more confident to boot. 

And even better, as you tip over that first domino, you can watch as everyone around you begins to hold their own heads a little higher.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, March 25, 2010 - 11:56:39

What’s in a Name?

There’s an old Chinese proverb that says “the beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names” and although the philosopher probably had a different intention when he uttered those words, the ancient wisdom still rings true when it comes to professional and personal relationships. 

At one time or another, we’ve all experienced that agonizing feeling of not remembering an old acquaintance’s name, and conversely, felt a wave of embarrassment when realizing someone else can’t recall yours.  As Whitney Johnson writes on The Harvard Business Review’s blog The Conversation, the simple act of learning and retaining names can prove to be one of the most powerful skills you can possess and it’s what has helped propel some of the world’s most influential figures to international prominence.

As we wrote in our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, and Johnson mentions in her post, former president, Bill Clinton, has a long-held reputation as a great connector, and one of his secrets is learning and recalling names—something he discovered while on his way to study as a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford.  While travelling to the U.K. by ship, Clinton made sure to shake hands and introduce himself to each person on board.  When asked why, he responded that someday he would be running for president and if he wanted to win, he was going to need a lot of friends.

Why is name recognition such an effective NICE tool?  Because, as Dale Carnegie once wrote in his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, “a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”  By acknowledging others by name, you make them feel more important and give them a healthy boost of confidence.  And that in turn, reflects positively back on you, allowing you to quickly and easily plant positive seeds wherever you go. 

So, stop asking “what’s in a name?” and the next time you are introduced to someone, give yourself a minute, repeat their name, and use it at least three times in conversation to imprint it in your mind.  Once you’ve gotten into the habit, you just might find you’re becoming more memorable as well.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sun, March 21, 2010 - 2:22:56

Business is Not a Zero-Sum Game

Earlier this week, while we were browsing the New York Times’ Business section, we came across an edition of one of our favorite regular features, The Corner Office, which really struck a chord with us.  In his interview with deputy editor, Adam Bryant, Container Store Chief Executive Kip Tindell explains that contrary to conventional wisdom there shouldn’t be a separate code of conduct for business and personal life and in reality, business isn’t a zero sum game.

“One of the things that really struck me was that most people seem to think that there’s a separate code of conduct in business from your personal life. And I always believed they should be the same,” he states.

As successful ad executives that rose to the top of our industry with flowers and chocolates rather than spears and intimidation, it’s a sentiment we echo wholeheartedly and one that we explore in our book THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness.  Although the rules of capitalism seems to dictate that there can only be one winner, the truth is that just because someone else succeeds it doesn’t automatically mean you have failed.

So, instead of shouldering everyone out of the way in order to get the biggest piece of the pie, why not bake a bigger one?  You’ll likely discover that your generosity isn’t just emotionally rewarding, it can be financially lucrative as well.

In fact, that’s exactly what happened when, after a disappointing fundraiser , The Breast Cancer Research Foundation joined forces with its biggest competitor on the charity circuit, The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.  Looking for a new way to recruit retailers for their “Cure Card” consumer loyalty donation campaign, BCRF executives realized that the smart move meant making their perceived enemies into their allies.  So they swallowed their pride, invited the Komen Foundation to help, and launched the “Love Cures” card.  Although the partnership meant splitting the profits, both groups discovered that together they could raise even more money for each foundation than they could if they had gone it alone.

Whether in your own experience working in the corporate world or even as a spectator watching reality shows like The Apprentice, chances are you’ve heard the expression, “It’s not personal, it’s just business,” given as an excuse for unkind behavior in the boardroom, around the office, or over email.  But, in truth, being hurtful, deceitful, domineering, or selfish does little to boost your bottom line in the long run, and especially in today’s “byte-sized” world, it can actually come around to hurt you in the end.  So, why not try a new recipe for success?  As leading executives from both the corporate and non-profit sectors can tell you, NICE is a key ingredient.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, March 18, 2010 - 1:39:57

Staff Members at Valley Baptist Medical Center Receive “The Power of Nice” Awards

A few years after the release of our national bestseller, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we’re thrilled to see how our NICE message is still helping others in and out of the business world. 

Earlier this month, Dr. Anne McCracken presented the inaugural “Power of Nice” Awards, a program she began as the Chief of Surgery at Valley Baptist Medical Center, and she was kind enough to pass along this photo of the recipients, each of whom go the extra inch every day by displaying kindness to hospital patients, visitors, and employees.

No matter what your professional field or personal endeavor, the simple act of being nice can have enormous rewards for everyone around you.  Not only will valuing niceness in yourself and others give you more self confidence, it allows you to spread positive seeds wherever you go.  And over time, that positive energy has a powerful multiplier effect.

So, if you know someone who is making a difference in your workplace, community, or even in your home just by being nice, why not follow Dr. McCracken’s lead and take a minute to thank them?

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sun, March 14, 2010 - 10:08:08

Small, Nice Gestures Can Increase Your Bottom Line

In this month’s Journal of Marketing Research, a new study published by Hong Kong University of Science and Technology professors Jaideep Sengupta and Elaine Chang suggests that flattery, even when insincere, can have a positive effect on consumers.  But, as the authors of THE POWER OF NICE, we believe that the most impactful way to create a good impression—whether with customers, coworkers, or friends—is through even our smallest acts of genuine kindness.  That’s why, when we read Chris Brogan’s story of stand-out customer service, it really struck a chord.  And especially for small enterprises like the one he describes, a friendly gesture can be a boon for business.

Brogan writes that every Wednesday, the owner of his favorite comic book store in Boston sends him a TwitPic of his weekly comics. “Not some weekly comics. MY weekly comics,” he underscores. 

Although the simple action of snapping a photograph with a camera phone and uploading it to TwitPic, takes just a few minutes, this little, good-natured act has not only helped to foster a friendship between Brogan and the comic book store owner, it has increased Brogan’s interest in comics and encouraged him to make purchases on a weekly basis.  And what’s more, the shop owner’s five-minute-a-week time investment has now earned him powerful word of mouth with a ringing endorsement on one of the web’s most well-respected and highly read blogs.

That’s the power of nice.

And you can make it work for you, too.  All you have to do is start with one little random act of kindness a day.  Whether you take five minutes to send a handwritten thank you note to a client whose business you value or help your customers carry their shopping bags to their cars even when they’re not heavy, there are an infinite number of little ways you can make yourself extraordinary in the eyes of others, just by being nice.  And in our wired world, they just might share the experience with their Facebook friends or write about it on Twitter, immediately extending your reach to possibly hundreds (or, in Chris Brogan’s case, hundreds of thousands) more people. 

Now, how’s that for a nice return on investment?

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, March 12, 2010 - 4:13:28

Finding the “Yes”

If you’ve ever been to a cocktail party or networking event, chances are that at some point you have ended up in a conversation that was going on a little bit longer than your schedule allowed.  But, navigating such a sticky situation can be tough; after all, you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings but you don’t want to be stuck in one place all evening.  So, how does one exit the conversation gracefully?  That’s the issue Jodi Glickman Brown tackles this week on—appropriately enough—the Harvard Business Review’s blog, The Conversation.

In her post, Glickman Brown explains a three-step approach to ending a conversation tactfully. First, she writes, start with a “thank you.”  Next, offer a spontaneous transition, such as “I would love to continue our conversation, but it’s getting late and I need to thank the host.” Finally, suggest what she calls “forward momentum or a consolation prize,” by encouraging the other person to keep in touch or simply by validating their points.

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves and it got us thinking about a concept we discuss in THE POWER OF NICE called finding the “yes” in the “no.”

Glickman Brown’s conversation-ending technique is a perfect example of finding the “yes” in the “no.”  Instead of abruptly cutting off the other person by telling them you have to run and leaving it at that, her “consolation prize” approach plants a positive seed with an alternative “yes.”  But, that’s not the only time finding a “yes” in the “no” can come in handy.  In fact, you can use it in a multitude of situations, from dealing with an underperforming employee at work to telling your 11 year-old she can’t go to the mall alone with friends.

For example, if you receive a piece of subpar work from a talented employee, instead of criticizing them with a harsh comment worthy of Simon Cowell, look for the “yes” and say “You always do such a great job, but I’m not sure this is up to your caliber.  Why not give it another try?” 

Obviously, you can’t say “yes” to everything.  With family commitments, hectic work schedules, and the demands of day-to-day life, there simply isn’t enough time to honor every request, and other times you just have to say “no.”  But, we’ve found that this positive way of doing so leaves everyone feeling good instead of guilty or dejected. 

So, stop trapping yourself in an endless chain of “no’s” and find that “yes”!  Once you get in the habit, you will discover it’s just one more way you can make NICE automatic.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sun, March 07, 2010 - 10:57:58

Lost and Found

Remember the old nursery school rhyme, “Find a penny.  Pick it up.  All day long you’ll have good luck?” If you’ve ever happened upon a shiny coin lying on the sidewalk, chances are it might have run through your mind before popping that penny in your pocket.  But, what if you stumbled across something more valuable—like a camera, wallet, or a piece of jewelry?  Would you leave the lost item where it was or would you make sure it found its rightful owner? 

As a recent AOL Travel article explains, a number of kind-hearted individuals are making it easier than ever to reunite with your belongings, all with the help of the Internet.

If you’ve ever misplaced an important piece of jewelry like a wedding band, a class ring, or an heirloom necklace, you know how upsetting it can be.  But, one metal-detector enthusiast decided to use his hobby as a way to help others and founded the website ILostMyJewelry.com, where he posts pictures of his latest finds.  “Most of this stuff isn’t worth any money,” site owner, David Stone, tells the Boston Globe. “It’s the sentimental value behind it that matters. I have some pieces that are worth something. They’ll have precious stones and be made of gold or platinum. You know someone is missing that.”

In order to claim their lost property, all the owners have to do is email him with a description of the location where the item was lost—no fees involved.  In fact, the only reward Stone is looking for is the good feeling he gets from doing good.

On the blog I Found Your Camera, site operators post images uploaded from lost digital cameras as a way to reconnect owners with the treasured memories they might have recorded while on vacation, on the town, or at the park.  Finders of the cameras simply email I Found Your Camera with at least four pictures and before long entries are uploaded to the site. Although small and uncomplicated, I Found Your Camera boasts countless success stories, all thanks to the kindness of others who went a little bit out of their ways to help a stranger.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, March 04, 2010 - 8:00:25

Think You Need a “Marriage Ref?”  Try Arguing the NICE Way.

It’s a given that at one time or another, all married couples will fight, whether it’s about money, family, household chores, or even a new paint color for the living room, and if you happened to catch the pilot for Jerry Seinfeld’s new NBC show, “The Marriage Ref,” on Sunday, you might have noticed there’s a certain comic value to the often inane arguments married couples endure. 

But, unless you’re on a reality show hoping to win a second honeymoon, hitting “below the belt” during a spat does little to help, no matter how gratifying it might feel in the moment.  Research has proven time and time again that NICE people stay married longer, and we suspect that one reason why could be that they know how to “fight right.” So, if you feel like you need a marriage ref in your life, try being NICE.

When you’re angry, it’s easy to fall under the seductive spell of your emotions and go on an all-out verbal attack.  After all, unleashing a tirade of personal criticisms and eliciting a response can make you feel more powerful, but if your goal is resolution and not total annihilation, it’s also a fatal error.  Instead, it’s best to give yourself a minute to cool off, regroup, and discover for yourself why you are truly angry.  Then, once you are feeling calm and rational, you can return to the conversation with an even temper and a fresh perspective, beginning your statements with positive truths rather than negative observations.

For example, if your partner’s repeated last-minute cancellation of plans with friends has you fuming, take a step back and resist the urge to go on a fiery rampage.  Then, when you have regrouped, instead of opening with, “What is the matter with you?” or “Why can’t you ever get your act together?” you can calmly and kindly explain, “You know how much our friends have been looking forward to getting together with the two of us.  So, when we cancel on them at the last minute, it really hurts their feelings.”  That way, you’ll motivate your spouse to take the initiative and make a change rather than forcing a new behavior.

Even if you’re not married, using this gentler approach to arguing can have a big payoff.  Whether it’s with a friend, a family member, a coworker, or a boyfriend or girlfriend, learning to fight constructively can help you resolve issues instead of exacerbating them.  And isn’t that what you’re really fighting for?

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sun, February 28, 2010 - 12:10:36

A Nicer ‘Net

Over the past few years, if asked to describe the overall tone of the Internet in one word, you might have chosen the adjective “snarky.”  With the popularity of blogs like PerezHilton.com, The Fug Blog, and FAIL blog, poking fun at others in a less-than-good-natured way seemed to be par for the course in the blogosphere.  But, as a recent New York Observer article points out, social media is starting to have a decidedly NICE effect on the way many of us interact online.

The Observer’s Meredith Bryan writes that although the internet has long been known for its unkind comments, message board flame wars, and blog trolls, today’s less anonymous forms of social media, namely Twitter and Facebook, are causing a kindness shift: “suddenly, wide swaths of the Web have become bastions of support and earnest civility, where community-members “retweet” or “reblog” each other’s bon mots, promiscuously proffer thumbs-up, help sell perfect strangers’ books, drive traffic to each other’s blogs and real-world events and even defend one another.”

And it’s a trend we’re happy to be a part of.  While reports of Twitter vengeance, such as the recent debacle involving several well-known New York chefs, still arise and sarcastic blogs still draw readers, there is mounting evidence that the culture of the Web is moving away from its old habits.  And as Bryan points out, today’s most popular social networking sites are even designed to unconsciously promote positive interactions between members ranging from close friends to virtual strangers.  For example, Facebook gives users the opportunity to “like” their friends posts, to “share” videos, and even prompts them to send gifts along with birthday-related Wall posts; while Twitter users frequently dole out compliments in the form of retweets and one of the most popular trending topics at the end of each week is “Follow Friday,” when Twitter followers recommend their favorite users.

Of course, not everyone is jumping on the bandwagon just yet, but the prominence of NICE power-bloggers like Chris Brogan and Seth Godin, along with the increasingly social and reciprocal nature of the entire webscape, points to a new direction.  So, the next time you get ready to unleash a scathing comment on your favorite blog, give yourself a minute before you press enter.  After all, the new way to conquer the web just might be with kindness. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sat, February 20, 2010 - 11:31:32

In Tough Economic Times, It Still Pays to be Nice

If you’ve noticed an unpleasant shift in attitudes in your workplace over the last few years, you’re not alone.  According to a recent Harvard Business Review blog post by Gill Corkindale, an executive coach based in London, many managers are using the tough economic times as an excuse to mistreat their employees, relying on fear tactics and intimidation as a way to keep their teams on task.  But, as Corkindale explains, whether you’re a middle manager, an entry level worker, or a high-level executive, having strong interpersonal skills is essential in business, in good times and especially in bad.  In other words, it pays to be nice.

At some point in life, nearly everyone will encounter the kind of bully boss who uses excessive force at work: threatening to fire employees, belittling staff, and withholding important information in order to use it as a weapon.  And although those methods may effectively keep workers submissive during a tough job market, managers who use them will have a difficult time retaining their best and brightest and remaining successful in the long run.

As the leaders of The Kaplan Thaler Group and the authors of THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we have found time and time again that the most effective way to get the best from your employees isn’t with spears and intimidation, but with flowers and chocolates.

Instead of shouting orders from the top down, NICE leaders make themselves visible and engage their teams in discourse.  They tell the truth, even when it’s difficult, and provide positive, constructive feedback.  And perhaps most importantly, even when times are tough, they take the time to make small gestures of appreciation to the people that help to make their offices great places to work.
For example, one hot summer day, we rented an ice cream truck, parked it behind our office building, and treated everyone at the Kaplan Thaler Group to a few scoops of Rocky Road and Fudge Ripple as a way to say “thank you” for all of their hard work.  And, it turns out it didn’t just provide a much-needed afternoon sugar boost, but an emotional one too.

So, to all of you bosses out there, take heed and remember that the benefits you get from bullying your employees are simply short term.  Then consider taking the NICE approach and find out what happens when you sweeten the deal.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, February 19, 2010 - 11:57:33

If You Can’t Stand the Tweet, Get out of the Kitchen

Before the advent of social media, when you dined in your favorite restaurant, you probably didn’t give much thought to the personal musings of the individual who prepared your meal.  But, now that blogs have become ubiquitous, along with sites like Twitter and Facebook, once-anonymous chefs are having their say. And according to an article in Tuesday’s New York Times, their online remarks aren’t always in good taste. In fact, recent tweets from the culinary world have landed a few chefs in hot water: sparking a shouting match, ending business relationships, and even resulting in a job loss.

Julia Moskin reports that chefs in the New York area and beyond are going online not only to air their grievances about others in their industry, but to confront their critics on user generated content sites like Yelp, ChowHound, and FoodBuzz.  But, instead of using their communications as a way to reach out in an effective way to their disgruntled diners, many chefs are lashing out.  One snarky post directed at Diana Takes a Bite’s Diana Hossfeld even reduced the amateur blogger to tears and, as the authors of THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we think this is cause for concern.

Inevitably, on your quest for success, you will encounter critics, but how your respond to their negative feedback can have a powerful effect.  Contrary to what you might think, your critics—or perceived adversaries—can actually become your greatest allies when you use the NICE approach.  The key is to take your emotions out of the equation and listen carefully with your rational brain.  By absorbing what they have to say with an open mind, you can use your newfound knowledge to your advantage, improve upon your weaknesses, and even turn them into your strengths.

Consider for example the story of chef Eddie Huang, whose Lower East Side restaurant BaoHaus received a negative review in the Village Voice.  Displeased with restaurant critic Sarah DiGregorio’s description of the texture of BaoHaus’ tofu as “slicked with mucus,” Huang took to the web.  But, instead of calling out DiGregorio on her lack of knowledge or inferior taste buds, he took the NICE road, inviting all Yelp.com users to come in for a free tofu bao—and this time he made sure each one was cooked perfectly.  Thanks to the influx of happy customers he received from the post, Huang not only won himself repeat business, he earned the chance to redeem his restaurant’s reputation and gained valuable positive word of mouth.

Although it might not have felt as immediately gratifying as writing a furious blog post or angry tweet, Huang’s kind gesture serves as a stellar example to professionals in any industry, and shows once again that no matter where you work, NICE works.  So, the next time you encounter a little negative feedback, take a step back, resist the seductive power of anger, and listen up.  After all, the person you think is your enemy could turn out to be your biggest supporter.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sun, February 14, 2010 - 10:50:53

Clay Shirky and Business Week Ask: “Are Working Women Too Nice to Get to the Top?”

A few days ago, we came across a recent blog post entitled “A Rant About Women” by New York University professor Clay Shirky in which he wonders if women “just don’t have what it takes” to break through the glass ceiling, a supposedly male quality he describes as “the ability to behave as self-aggrandizing jerks.”  But as women, successful executives, and the authors of THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we take issue not only with Shirky’s claim that women lack the means to get ahead, but with his assertion that “nice girls” finish last.

A few days after Shirky’s hot-button post hit the Internet, Business Week published a related article online in which it asks “are working women too nice to get to the top?” and we simply couldn’t hold our tongues.  So, we’d like to offer a bit of NICE wisdom: contrary to popular opinion, nice girls can and do get the corner office and we can prove it.

When we released THE POWER OF NICE in 2006 we garnered attention with one powerful, counterintuitive statement: “NICE is the toughest four-letter word you’ll ever hear.”  Four years later, we believe it as strongly as ever, but “nice” still has a bit of an image problem, as evidenced by the articles posted by Clay Shirky and Business Week.  So, we would like to clarify something: nice is not about being a pushover, a Pollyanna, or a wimp, nor is it about being a disingenuous glad handler who panders to her superiors.  Instead, nice people are honest, congenial, empathetic, and receptive and they use those strengths to their advantage to climb—rather than claw—their ways to the top.

The myth of Social Darwinism that has been propagated by our culture, that cut-throat “me vs. you” mentality, which Shirky seems to support in his “Rant” is simply that: a myth. The truth is, regardless of gender, nice people really are more successful throughout life.  It’s the way we live our lives and the way we built our business, The Kaplan Thaler Group, from a tiny start-up to an agency with a billion dollars in billings in under a decade.

Time and time again, researchers have found that nice people make more money, are luckier in love, endure less legal hardships, and even live longer.  In business, they forge lasting professional relationships that benefit them throughout their careers and command—instead of demand—respect even from their fiercest competitors.

So, with that cleared up, we’d like to pose new question: “Are you being NICE enough?”

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sat, February 13, 2010 - 11:02:26

Cooperation Makes it Happen

Earlier this week, we came across a fascinating post by Morten Hansen on the Harvard Business Review’s blog The Conversation which used the Obama Administration’s experience over the past year to serve as a springboard for a discussion about collaboration in the workplace.  In his post, Hansen brings up a very powerful point, and it’s one we all can learn from, regardless of politics: “To collaborate well, you must involve all parties in a meaningful way: invite people to propose divergent views and promote vigorous debate (some call this constructive conflict). Let robust ideas and solutions get a fair chance, even if you may not like them much.” In other words, once you learn to shed that “me vs. you” mentality, you can discover that cooperation makes it happen.

Like politics, business can be naturally divisive.  After all, everyone is busy not only trying to keep their current customers, but actively out there competing for new ones.  But, there are times when coming together and sharing information and insights on neutral ground can actually work in everyone’s favor.  For politicians, this means progress in Washington; for businesses it can mean increased earnings.

Don’t believe us?  Well, we can prove it.  In fact, some of the past century’s greatest product innovations have come from opposing sides coming together in collaboration and for evidence; you need look no further than that shiny flat screen TV in your family room.  Less than a decade ago, in a controversial move, tech-giants Samsung and Sony joined forces on a project that would revolutionize a market once flooded with plasma screens and help them dominate sales with a less expensive, more cost-effective, yet high-quality design.  Working together, they developed the S-LCD screen, and as you know, it became an instant hit with consumers, allowing both companies to enjoy a healthy profit.

As the old saying goes, “If you want to be incrementally better: be competitive. If you want to be exponentially better: be cooperative.”  So, if you’re looking for a new solution, consider what the opposing side has to say, and try joining forces.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, February 08, 2010 - 1:56:07

Robin Recounts Her Amazing NICE Experience

All of us, I’m sure, have mixed feelings about ordering things over the web.  Unless you are buying from a large national seller (a book from Amazon or a pair of jeans from The Gap), you often don’t know who you are dealing with and click the order button with fingers crossed, silently hoping the dealer is reputable. 
 
With all the cold weather we’ve been having this winter, I decided my dog Ella needed a coat for those 20-degree and under days.  Although she’s pretty big and furry, I had noticed that the really cold weather was bothering her a bit and set out in search for a solution to the problem.
 
I went on line and looked for dog coats that were warm, not silly (I am generally not a fan of dog wardrobes) and well made and I found one from a small company based in Maryland.  So, I measured Ella and placed my order for the coat. 

It came surprisingly fast - in two days (instead of the 10 days I had been warned to expect).  Unfortunately it was a little too big, so, the next day I called the company.  The woman, who is the proprietor of the business, personally helped me re-measure my dog.  I told her I would send the too large coat back, but to my amazement, she told me not to do that until I had received the new one.  That way I could make a decision between the two.  She didn’t ask me for any additional payment—which surprised me. After all, she was sending me additional merchandise. 

Then, the next day, I received the a package containing the new coat, which the proprietor had overnighted.  Not only did the new coat fit, she had included a $6.00 refund for the difference between the larger and smaller size with a note that said I should cash it if I decided to keep the smaller one. 
 
I was stunned to receive this level of service and trust doing business on-line.  I immediately sent back the larger size and included a warm thank you note as well as a copy of The Power of Nice.
 
The company is True Fit Dog Coats and the owner is Jennifer Miller.  Anyone out there who has a dog that’s a bit chilly this winter should check out her site www.truefitdogcoats.com . 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, February 08, 2010 - 10:54:27

The Power of Paying it Forward

Can seeing someone else do a good deed actually influence your own behavior?  While cynics might scoff at such an idea, we’ve long believed that the power of nice can work wonders and now science is proving us right. According to a new study released yesterday by the Association for Psychological Science, that “warm and fuzzy” feeling that results from seeing one person do something nice for someone else, known among psychologists as “elevation,” really can help shape your subsequent actions for the better.

Researchers from the University of Cambridge, University of Plymouth, and UCLA examined the effects of “elevation” by exposing volunteers to one of three television clips, one of which featured an inspiring moment on Oprah, another which simply showed neutral scenes from a nature documentary, and a third that showed a clip from a British comedy series, intended to induce feelings of mirth rather than good will.
After each of the groups viewed the clips, the research assistant leading the group pretended to have computer trouble and depending on the footage the participants had viewed, their responses were notably different.  In fact, viewers of the altruistic Oprah clip spent twice as long providing aid to the researcher as viewers of the other clips, even though they expected nothing in return.
But, the scientific concept of elevation isn’t just something seen behind the sterile walls of a research lab.  In fact, as these news reports from around the nation show, the power of paying it forward is just one of the small ways everyday people are helping to create a nicer universe.

So, if you discount the power that even your smallest actions can have, you may want to reevaluate your thinking.  Because even when you think no one is watching, thanks to the power of elevation, your kind acts can keep on giving. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sun, February 07, 2010 - 5:51:20

This Super Bowl Sunday, Throw Out the Scorecard

If you’re like most of us, this weekend means you’ll be gathering in front of the television with friends, family, and an armload of snacks to cheer on your team in the NFL Championship.  And whether you’re rooting for the Colts or the Saints, chances are you’ll be keeping close tabs on the score.  But when the game is over, everyone has gone home, and you inexplicably find yourself mentally comparing your accomplishments to those of your fellow football fans, you might want to take a look at your own life and ask yourself: am I too busy “keeping score?”
If the answer is “yes,” we have just one bit of advice: toss out that scorecard.

Of course, it’s perfectly normal—and very common—to keep a mental log of your accomplishments and most of us, at one time or another will compare our “haves” to those of our friends and family.  But, what benefit does it actually provide to think “my sister just got engaged but I have a more successful career” or “my friend has a higher paying job but I have a more prestigious title.” 

In truth, engaging in this kind of unofficial competition serves no purpose because it unnecessarily breeds negativity and, after all, when someone you care about succeeds, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

Instead of inwardly stewing, why not outwardly celebrate whenever you feel others gaining on your mental tally by acknowledging their accomplishments and offering your sincere congratulations?  Even if you’re feeling less that felicitous at first, the mere action of being nice, portraying positivity, and coming from a place of abundance will help to lift your spirits.

So, this Super Bowl Sunday, instead of tackling your perceived opponents, take the time to congratulate them for everything they’ve worked for and then pat yourself on the back for a job NICE-ly done.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, January 29, 2010 - 9:57:52

The Dangers of Desk Rage

We’ve all heard the term, “road rage,” used to describe the uncontrollable feelings of anger expressed by many drivers suffering in traffic on some of the nation’s most congested highways, but have you ever heard of “desk rage?”

Chances are, whether you knew the name for it or not, you’ve experienced this all-too-common emotion at one time or another during your professional life and in a new Wall Street Journal piece this week, Sue Shellenbarger examines two very different viewpoints regarding expressing anger at work. 

While many career counselors would advise that it’s best to eschew confrontation and keep your thoughts to yourself in order to avoid damaging your future career prospects, recent medical findings published by Swedish researchers in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health say that quashing your feelings could have serious consequences when it comes to your physical well-being.  In fact, their study of 2,755 subjects with no prior history of heart problems found that participants who regularly used “covert coping”, or stifled their emotions at work, were at a far greater risk of having a heart attack or dying from heart disease.

But, no matter what the health risks may be, there is certainly no benefit to erupting into fits of rage directed at your coworkers and employees, yet there is no incentive to being a doormat either.  Fortunately, there’s a NICE solution that can help you keep your career and your health on the right track and it’s easier than you might think. 

The key is to recognize your feelings of anger when they first emerge and to redirect your energy before you go on a regrettable rampage. Then, instead of allowing yourself to become consumed by your emotions, step back and use a distractive technique that involves rational thinking, such as saying the alphabet backwards, listing all fifty state capitals, or remembering the names of all of your elementary school teachers.  As odd as it may sound, doing so will not only allow you to “cool off,” it will give your logical side the time it needs to catch up to your more quickly-triggered emotional brain.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you should not address the situation that angered you later on, but giving yourself the time you need to think critically will help you to approach the other party in a calm-and-effective, rather than confrontational-and-destructive manner. 

After you’ve composed yourself and you decide that the situation warrants a conversation, make every effort to channel your inner Joe Friday and stick to “just the facts”, rather than making personal accusations or bringing up old arguments.  After all, the purpose of your talk is to heal and move on, rather than hurt and rehash.

So, forget about “desk rage” and the next time you find yourself in an office tiff, step back, put those claws away, and be NICE.  Once you’ve had the opportunity to air your grievances in an appropriate and professional way, you’ll find you not only feel better, you’ll be a better coworker as well. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, January 27, 2010 - 10:09:06

Conan Signs Off the NICE Way

Like millions of other Americans, we tuned in for Conan O’Brien’s last Tonight Show on Friday night and were both moved and inspired as O’Brien signed off for a final time in a manner that portrayed both humor and class.  In a heartfelt goodbye, he thanked his former network for the opportunities they had given him and asked his fans not to be cynical. “If you work really hard and you are kind, I’m telling you: amazing things will happen,” an emotional O’Brien said. 

And of course, we couldn’t agree more.

Not only did O’Brien’s farewell speech touch the hearts of his loyal fans, who spent the past few weeks making “I’m with Coco” a viral sensation, it helped to cement his reputation as a “class act” and create a positive impression among viewers who might not have previously enjoyed his off-the-wall brand of humor.  In the days following his final Tonight Show, his farewell speech became a Twitter trending topic, inspired countless blog posts and Facebook groups, and was one of the top searched queries on the major search engines.

That’s the power of nice.

In a time when snarkiness and sarcasm seem to dominate the headlines and the punch lines, it’s a wonderful reminder that being nice is one of the most powerful things you can do to make a real difference in your personal and professional life.  So, why not give it a try?  Even if you’re not on television, you never know who might be watching.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, January 22, 2010 - 10:38:15

Is it Really “Never Too Late to Say You’re Sorry?”

Conventional wisdom dictates that it’s never too late to say you’re sorry, but as Elizabeth Bernstein’s column in this week’s Wall Street Journal points out, the growing popularity of social networking websites has given people around the world the unprecedented opportunity to reconnect with old friends and deliver long-overdue apologies that are sometimes decades in the making.  And with the new prevalence of online apologies through sites like MySpace and Facebook and even web-based apology forums like ThePublicApology.com and PerfectApology.com, it begs the question: is it ever simply too late to make amends? 

As the authors of THE POWER OF NICE, we can tell you that in both your professional and private life, a sincere apology to someone you have wronged can be one of the most powerful actions you can make, and although saying “sorry” in a timely manner is best, a little contrition can go a long way to heal the other party’s hurt feelings even years later.

But, not all apologies are created equally and regardless of time, it’s essential that your apology is sincere and truthful. So, if you have a little apologizing to do but are feeling tongue tied, why not try some of our NICE tips?

Don’t make excuses. It’s important to resist the urge to make an excuse as substitute for a proper apology.  In fact, simply inserting the word “but” can completely derail attempts at reconciliation by negating everything you said prior. So, instead of saying “I’m sorry I ignored you earlier, but, I’ve been really busy,” try, “I’m sorry I ignored you earlier. I’ll try to be more considerate of your feelings in the future.”

Never shift the blame. We’ve all received those half-hearted apologies that shift the blame back to the wronged party, and chances are they made you feel worse than before.  So, instead of saying, “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way,” admit your guilt and simply say, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”

Make it personal. As Bernstein’s Wall Street Journal article points out, the Internet has enabled us to apologize through tweets, wall posts, and instant messages, but before you publish your apology note on the web, put your head on the other person’s shoulders and imagine how it would make you feel.  While a Facebooked apology is simply too casual and can appear flippant, we also understand that in-person apologies, although best, might not always be possible. So, consider making a phone call, sending a handwritten note, or even an email.  No matter which method you choose, the simple act of saying you’re sorry will leave everyone feeling better.

We want to hear your thoughts!  Have you received a long overdue apology from a long lost friend via an online social networking site?  Share your stories by leaving a comment.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, January 20, 2010 - 10:57:02

If You Can’t Say Anything Nice…

Remember the old playground saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?”  Well, in a bygone era, when mean words uttered on the tot lot were about as permanent as the chalk on the blackboard, that may have been true, but for today’s kids, teens, and even adults, it’s a very different situation. 

With a gossip-obsessed culture that spans both the physical and digital realms, people have more ways than ever before to make snarky comments at one another, and with the prevalence of blogs and social networking sites, what were once impermanent verbal insults now have a lasting presence online.  That’s why, as Jeffrey Zaslow writes in a recent Wall Street Journal article, it’s more important than ever for kids, teens, and adults to ask themselves three simple questions before uttering a word: “Is it true?”, “Is it kind?” and “Is it necessary?”

Some argue that adhering to the these three tenants could lead to a culture that excuses people of their faults and does not hold people accountable for their actions, but we disagree.  When it comes to kindness there’s a huge difference between being nice and being naïve and while being nice doesn’t include spreading unsavory gossip and making unkind remarks behind people’s backs, sometimes it is necessary to say the “tough stuff” directly to the other person involved. 

The important thing, however, is to say it without hurting the other person’s feelings and one of the best ways to do so is to use a technique we like to call the “yes sandwich”:  start with a positive truth, follow with the unpleasant part, and then finish with another positive statement.  By surrounding your note of criticism with two slices of “nice,” your message will come across as constructive instead of cutting.  And perhaps more importantly, the other person will appreciate your willingness to come to them instead of gossiping to others about their shortcomings.

There’s an old Jewish proverb that says, “What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t witness with your mouth” and it’s a piece of advice we could all take to heart.  Whether you’re a kid, a teen or full-grown adult, when we fall victim to the seductive and social appeal of gossip, we hurt everyone around us, including ourselves, by helping to spread the virus of negativity from person to person. 

So, at the start of this new decade, let’s all make the effort to ask ourselves those three questions first introduced by Socrates centuries ago and the next time you’re ready to dish out that saucy bit of gossip, give yourself a minute and ask, “Is this really necessary?”

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, December 28, 2009 - 4:03:42

The NICE Year in Review

2009.  What a year it’s been!  As we watch this turbulent decade draw to a close, we’ve read about quite a lot of negative things.  One Wisconsin journalist dubbed 2009, “The Year of the Nasty” and Time Magazine even questioned if the 2000’s were the worst decade ever. But, amid all the gloom and doom that has surrounded our tumultuous times, we believe that through it all, NICE persevered. 

And as we resolve to make 2010 the Year of Nice, we’d like to take a look back at some of the stories we’ve discussed over the past twelve months here on the NICE blog:

Jay Leno Says Goodnight, For Now: Ever since Jay Leno so generously offered to write the forward to our book, THE POWER OF NICE, we’ve known he epitomizes what our philosophy is all about and on his final episode of the Tonight Show, he shows us once again that NICE works.

Hugs Make a Comeback: Once, high-fives and handshakes were all the rage, but in today’s middle- and high-schools, hugs are the friendly greeting of choice.

Empathy Becomes a Media Buzz-Word: Although David Brooks of the New York Times asserted that the most successful CEOs are “organized, dogged, anal-retentive, and slightly boring,” the Harvard Business Review’s Katherine Bell explains that empathy isn’t just an indicator of power, it’s a critical trait of managers at any level.

An Eighth Grade Teacher Gives New Meaning to the “Write” Stuff: Remember your favorite teacher from childhood?  Well, chances are if that teacher was Dan Stroup, he remembers you!  In fact, every night for the past thirty years, the teacher has taken the time to write birthday letters to each and every one of his former students… all 2500 of them.

Scientists Discover that Being Nice Relieves Stress:  With the impact of the financial crisis, job losses, and home foreclosures being felt around the nation, it’s no surprise that people are anxious, but recent scientific research shows that committing random acts of kindness relieves stress and produces what is known as a “helper’s high.” 

Harris Interactive Study Reveals High-Tech Rules for Online Etiquette:  In today’s rapidly-changing technological environment, the words “blackberry,” “twitter,” and “kindle” have all taken on new meanings.  But, with newly devised tech etiquette, Americans still believe that although times change, a little common courtesy never hurts.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, December 23, 2009 - 3:45:17

Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus

Over a century ago, eight year-old Virginia O’Hanlon famously asked the New York Sun editor Francis P. Church, “Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?”  Church’s eloquent response, including the legendary lines, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist,” went on to become one of the most well-known newspaper editorials of all time. 

112 years later, USA TODAY reports that a few good Samaritans in Phoenix, Arizona are proving Church right by spreading the spirit of the season to area residents in need.  The anonymous good Samaritans, who refer to themselves only as “Secret Santas” are making headlines by handing out $100 bills to passersby.

The phenomenon of the Phoenix Secret Santas began with a simple NICE concept: paying it forward.  As USA TODAY’s Melanie Eversley writes, the tradition began in 1971 when the owner of a Mississippi restaurant gave the then-homeless Larry Stuart a free breakfast.  Years later, when Stuart became a successful business man in Kansas City, he remembered the effect the diner owner’s kind act had upon him and decided to help others by handing out money to needy people he saw in dollar stores, Laundromats, and bus stations.

Although Stuart passed away in 2007, today the tradition lives on in numerous locations throughout the United States, from the Phoenix Metropolitan area, to rural Maine, to downtown Baltimore, where kind-hearted volunteers dig into their own pockets to help others have a happy holiday.  In the process, the volunteers enjoy the kind of satisfaction that can only come from being NICE and doing good.

And someday, recipients of their kind acts will, like Larry Stuart, look back on their times of trouble, remember the benevolence of others that helped them through, and bestow that kindness upon someone else, slowly but surely creating a nicer universe.

So, this holiday season, as you celebrate with family and friends, take a few moments to reflect on the kindness that others have shown you throughout the year and then do something nice for someone else.  We know you’ll discover it’s the greatest gift you could ever give yourself.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, December 14, 2009 - 3:38:34

If You Want to Be a Star at Work, Close the Curtains on your One-Man Show.

A few days ago, we were catching up on the Harvard Business Review Blogs when we came across a post by one of our favorite bloggers, John Baldoni, which really struck a chord with us.  In his post, Baldoni discusses three ways to keep your ego in check as you climb the ranks of corporate leadership: not getting caught up in your own hype, listening to your honest critics, and reflecting on your shortcomings.
We couldn’t agree more with Baldoni’s recommendations, but there’s one more piece of NICE advice we’d like to add.  When you want to curb that ego and effectively lead a team, oftentimes the best thing to do is to get out of your own spotlight and share the credit.

Sure, we all like to look smart and be the center of attention; and in the back of our minds, many of us have an imaginary audience cheering us on for our successes and cringing at our failures. But in the real world most people are too wrapped up in their own dramas to notice you starring in yours.  So, why not write a new script and invite your coworkers to star in an ensemble cast with you?  Then, instead of simply delivering one monologue after another, you can engage your fellow cast-mates in a productive, ongoing dialogue and create communal ownership of ideas. 

Once you’ve gotten the conversation going, the key to making the most of it is to pay attention and really listen to what’s going on.  As Larry King once said, “I never learn a thing while I’m talking,” and you can use his words to your advantage by perking up those ears, discovering what others have to say, and using their input to help everyone excel. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, December 10, 2009 - 10:17:11

Is “Webtribution” the New Revenge?

Chances are, if you’re a parent of a teen or tween, you’ve heard about the dangers of online bullying and probably have already taken steps to prevent it from happening to your own child.  But, a new article in this week’s Wall Street Journal opened our eyes to a very disturbing new trend among adults that author, Elizabeth Bernstein calls “webtribution.” 

Webtribution, she describes, is when disgruntled exes, former friends, and angry coworkers use social networking sites, email, and other online applications to do serious damage to your reputation.  Yes, as the article reveals, with the mere click of a mouse, webtribution can take you from un-Googleable, to a hot topic in just a matter of seconds. 

In her article, Bernstein tells the upsetting story of Renee Holder, 34, who claims her life was devastated after an anonymous sender distributed a hurtful MySpace message to dozens of her friends, in which she accused Holder of breaking up relationships and called her a “home wrecker.”  Although none of the information the sender (an ex-girlfriend of Holder’s current boyfriend) disclosed was rooted in an ounce of truth, Holder tells the Wall Street Journal that family members called her and questioned her morals, co-workers gossiped about her in the office, and several friends cut her out of their lives completely.  And even though Holder was eventually able to set the record straight with most of the email recipients by calling them one by one and telling them the whole story, she states “It took me far longer to repair the damage than it took that woman to create it.  In a matter of minutes, she spread a rumor internationally.”

Sadly, this new trend toward “webtribution,” is yet another example of how our smallest actions, even when committed thoughtlessly or in the heat of the moment, can have outsize impact in our lives and in the lives of others.  For Renee Holder, one little click of another woman’s mouse cost the respect of her coworkers, the trust of her family, and even entire friendships. 

So, if you’re feeling angry with that ex-boyfriend whose Facebook password you still remember or have already started designing your anonymous “My Boss is a Jerk” website, take a step back, give yourself a minute away from the alluring glow of your laptop screen, and really think about what you’re doing.  Because those few nasty (and seemingly anonymous) keystrokes leave a un-erasable evidence trail right back to your desktop, iPhone, or blackberry, and as Tiger Woods can tell you, no one can hide in the digital age.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, December 02, 2009 - 3:39:45

Tiger:  Tell the Truth!

If you think your smallest actions can’t have an enormous impact on your life, you might want to ask Tiger Woods what he thinks. 

In the days following the fender bender that was first reported as a major car crash, media attention has swarmed around him… and subsequently unearthed some unsavory rumors about golf’s golden boy.  Since the incident, Woods has remained relatively quiet, eschewing reporters and choosing instead to issue several press releases on his website. But, rather than helping to quash the flames, Tiger’s indirect approach may actually be adding fuel to the fire.  So, Tiger, if you’re looking for a new strategy, we’d like to offer this simple NICE advice: tell the truth.

While Tiger today admitted to “transgressions” in his personal life, by remaining vague, he may be doing more harm than good.  In fact, we think Woods could actually benefit by looking to one unlikely source for guidance on the matter, David Letterman.

Whether you condone his actions or not, David Letterman’s on-air admission of infidelity was a brilliant move and helped to end the controversy surrounding his personal life before it began.  Rather than side stepping the issue, Letterman took his “transgressions” head-on, looked into the camera, and matter-of-factly told the truth while millions of his fans watched.

Although the situations that brought about the unfortunate revelations regarding both public figures’ personal lives were markedly different (Letterman was the alleged victim of attempted extortion while Woods simply had a car accident that led to increased tabloid scrutiny), the simple solution of telling the truth could have worked to both of their advantages when it comes to public opinion. 

Why?  Because when you resist the urge to cover up the truth and candidly admit to wrongdoing, you earn people’s trust and regain control, but by not telling the simple truth right away, Woods allowed people to believe that he was not only unfaithful but duplicitous as well.  And, perhaps more importantly in this situation, when you own up to all the “dirt” you’ve done, you take away the public appetite for more.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, November 20, 2009 - 10:50:20

Negative Feedback is Better than None at All

As the time for year-end reviews approaches, many managers are tackling the difficult task of delivering feedback to their employees and inevitably, there are times when assessing someone’s performance doesn’t always result in sugar and spice.  But contrary to what you might think, a recent Gallup Management Journal article reveals that withholding not-so-nice feedback can actually be a whole lot meaner than not saying anything at all.  And as the authors of THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we know a thing or two about addressing your employees’ weaknesses in a way in which everyone leaves feeling stronger.  The trick, it turns out, it to offer them a sandwich.

No, we’re not talking about pastrami on rye.  The best way to deliver negative feedback to an employee is to use a technique we call the “Yes Sandwich.”  In other words, start with a positive truth, tell them the bad stuff, and then make another positive statement to end the conversation with everyone feeling good.

For example, you’ve noticed that one of your marketing managers, Mike, has been arriving late to important client meetings with increasing frequency and it’s affecting your business.  Instead of telling him what you might secretly thinking, “Mike, get your act together and come to the meeting on time.  We almost lost a client because of you!” make a yes sandwich by saying, “Mike, your presentations are very astute and our clients really appreciate your insights.  However, I’ve noticed that you have been arriving late recently and it’s very important to all of us that you make it on time.  Your presence makes a huge difference to our success.”

While we are ardent supporters of telling the truth, we can’t stress enough how important it is to talk to your employees about their shortcomings in a way that is as kind as possible.  So, instead of rambling on, getting too personal, or becoming overly emotional, keep everyone’s feelings in check by stating your case in an even-tempered, matter-of-fact way.  By telling them what they need to know without hurting their feelings, you’ll find they will not only appreciate your honesty, they will be much more apt to change.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, November 19, 2009 - 9:59:51

Being a Brownnoser Won’t Always Get You Brownie Points

There’s a question we’re often asked when talking to people about our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness: “If I’m always nice, won’t I look like a brownnoser?” But, we can’t stress enough the monumental difference between being kind and being a suck-up.  And while genuinely nice people are able to use their relationship building-skills to their advantage in their careers, as yesterday’s USA TODAY article points out, phonily fawning all over the boss might not be the best strategy to getting ahead.  In fact, too much kissing-up can create a real downturn in everyone’s impressions of you, from co-workers to higher-ups.

We’ve often said that giving a compliment is one of the quickest and easiest ways to harness the power of nice and create an instant connection and it’s something we still believe wholeheartedly—provided your words are also truthful.  So, if you’re worried that your sincere praise or encouragement to a superior will come across as sycophancy, there’s a good chance that they certainly won’t.  Why?  Because the mere fact that you’re concerned about it means you aren’t smarmy and no one will think of you that way.

On the other hand, John Sheptor, CEO of Imperial Sugar tells USA TODAY’s Del Jones that CEOs believe “hollow compliments are a sign of immaturity and justification for why the brownnosing employee should not be promoted.”  So, when giving the boss a compliment, it’s in everyone’s best interest not only to be heart-felt, but to be discreet.

In other words, don’t lavish your CEO with accolades while gathered together in the conference room.  Instead, take the time to share your thoughts in private.  That way, you reduce the risk of your actions being misinterpreted by coworkers and curb the potential for resentment in the instance you should receive a future promotion.  Even better, why not compliment the whole group?  Instead of saying, “Boss, you’re a genius!” after successfully completing a big project, why not congratulate the entire team with a motivational, “Everyone here deserves a big round of applause for all their hard work.”

So, if you have something nice to say, whether it’s to a client, a colleague, a competitor, or a manager, say it!  Because when you make others feel good, everybody wins.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, November 13, 2009 - 10:39:47

2500 Birthday Wishes: An Eighth Grade Teacher Gives New Meaning to “the Write Stuff”

In recent years, email, texting, instant messaging and social networking have given us amazing ways to connect like never before, but in the process, we’ve come to neglect another form of communication that works like no other to harness the power of nice: the handwritten letter. 

Although it might seem antiquated, a simple note written in your own script and sent through the mail can have a powerful effect on its recipient, but in the name of time, we often choose a more efficient method to get the job done.  But, if you think you don’t have time to write your friend or loved one a letter, consider the story of Dan Stroup, a Bible studies teacher at Heritage Christian School in Indiana, who for the past thirty years has written birthday letters to every one of his 2,500 former students each and every night.

Stroup explains “everybody likes getting mail. Isn’t that right? Email is nice. But, there’s nothing like finding mail in the mailbox.” And so for three decades, he’s made it his cause to take the time to send a personal birthday wish to all of his past students.  When asked why, Stroup’s answer is simple: “Maybe this letter today is exactly what that person’s going to need.”  And in many cases Stroup’s small yet thoughtful gestures have helped to get Heritage Christian alums through tough times.

Despite the large number of letters Stroup sends weekly, he tells WTHR Eyewitness News that every letter he writes is an original, eschewing the impersonal practice of writing form letters.  Filling the lines with recollections of years past and questions about the future, Stroup uses the notes as a way to connect on a personal level with his former students and the practice has proven so popular that the teacher no longer has to purchase his own stamps.  Instead he finds that people all over town just give them to him.

So as we look ahead to the holiday season, we would like to issue a NICE challenge to all of you: this year, dust of your pens and paper and write a letter to someone who matters to you.  It could be a parent, a significant other, a dear friend, mentor, or even an old teacher.  As you seal it up, affix the stamp, and hand it to the postman, imagine the surprise they will feel when discovering something just for them in their mailbox.  While the rewards will likely be more far reaching, the mere satisfaction of knowing you brightened their day will make it worth your while.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, November 12, 2009 - 3:53:37

About to Get a Red Card? How to Keep Your Anger from Getting the Best of You

If you’ve tuned into the news within the past few days, chances are you may have heard about the in-game antics of Elizabeth Field, a University of New Mexico Junior who has been indefinitely suspended from the school’s soccer team after she violently let her anger get the best of her during a match against Brigham Young University.

While Field has since apologized, her brutal outbursts against members of the opposing team will no doubt leave a lasting impression and thanks to the byte-sized world we now live in, her name will be forever linked to the unflattering video footage plastered across the internet. 

Although we aren’t all NCAA-level athletes, there are times when all of us inevitably get mad—really mad—and feel the intense desire to lash out.  But, Field’s story serves as a powerful reminder to all of us of the dangers of falling under the seductive spell of your anger and acting impulsively in response to your heated emotions and above all why it is so important to take a step back and think rationally before you go on a rampage. 

For example, try distracting yourself from your immediate anger response by forcing your brain to work on something else, like naming all 50 state capitals or listing the U.S. presidents in chronological order. Focusing on such tasks will give your rational brain some time to catch up with your much quicker (and hair-triggered) emotional brain and stop those pony-tail pulling urges.

Whether it’s an on-field rival, an employee at work, or even a husband or wife, when someone intentionally or unintentionally pushes your buttons, the passionate anger you feel initially can make you feel empowered to go on the attack verbally, emotionally, or in some rare cases, physically, as Field clearly demonstrated when knocking around the BYU soccer players.  Yet, when you react in the heat of the moment and go for the jugular, everyone gets hurt.  As a result little can be accomplished and instead of resolving a dispute you only make matters worse for you, the other person, and everyone around you.

But when you resist the urge to fight, take time to clear your head, and come back to what made you angry with a new perspective, you will find that you are better equipped to handle the situation.  And with a new set of eyes, you can calmly discuss the problem with your so-called foe, find a solution, and move on.  After a little quiet introspection, you may even discover that what angered you initially was just a misunderstanding or an over-reaction on your part.

So the next time you’re feeling a little miffed, quit the soccer hooligan routine and try a nicer approach.  After all, in this byte-sized world, you never know who could be watching.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, November 06, 2009 - 1:32:06

Americans are Stressed, but NICE can Help

In a report released earlier this week by the American Psychological Association, scientists revealed that of the 1,568 respondents surveyed, 42 per cent are more stressed than ever before.  In addition, 47 per cent admit losing sleep over stress and nearly one quarter of Americans report experiencing high or chronic stress levels (ranking eight, nine, or 10 on a 10-point scale) in just the past month. 

With the impact of the financial crisis, job losses, and home foreclosures being felt around the nation, it’s no surprise that people are anxious.  In fact, as the APA’s Stress in America 2009 report reveals, even kids have become increasingly worried.  And although a recent Ohio University study shows that some types of stress may actually be beneficial to your health, too much negative stress can have catastrophic side effects like weight gain, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and even a potentially fatal cardiac disorder known as “Broken Heart Disease,” which mimics the symptoms of a heart attack. 

In the face of all of these difficult challenges, the APA’s study reports that Americans are experimenting with a number of ways to reduce their stress levels like watching TV, listening to music, and indulging in unhealthy foods.  But there’s a simpler, easier, and more rewarding way to lower your stress that you may not have considered and it works almost instantly.  As unlikely as it sounds, one of the best ways to become stress-free is simply to be nice.

In 1991, Allan Luks discovered a phenomenon known as “the helper’s high,” which delivers a rush of dopamine to the brain’s pleasure receptors when making an act of kindness.  The result?  Kind people feel calmer, happier, and more confident and experience a reduction in stress-related conditions like headaches, loss of voice, and disease-related pain.

More recently, Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor at the University of California Riverside and author of The How of Happiness conducted an experiment revealing that the vast majority of students performing random acts of kindness on a daily basis feel significantly happier, more relaxed and more fulfilled.

So, if the weight of the world is wearing you down, remember that science is on your side and try a little NICE experiment of your own.  After giving a few compliments, smiling at a stranger, or holding the elevator door, you just might discover that NICE is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, November 05, 2009 - 10:19:36

Ask, Don’t Tell: How a Few Good Questions Can Ease an Angry Situation

In our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we explain how you can use the simple act of asking questions to help you in your quest for success.  But, while we were reading Peter Bregman’s blog at the Harvard Business Review today, we were reminded of another powerful way in which this NICE technique really works: in diffusing a tense situation.  So contrary to the popular old saying, as Bregman explains, when under attack, many times the best offense isn’t a good defense. It’s actually a good question.

Typically, when encountering an angry moment, our advice is to give yourself a minute to cool off, reflect on your emotions, and imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes before reacting.  Then, once you are ready to talk, you can approach the other person with an even temper and a naturally disarming matter-of-fact approach.  But, inevitably there will be occasions when a time-out isn’t an option and you’re faced head-on with a real confrontation.  And in this instance, channeling your inner Larry King can work to everyone’s advantage.

Contrary to what you might think, giving excuses and lengthy explanations in an attempt to placate someone else does little to help.  In fact, as Bregman recounts in the story of his furious next-door neighbor, trying to “talk your way out of it” is counterproductive and can actually add fuel to the fire. 

So instead of indulging the urge to defend yourself, ask a question such as, “How can I help?” or “Can you tell me more?”  Then, zip those lips and listen intently.  After all, if someone has come to you to air his or her grievances, chances are that what he or she really wants is to be heard.  And more importantly, when you show genuine interest in the other party’s concerns through the use of a question, you show that you really care.

Although asking a question will not instantly quash anger, it immediately transforms the situation from an attack to a dialogue.  And by engaging your so-called opponent in a more supportive forum, you will find that you can more effectively resolve your differences and move forward with a stronger bond.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, October 30, 2009 - 4:50:28

Virtual Snubs Cause Real Insults

In addition to making nonsense words like “blog” and “skype” a part of the general vernacular, in the past few years, the rise of the Web 2.0 has introduced two controversial verbs previously unheard of: “unfriend” and “unfollow.”  While these little digital actions performed with the mere click of a mouse might seem harmless, CNN.com reports today that a digital snub can actually hurt even more than a “real” one.

As Purdue University social psychologist Kip Williams tells CNN, “People tend to think that these relationships are trivial and not very deep, but this is what we’re moving towards, having a lot of our communications play out over the Internet. That’s the way it’s becoming; this is how we interpret our worth. People care how many [online] friends they have.” 

Whether or not you share the sentiment, for many people, facing rejection online can be a painful process.  And as countless misinterpreted email communications have already revealed, it’s easy to have a detached internet interaction get lost in translation, resulting in hurt feelings and bad impressions.
So, as fellow good “netizens,” it’s important to make sure you harness the Power of Nice in every aspect of your life, even the virtual kind.  After all, as we like to say, “it’s a byte-size world,” so the actions you take online can have real world repercussions.

Of course, we’ve all received Facebook friend requests and LinkedIn introductions from total strangers, and you may not feel comfortable adding them to your network.  But, instead of issuing an all-out rejection, you can actually use our NICE techniques to say “yes” instead of “no.”  The key is to find something else to say “yes” to.

Consider this common scenario many of us have encountered:  You discover an invitation to connect on LinkedIn from a name you don’t recognize.  After checking out their profile, you realize you have a 3rd degree connection, but have never worked with or even met them. 

But, before you press the “decline” button, stop and put your head on their shoulders for a moment.  Chances are they were simply trying to make a friendly gesture and network with a fellow professional.  So, instead of just declining, why not send a quick note explaining your decision: “Thanks so much for inviting me to your network.  Unfortunately, I am only comfortable adding people with whom I have an existing relationship.  But, I would love to connect with you on Twitter or on by blog.”

Instead of cutting off the communication abruptly, you provide an alternate opportunity for both of you to connect on another, less formal, platform.  As a result, you lessen the risk for hurt feelings, open yourself up to potential interactions in the future, and present yourself in a positive light. 

So, forget what you’ve heard and just say “yes!”  Once you’ve discovered the power those three little letters posess, you’ll be nodding your head all the way to the top.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, October 28, 2009 - 10:22:33

The Best Investment You’ll Ever Make Doesn’t Cost a Thing

A few days ago, we read a wonderful story by sportswriter Larry Burton about the late, great NCAA Football Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant and we couldn’t help but share it with all of you.  Although the six-time championship winning coach made his name with his fierce competitive streak, the story Bob shares on his blog shows that despite his tough exterior, Bear Bryant knew that NICE was the key to success.

As Bob Morris writes, Bear Bryant was in southern Alabama when he stopped for a quick bite at a non-descript eatery simply called “Restaurant.”  Enjoying his plate of traditional Deep South cuisine and making a bit of small talk with the manager, Bryant explained that he was the new football coach in Tuscaloosa and happened to be in town recruiting a local player and asked for directions to the school.

After he finished, the manager told him lunch was on the house, but Bryant protested saying, “for a lunch that good, I should pay.”  As a compromise, the manager asked if he could have an autographed picture and although Bryant didn’t have any with him at the time, he took down the man’s name and address on a paper napkin and promised to send him one soon.

The next day, back home in Tuscaloosa, Bryant pulled out the napkin, jotted down “Thanks for the best lunch I’ve ever had” on a glossy photo, and sent it out to the restaurant manager without giving it a second thought. 

Then, a number of years later, Bryant lost a battle against the head coach at Auburn University for a talented high school football player.  But a few days after, he got a surprising phone call from the young man, who begged Bryant to let him play for Alabama after all.  Out of sheer curiosity, Bryant asked what had changed his mind.  “Well,” he confessed, “When my grandpa found out that I had a chance to play for you and said no, he pitched a fit and told me I wasn’t going nowhere but Alabama, and wasn’t playing for nobody but you. He thinks a lot of you and has ever since y’all met.”

As luck would have it, the football player’s grandfather just happened to be the owner of the Southern Alabama restaurant where Bryant had eaten years prior and the one to whom Bryant had sent the autographed picture that became his pride and joy.  And with that one small act of kindness, Bryant unknowingly shaped a piece of his future, ensuring that his team would sign a valuable and extremely talented player.

It’s just another example of how the Power of Nice is always at work in our professional and personal lives.  And how, even when they seem utterly insignificant, our smallest actions can have an enormous impact on our lives and on the lives of others.  Although a busy and high-profile football coach at a major university, Bryant invested just a few moments of his time to brighten the day of a virtual stranger, and in the end got an enormous return.  And you can make the power of nice work for you in the very same way by planting the seeds of positivity wherever you go.  It doesn’t take a grand gesture, but simply a small act of kindness to create a positive impression. 

So, in our deadline-driven, on-the-go world, take the time to go that extra inch no matter how busy you are.  Because as Bear Bryant once said, “It don’t cost nothing to be nice. It don’t cost nothing to do the right thing most of the time, and it costs a lot to lose your good name by breaking your word to someone.”

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, October 22, 2009 - 8:06:38

What Would Emily Post Do?  Study Reveals High-Tech Etiquette Rules for the New Millennium

image courtesy of BloggersBase.com.

Fifty years ago, if you had asked famed etiquette expert, Emily Post, whether or not it was ok to bring a Blackberry to a wedding, she probably would have looked at you with quite a quizzical expression, wondering why anyone would consider fruit an appropriate gift.  But, in today’s high tech world where “twitter,” “blackberry,” “apple,” and “pearl” have all taken on new meanings, Americans are creating their own new rules for etiquette.  And weighing in on the findings of a recent online poll conducted by Harris Interactive, Anna Post, the great-great-grand daughter of etiquette’s grand dame and expert in all things polite, says that while times change, a little common courtesy never hurts.

The Harris Interactive poll, which surveyed 2,625 adults, found that while most people agree that technology is an unavoidable part of daily life, there are new self-imposed mores regarding its use.  Most notably, the vast majority of respondents agreed that texting, checking emails, and making phone calls while in a meeting, spending time with friends and family, or on a date was strictly off limits.  And using a cell phone, lap top, or other productivity device during a religious service or ceremony was considered particularly offensive. 

While we certainly agree with these common-sense tech-etiquette rules for the new millennium, there was one opinion listed in the article on TodayShow.com that we would like to sway.  According to the research, most Americans believe an email thank-you note is an acceptable substitute for a hand-written one and frankly, we disagree.  And so did Anna Post, telling TODAY, “I stand by the handwritten thank you note.”

Of course, we’re all for expressing gratitude in any form and sending an email to say “thank you” is a kind gesture that in today’s fast-paced society is an important step that should be taken within 24 hours of a job interview or business meeting.  But, in our opinion, nothing trumps the value of a simple, handwritten thank you note, so why not send both (and if you really want to get noticed, why not send it via FedEx)?  Your handwritten note will help to reinforce the sentiment in your email and serve as an additional reminder of your meeting.  And in an age of email-overload, who doesn’t feel just a little bit special receiving something other than a bill in his or her mailbox?

So, for all of you email addicts out there, the next time you find yourself opening up Outlook to send an electronic word of thanks, take a step back and ask yourself, “W.W.E.P.D. (What would Emily Post do)?”  Then dust off your old stationery and get writing.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, October 21, 2009 - 7:58:30

The Bad News Is…

In today’s tough economy, managers across the nation are being confronted with difficult challenges every day.  From downsizing, to budget cuts and mergers, many managers are faced with the unpleasant task of delivering bad news, but as Kevin Daley’s recent Harvard Business Review post reveals, the way managers go about it can be as impactful as the news itself.

In his post, “How to Deliver Bad News to a Group,” Daley writes that while most managers have received extensive training in one-on-one interactions regarding lay-offs and firings, many have little understanding of the importance of delivering bad news to a group.  And although the temptation of office-wide emails can seem like a quick, easy, and efficient fix, there is simply no substitute for the in-person announcement.

So, when the time comes to inform your team of an unpleasant development, it is imperative not only to gather everyone together, but to speak from the heart and allow time for questions.  As we often advise, start with the good stuff and let your team know that you value their hard work, but keep it simple and brief to avoid an anxious build-up from your audience.  Then, deliver the bad news in a matter-of-fact way that gives them the information they need without sounding accusatory or leaving anyone feeling hurt.  Finally, allow for a dialogue that continues after the official meeting and let your employees know that they can come to you with any questions that you can answer for them.  Inevitably, you won’t be able to resolve every issue, but your employees will appreciate knowing that you made an effort.

In our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we devote an entire chapter to what we believe is one of the most powerful nice principles: telling the truth.  And when placed in a tough situation, it’s one of the best things you can do.  Although telling people things they don’t want to hear can be difficult, you will find that doing so in a NICE way will not only inspire their trust in you, it will motivate them to do better.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, October 09, 2009 - 8:59:25

Become a Winning Team

Unless you work in a very specialized profession or happen to live in a remote part of the world, chances are that your job involves teaming up with your coworkers and collaborating on projects.  So, when you’re paired with a partner who is constantly missing deadlines, getting the data wrong, or simply not pulling his or her weight, you might start to feel like your own career is being sabotaged.  But, as Amy Gallo writes in her post on Management Essentials, learning to assess and address your coworkers’ weaknesses in a NICE way is vital to your shared success.

Although your coworker’s repeated mistakes may feel like a covert attack on your professional reputation, Allan Cohen, the author of Influence without Authority, cautions that assuming ill-will should always be your last resort.  Even though your coworker’s failures hurt you as a result, instances where employees underperform on purpose are few and far between.  So, instead of assuming the worst and bad-mouthing your colleague, step back and assess the situation objectively and then do a little detective work.
Take special notice of your coworker, focusing on the indirect issues that could be affecting his or her work, instead of the work itself and start asking questions.  Is his or her workload heavier than normal? Has he been ill recently?  Has she been coping with a difficult situation at home?  Do we simply understand our assignments in different ways?  Once you develop an understanding of the outlying factors and think critically about the situation, you will not only take your own heightened emotions out of the mix, you can address the problem more empathetic way.

When you set aside a time to talk one-on-one with your coworker, remember that your conversation is meant to help, not hurt, and resist the urge to play the blame game or go into attack mode.  Instead, talk to your coworker in a positive way, reminding them first of their strengths before airing your concerns.  Keep your tone matter of fact and to-the-point and take the time to brainstorm on solutions you can work toward together. 

In the end, your coworker will appreciate that you came to them directly instead of letting word of your frustration make it back to them through the rumor mill and by collaborating on ways to make things better, you can become a stronger team and excel on future projects.  And even better, as Gallo explains, NICE has its rewards: “By being generous now, you are incurring the obligation of your colleague to help you in the future.  This reciprocity is often what strong professional relationships are built on.”
So, the next time your coworker messes up yet again, take a deep breath, look at it as an opportunity to turn a negative into a positive and then be nice!  You never know what great strides you two could make once you take those first few steps together.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Tue, October 06, 2009 - 7:52:50

NICE is Infectious

With cold and flu season upon us, “infectious” isn’t exactly the kind of word most people want to hear right now, but there’s one way in which it’s still good to be contagious: by passing along a smile and a kind word.  By setting a friendly example through small gestures like holding the door, saying please and thank-you, and smiling at one another, we believe we can all help spread the NICE bug from person to person until we’ve created a nicer universe.

Don’t believe us?  Well, Today Show correspondent Mike Leonard didn’t have to look far to prove us right.  In fact, all he had to do was walk across the street:

At Grand Food Center, Leonard’s neighborhood supermarket, kindness isn’t a company mandate, but it’s something that has helped to distinguish the store from its local competitors.  With friendly staffers who greet every visitor by name and treat each other with respect, customers often remark that completing their weekly shopping chore actually brightens their day.  And customers have just one person to thank: the man who first planted the seeds of positivity at Grand Food Center over two decades ago.

Ed Embers’ friendly way with customers has kept them coming back to his deli counter at Grand Foods year after year.  But his polite demeanor hasn’t just helped the store stay in business during tough economic times; it’s actually played an integral role in fostering the market’s purveying atmosphere of congeniality.  Little by little, other employees have learned by his example and followed his lead.  And now, the diverse assortment of individuals who make up Grand Food Center are showing just how easy it is for people from all walks of life to be civil with one another.

As Embers aptly explains to his customer and NBC correspondent Mike Leonard, the simple act of being nice has universal benefits. “No matter who you are, if you can make another person’s day better, it makes you feel better.” Or, in the words of his coworker, “When you give out love, it comes back.”

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, October 05, 2009 - 11:16:31

Conan Banned from Newark Airport… and That’s No Joke!

A few nights ago, we tuned in to The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien and witnessed a very unusual turn of events unfold.  In his opening monologue, Conan remarked that his recent joke poking fun at the city of Newark, New Jersey had angered Mayor Cory Booker so intensely that he went on to post a YouTube video about it.  In his video lasting just over a minute, Booker attempts to teach Conan a lesson by “officially” placing him on the Newark Airport “no fly list.” 

As evidenced by O’Brien’s show later that night, Booker’s efforts of intimidation seem to have backfired and his video earned this unkind “apology” from the Tonight Show host:

Now, The Huffington Post reports that New Jersey news website NJ.com has gotten on Mayor Booker’s bandwagon and “banned” O’Brien from accessing their site, and it appears that what began as a mean-spirited joke on a late night talk show has turned into a full-blown feud.

While most of us aren’t political figures or Hollywood celebrities , the current controversy brewing between Newark’s mayor and Conan O’Brien serves as a reminder to all of us that the best way to deal with your critics is by harnessing the power of nice.  And although we certainly aren’t fans of mean-spirited humor, we feel that in this situation, both parties were in the wrong.

When O’Brien made the snarky quip about Newark, Booker could chosen to turn O’Brien’s negative into a positive and made a good impression with a kind gesture, like sending O’Brien a gift basket chock-full of the best things Newark has to offer or inviting O’Brien to join him on a tour of the city to show off its finest attributes.  But, the mayor chose to attack back and instead of quickly quashing the flames, added more fuel to the fire.  And to make matters worse, his negative response to O’Brien’s joke in the end only served to create a bad impression of himself in the eyes of others.

So, whether you’re a big-city mayor or just an “average Joe,” the next time you feel like you’ve been wronged, give yourself a minute to stop, think, and banish the negativity from your brain before you react.  After all, as the old cliché goes, “two wrongs don’t make a right” and nobody wins when everyone gets hurt.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, September 25, 2009 - 5:10:51

Do You Trust Me?

If you’re currently in the market for a new job or aiming for a promotion, that’s exactly the question you should have in the back of your mind when dealing with others.  As Alexandra Levit writes in a recent Wall Street Journal article, in this turbulent economic climate, now more than ever, companies and coworkers are placing a greater emphasis on trust.  So, when looking to get ahead, it’s important to establish an air of trust with everyone around you.  And what better way to appear trustworthy than by harnessing one very powerful NICE principle: tell the truth.

As M.R. Covey, author of “The Speed of Trust” explains to Levit, trust isn’t just an important factor when creating a solid relationship with your coworkers, it’s also essential for the successful and efficient operation of an organization.  “Everything slows down in a company with low trust. You see an increase in bureaucracy and redundancy, and excess policies and procedures.”  That’s why, he continues, “organizations are becoming painfully aware of how expensive this is, and they are taking steps to become trusted players from the inside out.” So, it benefits everyone, including you, to be more truthful in your day to day communications at work.

And if you think “the truth hurts” don’t worry: you can spare people’s feelings without sparing them the truth simply by using the tried-and-true technique we call the “Yes Sandwich.”  For example, if you have something difficult to tell someone, begin with a positive statement, then make your truthful-yet-tough statement, and follow up with another positive truth.

Occasionally, there are times when “the truth and nothing but the truth” won’t win you any friends—we’ve all encountered those cringe-worthy “do you like my new neon leopard stirrup pants?” moments when a little fibbing is needed to protect someone else’s feelings— but by and large, being honest and accepting honesty from others is a sure-fire way to build a trustworthy reputation and a successful career.  And best of all, it’s easy.  As Mark Twain once wrote, “The best thing about telling the truth is you never have to think about what to say.”

Whether you’re a seasoned manager or a new graduate, living by the mantra that “honesty is the best policy” will inspire confidence from everyone around you because not only will they know they can come to you when they have something difficult to say, they’ll know that you have nothing to hide.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, September 25, 2009 - 9:11:57

Teacher Turns Negative into a Positive and Creates YouTube Sensation

Dalton Sherman liked to talk.  He liked to talk so much that his teacher often grew frustrated with his chatty antics, which frequently disrupted the work of his fellow classmates.  But instead of simply punishing him for talking out of turn, she came up with a new way for the fourth grade student at Charles Rice Learning Center to channel his energy and put his stellar vocabulary to good use.  And in doing so, she turned a rambunctious ten year old into this:

Recognizing the unique strengths many exasperated teachers and parents might otherwise identify as behavioral problems, Sherman’s dedicated teacher, Irene Redmond, found a way to accentuate the positive and encouraged Dalton to put his young communication skills to good use as a competitive public speaker.  And by turning a negative into a positive, she helped the bright young boy to discover his gift as a brilliant orator and consequently turned him into a YouTube sensation.

With more than a half of a million YouTube hits to his name, the newly minted sixth grader dreams of one day becoming a television news anchor and having already spoken live in front of an audience of 20,000 people, we know he is well on his way.

Or course, Dalton Sherman’s story is just one of many amazing examples of how people from all walks of life can harness the power of nice to look at a problem with a new set of eyes.  As managers, teachers, parents, and friends, we all will encounter difficult situations with others, whether it’s a hot-headed employee, excitable child, or prying neighbor.  But, the next time you’re ready to confront someone about their weaknesses, take a minute to get to the root of the so-called problem, find a way to redirect it and as the old saying goes, “turn lemons into lemonade.” 

Have you ever taken a negative and turned it into a positive in your own life?  Share your own NICE story with a comment below!

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, September 21, 2009 - 12:03:35

Competition?  It’s as Easy as (Baking a Bigger) Pie!

Earlier this week, we read a thoughtful post on competition by the always-intriguing, Chris Brogan.  In his post, Brogan discusses a number of effective ways to succeed in the marketplace, from providing excellent customer care (like Zappos.com) to giving a valuable service for free (such as the free-to-read HARO newsletter).  And all this talk about competition got us thinking about one POWER OF NICE principle that has helped us to remain one of the top advertising agencies in the industry today.  When you’re looking to get your piece of the pie, sometimes the best thing to do is bake a bigger one.

While Brogan discusses the positive methods businesses can use in order to make their mark, in today’s dog-eat-dog business world, many of us still operate with the philosophy that we have to elbow out the competition in order to snag our piece of the pie.  Otherwise, you’ll just be left with the dried up crumbs.  But, we’ve learned from experience that that idea isn’t only outdated, it’s just plain wrong. 

In fact, you just might find that you can actually enjoy greater success when you work with your so-called enemies.  Sure, everyone has the natural desire to crush the competition, but some of the greatest successes in business have actually come out of some very unlikely partnerships.  Consider, for example, Sony and Samsung’s legendary joint venture.  Separately, each company battled to design the top selling flat screen television, but neither one was able to dominate the market.  So in a controversial move, the two joined forces on the S-LCD project that would revolutionize a market once flooded with plasma screens.  Working together, the two tech giants developed a new high-quality, yet cost effective LCD screen that became an instant hit with consumers, allowing both companies to enjoy a healthy slice of the pie.

And “baking a bigger pie” doesn’t just apply to companies competing against one another; it can actually help you to with your pseudo-competition at work or even at school.  For most of us, competition resides mainly in our minds, so when you change your perceptions you can revolutionize the way you perform at work.  And what better way to improve your productivity than to share the credit?  As Harry Truman once said, “It is amazing what you can accomplish when you do not care who gets the credit.”  So give it a try and surprise yourself.  The next time you’re in a meeting and you suggest an idea, don’t guard it or insist on being right.  Instead, surrender your ownership and let the group run with it.  Chances are you will find that you not only benefit from an improved concept, you will build your relationships and strengthen your team.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, September 16, 2009 - 9:27:13

We Need to Talk: A NICE Intervention

In light of recent events, is anyone else wondering when interrupting was deemed acceptable? With last week’s presidential heckling by South Carolina representative Joe Wilson and Sunday night’s outburst from Kanye West at MTV’s Video Music Awards, one thing has become very clear:  America needs a NICE intervention.

While West and Wilson’s stunts have provided a significant, albeit temporary boost to their media profiles, we wonder what, if anything positive could have come from their negative actions.  Given the plethora of West and Wilson related tweets that overloaded Twitter’s servers and the massive backlash felt all over the web, one can safely assume that this time, the general public is not amused. And as you might have imagined, as the authors of THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, neither are we. 

What’s our advice to the attention-seekers out there looking to get ahead?  Well, to borrow from the title of a chapter in our book: “shut up and listen.”  Sure, we all have opinions and we all like to talk.  After all, showing off for the crowd makes you feel good and gives you an adrenaline fueled rush. But, when you indulge your urge to speak over someone else you’re actually depriving yourself of even greater opportunities.  First, you miss out on learning something new and pass up on potentially life changing information.  Second, you lose the chance to make a great impression. 

Where positive impressions—like the one Beyonce made at the end of the VMA awards by her small act of generosity toward the slighted Taylor Swift—are like seeds which constantly grow and bloom, negative impressions are like germs, festering and growing exponentially from one source.  And the barrage of negative attention swarming around both Wilson and West shows just how quickly one little germ morph into a virus of epidemic proportions.

Although both Wilson and West have taken the first small step in making amends by giving some form of an apology (Wilson in a phone call to White House chief of staff Rahm Emmanuel and Kanye West on Monday night’s Jay Leno), there is clearly a long way to go before they can repair their images in the eyes of their former fans and we would argue that only by harnessing the power of nice can they truly hope to regain the trust and admiration of the general public.

Celebrity or not, perhaps now is the perfect time for a bit of NICE wisdom: be kind even when they can’t rewind.  Because deep down inside, you’ll know.  Even if you’re not caught on tape, rudeness, negativity, and mean-spirited actions will eventually help to form your own self-perception and this, in turn, will impede you from achieving your greatest goals. 

So, the next time you find yourself in a sticky situation, hold your tongue and give yourself a minute.  You just might find it’s a whole lot easier to be nice when you think twice.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Tue, September 15, 2009 - 9:33:47

Enter THE POWER OF SMALL Sweepstakes!

You’ve waited weeks to find out about our special SMALL announcement and the day is finally here.  We’re having a giveaway and anyone can participate!  Enter simply by registering on our website (to receive our confirmation email, you must provide a valid email address) and take a moment to peruse our blogs while you’re here.

Five lucky winners will be randomly selected to receive copies of our bestselling books, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness and THE POWER OF SMALL: Why Little Things Make all the Difference, along with one of the following fabulous prizes:

One iPod Nano, preloaded with the audio version of THE POWER OF SMALL.

A stylish set of stationary to write your own thank-you notes.

A twelve-month subscription to Zagat.com.

One gourmet muffin basket, which we hope you’ll share with a friend!

A Starbucks gift card worth $100.

So what are you waiting for?  Enter today and while you’re at it, tell a friend!

Read the full contest rules here.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, September 11, 2009 - 3:16:09

Who Are You Calling a Pushover?  Why NICE is Strong.

There’s a common misconception about the word “nice.”  Typically, when you hear someone described that way, you tend to infer that there’s just nothing else worth saying about them.  In other words, “nice” has mistakenly come to signify someone who is unremarkable, insignificant, and weak.  But, ever since we released our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, we’ve been on a mission to change all that.  Why?  Because we think nice is the toughest four letter word you’ll ever hear.

So it goes without saying that we were a little disappointed when we heard an all too common question on NBC’s Today Show recently.  In a segment discussing Rachel Simmons’ new book, The Curse of the Good Girl, one viewer wrote in to ask: “My daughter is too nice and can be a pushover with her friends. How can I help her assert herself more?”

Of course, as the moms of two wonderful daughters, we’re all for instilling a healthy sense of confidence in girls from an early age, but we take issue with equating being nice to being a push-over.  Because in our experience being nice means being strong and you can assert yourself most effectively when you’re being kind, no matter what your age.

For adolescent girls, the dynamic between friends can pose a difficult situation. In this Gossip Girl era of Queen Bees and Wannabes, many girls, like the Today Show viewer’s daughter, find themselves surrendering their own power to a controlling “frenemy,” but instead of resorting to vicious tactics, girls can use the power of nice to protect themselves.  And as parents, it’s our responsibility to arm them with the information they need before they find themselves starring in their own real life version of Mean Girls.

If you need a little help getting started, why not try these NICE tips:

Give a compliment: While it’s rare for girls to physically bully one another, verbal abuse in the form of insults is a common way for “queen bees” to control their friends.  So, the next time your daughter finds herself as a target, show her how she can stand up for herself by saying something nice. If her clique’s leader snidely remarks, “Becky, those earrings are so last season.  Why are you wearing them?” your daughter can reply with a little humor, “Guess I missed that article in CosmoGirl! You’re so up on the trends.”  By diffusing the situation with a compliment, your daughter gives her friend nowhere to go with her attack.

Say No by Saying Yes: No, we don’t advocate that your daughter gives into peer pressure just to placate her friends; instead teach your daughter to resist temptation by offering an alternative idea that gives everyone something else to say yes to.  For example, if popular-girl Heather invites everyone over to her house while her parents are out of town, your daughter can suggest, “That might be fun.  Or, has anyone been to that new coffee bar that just opened?  I heard a bunch of people are going this weekend to try the frozen hot chocolate.”

Stay Positive:  There’s an old saying, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  But, in girl-world this can be a tough adage to live by.  But, let your daughter know that not feeding the rumor mill is the best way to stay out of it.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, September 10, 2009 - 2:52:33

Why Empathy is Key

Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons famously sang “big girls don’t cry,” but a recent study out of Tel Aviv University is shedding new light on the uniquely human phenomenon of shedding tears.  And as it turns out, crying might not actually be such a bad thing.  In fact, a little sniveling could be a key component to forming healthy personal relationships.  Why?  Because crying out of genuine emotion creates the important feeling of shared empathy. 

Like crying, empathy is a uniquely human trait entrenched deep within our DNA and one that has helped us to thrive as a species for millions of years.  As humans, each of us is highly attuned to the emotions and expressions of others, and empathy causes us to resonate with expressions of our own.  And in the case of tears, multiple studies have shown that across cultures, crying helps friends, families, and allies form closer bonds.

As we explain in our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, empathy has always been one of the key ingredients in our recipe for success and although crying at work probably won’t help you climb the corporate ladder, becoming more empathetic definitely will. 

Daniel Goleman, author of Primal Leadership, explains that empathetic people are not only happier, more popular, and luckier in love, they are more successful at work and it’s all because they are experts when it comes to recognizing the needs and emotions of their clients, employees, and managers.  And in business, being closely in tune with the subtle emotions of others can give you a real leg-up on the competition. In fact, it’s how we hatched the idea for the little quacking duck that became a household name.

Armed with an arsenal of company facts and figures, we started work on the Aflac campaign, but didn’t know where to begin until we scheduled a meeting with CEO Dan Amos.  While making a little small talk, Amos confided, “I’m just sick and tired of going to lunches where no one can pronounce the name of my company.”  Instantly, we knew the statistics didn’t matter and using our empathetic skills, tapped into his emotions to create the campaign that made Aflac one of the most recognizable names in the industry.

So take down your game face and try a little tenderness instead.  Whether you’re trying to comfort your spouse or close a deal, empathy just might hold the key to success.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Tue, September 01, 2009 - 9:49:18

Happy Employees Make Happy Customers

A few days ago, we commented on a very thoughtful blog post by Chief Happiness Officer author Alexander Kjerulf in which he posed the question, “Does happiness matter where you work?” and of course we answered with a resounding “YES!”  From the time we founded The Kaplan Thaler Group over a decade ago, we’ve operated with the philosophy that happy employees result in happier clients and now, as a billion dollar agency, we believe we’re on to something.

While we certainly take our business seriously, we also know that a happy, lighthearted atmosphere at work not only increases productivity, it actually makes for more creative employees.  And it was even scientifically proven by University of Michigan psychologist Chris Robert.  Don’t believe us?  Well, if science hasn’t sold you on the idea, consider how we have created some of the most attention getting ads in the business.

Before we begin each meeting at The Kaplan Thaler Group, we have a tradition of making small talk, cracking jokes, and making each other laugh in order to loosen everyone up.  We’ve found that by starting out having fun, we open ourselves up to better communication and stronger ideas.  And when dealing with a particularly “sensitive” topic, it can work wonders.  In fact, our little ritual not only loosened everyone up when we set to work on a new campaign for Trojan condoms, it actually inspired it.  After trading jokes about the eternal battle of the sexes, one thing led to another, and before we knew it, the Trojan pigs were snorting their way across TV screens nationwide.

And we’re not the only ones who know that keeping our employees happy results in even happier customers.  Just listen to what Southwest Airlines President Emeritus Colleen Barrett says in this fascinating lecture, forwarded to us by Alexander Kjerulf, to students at The University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business. 

So, take our advice and in the words of the old Summer Stock classic, “come on, get happy!” When you chase your cares away, you’ll discover the joys of a better, more productive workplace.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sat, August 22, 2009 - 4:03:26

If You Have to Fight, Fight Right

While perusing one of our regular reads, Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project, we came across an excellent post on the twenty-three phrases that help you fight right.  Although many times the best approach to an argument is to leave things “unthought,” there are, of course, other times when things simply must be said.  But as Rubin explains, it’s how you say them that makes all the difference.

When you’re in the heat of the moment, it can be alluring to go for the jugular with hurtful words and phrases, but if your ultimate goal is resolution and not total annihilation, then it’s imperative to avoid hurling insults, employing provocative statements (i.e. “That is just like you!”), and playing the blame game.

So, if you feel an argument approaching or one has already begun, take our NICE advice and give yourself a minute.  Before you let loose with an angry tirade, excuse yourself and take a moment to clear your head and find out for yourself why you are really angry.  Once you are able to articulate what is making you upset, you will be better able to communicate with your partner, and as Rubin explains, it is much more difficult to go back to yelling after you’ve had a little cooling off period.

In addition to Rubin’s list of 23 words, we’ve found that another highly effective way for you to help others understand your dissatisfaction is to start with the good stuff, state positive truths, and then explain in a matter of fact way the things that are bothering you. 

For example, if your laid back husband causes you to be habitually late to family functions, resist the urge to strike while your emotions are hot and instead of immediately barking, “Why do you always take so long? We were supposed to be at my parents’ by now!” take a moment to cool off and calmly explain, “You know my mom and dad love you and they always look forward to your visits.  So, it hurts their feelings when we are late.”  Instead of leaving him feeling attacked, he’ll feel empowered to make the change himself.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, August 21, 2009 - 11:44:05

The Best Advice?

Lord Chesterfield once said, “Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most always like it the least.”  Nearly four centuries later, his assertion still holds true.  Yet, even today, whether you’re a working professional, stay at home mom, new college graduate, or budding entrepreneur, it can sometimes feel like everyone wants to give you their two cents, even when you haven’t asked.

Whether at work or at home, receiving unsolicited advice can feel like criticism or even worse, an attack, so the natural inclination is often to go on the defensive.  But, before you turn a little advice into an all-out argument, try taking a step back and react with tact.  Even if you don’t agree with the other person’s “words of wisdom”, it’s usually best to respond with a simple, “You might have a point,” which gives them the impression that you will consider their opinion.

Even though their advice might feel offensive, if it’s from a friendly source, chances are it’s actually meant with the best of intentions.  So, assume goodwill and instead of feeling flustered, feel flattered. After all, they did take the time to think about you.

Or course, there are other times when so-called advice is truly intended as a passive insult, but you can deal with these “wise guys” with a tried-and-true NICE tactic: give them a compliment.  For example, if a nosy neighbor catches you off guard with, “You know, your lawn would look a whole lot better if you actually tried mowing it,” resist the temptation to make a snarky comment back and simply reply, “Yeah, I have yet to master your HGTV-worthy gardening skills!”

As with other kinds of bullies, people who adopt these behaviors often do so as a means to cope with their own insecurities.  By giving a compliment instead of a come-back, you remove any opportunities for a fight and leave the other person with a positive impression.

But, don’t take our word for it, try it yourself.  With your new NICE approach, you just might find people asking you for your thoughts.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Sat, August 15, 2009 - 9:24:08

Got a Bad Feeling?  Go with Your Gut.

As Woody Allen once wrote, “there are some people you love, and some people you just want to pinch.” Inevitably, we will all come across people that rub us the wrong way and learning to deal with them in a NICE way is an important skill in making your way to the top.  But, as Tom Davenport recently wrote on his blog, The Next Big Thing, “jerks” in leadership positions can be more than just bad for your office morale; they can actually bad for business:

Jerks think they’re never wrong, but good decisions require acknowledging and learning from mistakes. Jerks are consumed with petty resentments and grievances, but good decisions require clear-headed, objective thinking. Jerks alienate other people, but good decisions require collaboration across a social network.

In other words, the very same things that make so-called “jerks” awful to be around make them terrible decision makers. Of course, this doesn’t mean that jerky people never make the right call and nice people never fail, but by and large, the unsavory characteristics of “jerks” make them less successful at work than their nice counterparts.  That’s why, when making a new business acquaintance or even a new hire, it’s important to fine tune your instincts to help you sort out the nice guys from the “pinchable” people.

The easiest way to do so? Try pressing your inner mute button and take notice of others’ body language and small actions.  When meeting for the first time, particularly when a job is at stake, everyone aims to say the right thing in order to make a great impression.  But, while someone’s lips may be uttering one thing, their non-verbal cues may reveal that they’re really thinking something else.  So, using the innate ability we all have to hone in on the small, but powerful details is crucial. For example, if someone constantly looks down and to the left, chances are they’re not telling the truth.  If a job candidate brings his own Starbucks to his interview without bringing an extra, you might be dealing with much more than just a “coffee snob.”

So, forget about what “the experts” have to say, listen to the powerful voice you have within, and trust your gut.  If your instincts are telling you something’s just not right, even if you can’t put your finger on it, they are probably right. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, August 14, 2009 - 9:17:04

Ward off Workplace Bullies with THE POWER OF NICE

Earlier today, we came across an article on Slate.com about the rampant presence of bullies in schools throughout the nation.  No matter what your generation, we all have memories of the big, mean kid who terrorized the most vulnerable students in his class, and it got us thinking about what happens to these big bad boys and girls when they grow up and go off into the workplace.  Well, as you might imagine, many of them adopt the same dog-eat-dog mentality of their childhood in an attempt to squash the competition in their professional lives. 

When our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, debuted several years ago, people were shocked by our counter-intuitive approach to making it big.  For many years, the prevailing wisdom was that nice girls don’t get the corner office, but through our own experiences we’ve found time and time again that nice people really do finish first.  And when encountering an office bully, you can harness the power of nice to come out on top.

There’s a common misconception about the word “nice.”  Mistakenly, people often believe that the adjective is used merely when there is nothing else to say about a person; or that nice people are wimpy pushovers who just can’t get things done.  Well, nothing could be further from the truth.  In fact, we think “nice” is the toughest four letter word you’ll ever hear. In business and in life, genuinely nice people walk around with the strength and confidence they gain from knowing they have the secret to getting everything they want without hurting their competition.  And when it comes to fending off bullies, it’s a real advantage because with the power of nice, you can transform your enemy into your ally with just a few little words.

So, how can you get started?  Try being empathetic.  Instead of thinking that their bullying tactics are rooted in their hatred of you or others, assume they are using you as a way to channel their own deep-seeded insecurities. 

Next time you find yourself if this situation, use our NICE tricks to turn their nasty comment into a left-handed compliment:

Bully: “That’s was a pretty ridiculous comment you made at the meeting.”
You: (laughing it off)
“Well, at least you were listening. Half the time, our boss doesn’t hear anything anyone says.”

Even though the bully was clearly trying to provoke you, your NICE response brings the bully’s attack to an abrupt halt.  When you deflect a negative comment by spinning it in a more positive light, the bully will have nowhere to go with his negativity and he’ll have no choice to move on.

So resist the urge to fight and say something nice!  You never know what could happen once you’ve got your bully in your corner.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, August 07, 2009 - 11:16:51

Say Something Nice

A few years ago, a college senior stepped out of her dorm feeling confident.  She was well rested, looking sharp in a brand new pair of tomato-red ballet flats, and ready to take on the first day of the new semester.  As she walked across the quad, she noticed someone admiring her fabulous footwear—or so she thought. “Nice shoes, Dorothy,” she heard the passerby mutter under his breath.  And suddenly, she went from feeling confident to conspicuous… all because of a few little words. 

But, what if instead of sarcasm, that comment had been filled with sincerity?  How could something as simple as a compliment change someone’s life for the better? That’s exactly what two students at Perdue University are on a mission to find out.

What began as a simple effort to enhance the everyday experiences of students on their college campus soon caught the attention of the media and now Brett Wescott and Cameron Brown (a.k.a. “The Compliment Guys”) are making their way across the nation on The Brightside Tour.  All summer long, Brett and Cam have teamed up with Kodak to spread a little kindness across this great land, one small compliment at a time.  And it’s all because the two college juniors discovered one simple but valuable truth: making others feel good, makes you feel good.

In fact, as we mention in our book, THE POWER OF NICE, giving a compliment is one of the best ways to flex your nice muscles.  So, lose the Perez Hilton snarkiness and channel your inner Compliment Guy.  If you’re naturally shy, don’t be intimidated; giving a compliment is a great way to break the ice and get a conversation flowing.  And if you’re worried about sounding phony, fear not; the mere fact that you’re sensitive enough to wonder about such things shows that you certainly won’t appear that way.

So, why not make someone’s day and give out a few free compliments of your own?  You’ll find life is so much better when you look on the bright side.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, August 03, 2009 - 11:55:34

How to Lose Like a Winner

There’s an old saying about life that goes, “You win some, you lose some,” but for Olympic champion swimmer Michael Phelps, for the past four years it’s been more like, “You win some… and then you win some more.”  At least that was the case until this week, when relatively unknown German swimmer, Paul Biedermann, not only beat him at one of his best races, he shattered Phelps’ seemingly unattainable world record.  In the days that followed, Phelps, a swimmer well-respected for his sportsmanship, engaged in some rather unsportsmanlike conduct.

Although he initially congratulated the victor, his extreme disappointment with the race results was already apparent as he attempted to walk away from the awards podium before the requisite photo-op.  Then, he and his coach, Bob Bowman, spent the next few days on the warpath, accusing Biedermann of having an unfair advantage for wearing the high-tech and soon-to-be banned Arena X-Glide swimsuit.  Unhappy with the FINA bureau’s current April 2010 deadline for the removal of the suits, the pair threatened to boycott national swim meets, with Bowman even remarking, “They’re going to lose the guy who fills the seats.”

While Biedermann’s choice to wear the speed-giving suit was an unsportsmanlike move in itself and Bowman and Phelps had a legitimate reason to question its use in their sport, their angry methods were less than admirable.  Rather than waiting for the appropriate time and place to address the issue, they vented to the media and even resorted to verbal intimidation.  And by resorting to such negative tactics, they garnered criticism instead of support.

We have an unofficial motto here at the Kaplan Thaler Group: “nice guys finish first.”  And it’s a great way to make sure you come out like a winner, even when you lose.  Inevitably, no matter how talented, intelligent, creative, or powerful you are, there are times when you will lose.  But, by using NICE to your advantage, you can still manage to come out on top. 

That’s why we always recommend that when faced with a frustrating situation, you take a step back before you act.  After all, things said in anger rarely make anything better.  So resist the seductive desire to attack when you feel you’ve been wronged and take some time alone to breathe, assess the facts, and figure out a way to approach the matter in a way that is cool, calm, and collected.  When you’re ready to state your case, remember to start with the positive and then move on to your concerns.  Instead of speaking in an accusatory tone, take a cue from Sargeant Joe Friday and tell them “just the facts, ma’am.”  Then, once everything is out in the open, you can suggest ways to make things better.  It might not grant the instant satisfaction that comes with an emotional outburst, but we guarantee it will leave you feeling like a winner.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, July 30, 2009 - 10:22:29

Hold that Thought!

When you were a kid, your mother probably told you, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  Well, although it might seem like kid stuff, that same advice has helped us make it to the top of our industry, proving again and again that NICE wins.  But that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. As we read on Gretchen Rubin’s insightful blog, The Happiness Project, one of the best ways to boost her happiness levels is to press her internal mute button when the things she’s thinking would be better left unsaid.  But, as the admittedly hot tempered writer explains, she often finds alternative ways to spout out a snarky comment.  And the trick to avoiding these verbal outbursts, she has discovered, is to leave nasty comebacks un-thought.

In the heat of an argument, this might seem like an impossible task, but by becoming more mindful of your own emotions and making one small but important change to your fighting M.O., you can accomplish this very zen-like goal.  The secret?  Give yourself a minute.

Yes, it’s really that simple!  When you feel angry or annoyed, instead of indulging your urge to fight, why not try “flight?”  Certainly, we’re not advocating that you become a doormat, but stepping away to be alone with your thoughts before an argument begins or during a dispute, will not only keep you from leaving lasting emotional damage, it will help you more effectively state your case, and more likely lead to an amicable resolution.

We know it can be difficult, but, if you feel a burning insult coming on, hold that thought and take a few moments to extinguish that smoldering fire.  Try going for a brisk walk, reading in another room, or even writing in a journal.  Once you’ve cooled off, you can more rationally and effectively discuss the things that were bothering you and find a real solution. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, July 27, 2009 - 1:13:24

Please Respond!

At The Kaplan Thaler Group, it’s always been our policy to answer every single email and phone call that we receive, whether it is from a chief executive officer or a “Mom in Chief” (as Michelle Obama calls the the head of household)  Even if it’s just a quick reply to confirm we got their email, or a short call to let them know we aren’t currently hiring,  but will keep their resume on file, we know that the simple courtesy of a response is a critical way to harness the power of nice. 

But as more and more talented candidates flood today’s ultra-competitive job market, we ’ve been hearing with greater frequency that many applications to companies across the nation simply go unanswered, leaving already anxious job-seekers wondering if their applications were ever received.  With the challenge of unemployment facing so many Americans, sending countless emails off into the ether only to remain unanswered can be a truly disheartening process.  So, we can’t stress enough how important it is for your organization to respond, whether it’s with a simple email, phone call, or letter.

After all of the hard work and energy job applicants put into carefully crafting their resumes and cover letters in hopes of landing a position with your company, the least your organization can do is let them know both made it to you – even if it’s just via an automated reply.  Although small, this simple action not only gives applicants the information they need, it leaves them with the positive impression of your organization as one that appreciates their time and effort.  Even if they aren’t the best fit for the position, at least they will know your company cares. And in this byte-sized world, nothing could be more valuable.

Employment seekers, hiring managers, and recent grads, we want to hear from you about your experiences in today’s turbulent job market.  Share your stories with us by sending an email to (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), following us on Twitter and Facebook, or commenting right here on the NICE Blog!

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, July 22, 2009 - 9:35:16

Say you’re Sorry

This week marked the release of Chris Brown’s long-delayed public apology for his highly publicized assault on ex-girlfriend, Rihanna.  Based on the chatter we’re reading on blogs and Twitter, it may simply be too little too late for Mr. Brown (his actions were indeed unconscionable and illegal), but all this talk about apologies reminded us of an excellent article we read in last week’s Wall Street Journal, which underscores the importance of saying you’re sorry.

As writer Brittany Hite explains, where apologies were once perceived as a sign of weakness, they now portray strength of character and integrity, which in today’s turbulent times are two highly desirable traits.  It seems that nowadays, managers, CEOs, and everyday workers can actually benefit from practicing a little contrition from time to time, instead of worrying that ‘fessing up might have long-term negative effects on their careers.

Sure, it might seem counterintuitive initially, but those who can occasionally let the other guy win by apologizing when necessary can actually “finish first” in the long run.  Don’t believe us?  Consider your own workplace dynamic for a moment.  Chances are each of you has encountered both the manager who refuses to accept blame when he is clearly at fault and the manager who clears the air, makes a genuine apology, and moves forward.  Who have you found to be a more effective leader?

Whether in your professional or personal life, expressing sincere regret is one of the best ways to make THE POWER OF NICE work for you.  It’s not about apologizing before you’ve done something wrong (and we all know at least one chronic apologizer), it’s about taking responsibility for the mistakes that you have made and saying you are sorry to the people you have hurt.  And remember, an excuse masked as an apology is never an acceptable substitute.  Simply inserting the word “but” can completely derail an attempt at reconciliation by negating everything you said prior. So, resist the temptation to say “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, BUT, my terrible cold put me in a bad mood,” and just say, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.  I’ll be more careful to pay attention next time.”

In the long run, making apologies a part of your NICE routine at work will leave others with a lasting positive impression, establishing you as a strong, confident leader, and inspiring faith in your management skills.  Translated to your personal life, apologizing reduces tension and instills trust in those around you.  After all, when you can readily admit to wrongdoing, you show everyone that you have nothing to hide.

So, forget about the blame game and say you’re sorry.  You’ll soon find out that it’s just one more way that NICE wins.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, July 20, 2009 - 1:21:45

People are talking about THE POWER OF NICE!

Nearly three years after our bestselling book, THE POWER OF NICE, made waves with its counterintuitive approach to making it big in the business world, people are still talking about how “nice” wins.

Our thanks to career coach, Andy Robinson for his wonderful blog post on the six principles that drive our NICE philosophy.  As Andy writes, “The energy of consistently being nice to others will return to you many times over,” and we couldn’t agree more.  So, thank you, Andy, for sharing your thoughts and to all you other NICE bloggers out there, we can’t wait to read what you have to say.
Want to connect with us about THE POWER OF NICE or chat about our new book, THE POWER OF SMALL?  Why not become a fan on Facebook or follow us on Twitter?

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, July 16, 2009 - 8:00:22

Watch your Tone!

At The Kaplan Thaler Group, we make NICE a way of life, so it’s no surprise that it’s our policy to answer every email we receive.  Whether it’s a heartfelt letter from one of our readers or an employment inquiry from a job seeker hoping to break into the ad industry, we make it a priority to respond to each one with a courteous reply.  But, in an age where email has assumed the place of face-to-face and phone communication, it’s easy for short, business-like messages to get lost in translation and that’s why we found David Silverman’s post on his blog, Words at Work, so thought provoking.  In it, David Silverman asks one very important question: “is your email business-like or brusque?”

When you’re feeling overwhelmed by your inbox, it’s easy to ignore the common pleasantries that accompany daily conversation in favor of efficient communication. But, you may want to take another look at your message before pressing the “send” button because, as Silverman explains in his post, a harshly worded email can make or break a business relationship.
Have you ever sent an email like this one to one of your coworkers?

        I would like this taken care of by Thursday this week. If you are having trouble getting this done, please let me know.

If so, you may have unintentionally ruffled a few feathers just like one of Silverman’s readers (and sender of the aforementioned offensive email) did a few months ago.  Although the sender simply intended to quickly follow-up on a project assigned several weeks prior and offer his assistance in case his employee was having difficulty, the recipient interpreted it in an entirely different manner and, in return, fired off a lengthy, four paragraph diatribe.

Although the email recipient was clearly out of line with his reaction, it’s an important reminder to all of us to practice NICE in every aspect of our lives.  Think of it as the Golden Rule for the digital age: “email unto others as you would have them email unto you.” One of the easiest ways to avoid unwittingly hurting your recipient’s feelings is to read your email aloud and if it sounds harsh, robotic, or passive-aggressive, consider starting from scratch and adopting a more conversational tone.  When you write your emails with your own voice, you reduce the likelihood that someone else will misinterpret them.  So, next time you’re ready to hit “send,” read that email one more time and ask yourself, “how would I respond?”

Posted by Linda and Robin

Tue, July 14, 2009 - 7:29:37

Making a Difference from your Mobile Phone

Are you looking for an excuse to buy the newest generation of the iPhone?  Well, thanks to a recent article on Forbes.com, we may have discovered one very good reason you should invest in that fashionable little gadget. It’s a mobile application called DoGood and it can help you make the world a little brighter one small step at a time.

Founded by two college students at The University of Michigan, DoGood aims to answer the question, “what if 300,000 people did the same act of kindness in a day.”  So, the two tech-savvy students who already designed mobile applications in their spare time developed a program that would automatically send one “DoGood” deed to its subscribers’ smart phones once a day.  And before they knew it, DoGood was a hit.
After premiering the application at Apple’s World Wide Developer’s Conference in April, the service had an immediate following that grew exponentially by the day.  With no marketing plan or intentions to promote the service, DoGood gained notoriety over the social media circuit, garnering hundreds of tweets each week and even inspiring active DoGood-ers to write in with their heartfelt stories.  Now, just a few months into their experiment, DoGood has over 15,000 users and is well on its way to being 300,000 strong.

Whether or not you sign up for the mobile service, the success of DoGood is a reminder to all of us that doing good deeds every day isn’t an impossible feat; in fact, can become automatic. As with so many things, the solution is to start small.  And you don’t even need an iPhone to do it.  Just give a few of our tried and true tricks a chance and you’ll on your way to creating a nicer universe in no time:

Mind your manners. Did you say “please” and “thank you” to the cashier at the newstand this morning or hold the door for a stranger on your way to work?  When you’re in a rush, you might think you just don’t have time to be courteous, but if each of us spared a second or two to go the extra inch, we could make the world a friendlier place and still make our deadlines.

Give back.Maybe you don’t have the availability in your schedule to spend hours volunteering for your local charity, but that doesn’t mean you can’t help out.  Thanks to modern technology and sites like Networkforgood.org, you can donate to your favorite organization without even thinking about it.

Say hello. It might sound crazy, but making small talk can actually have a huge impact in the lives of others.  In fact, as Annamarie Ausnes and Sandy Anderson explain in this video clip, it can even save your life.  So, stop and make a little chit chat with a stranger.  You might be the hero they’ve been waiting for.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, July 10, 2009 - 12:09:38

Meet Happy

As the CEO and President of The Kaplan Thaler Group, we attend our fair share of meetings, particularly during these very busy past few weeks. And with the beautiful summer weather now upon us, sitting in a conference room can seem more often like a chore than not. But long ago we discovered a great way to keep the sun shining even when we’re sitting indoors. While gathered around the table going over the latest and greatest creative ideas, we’ve found that the best way to make that time productive and enjoyable—to “meet happy”—is to make NICE.
That’s why, when we came across Gretchen Rubin’s recent post on her blog, The Happiness Project, we couldn’t help but smile.  In her weekly “Wednesday Tips” feature, Rubin explains her “14 Tips for Running a Good Meeting,” and we thought we’d add a few of our own.

Make Small Talk. What’s the best way to get the creative juices flowing?  Try shooting the breeze for a few minutes before getting down to the tough stuff.  It’s a habit we’ve adopted at The Kaplan Thaler Group that, among other things, helped us hatch the idea for our beloved Aflac Duck.

Lose the Ego and Let the Other Guy be Smarter   Usually, we think of intelligence in terms of IQ, but did you know that when it comes to problem solving, deal making, and other team oriented activities your emotional intelligence is what really counts?  So, quell that urge to toot your own horn and let your colleagues share their ideas. As Harry Truman once said, “It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.” So, stop competing and start collaborating! 

Whistle while you Work.  One thing that our clients have said differentiates us from other agencies is our tendency to laugh and crack jokes with one another.  Even though we take our work seriously, it’s important to make work fun.  After all, studies show that cheerful employees are also the most productive.

Set Boundaries. We’ve all been trapped in those never ending meetings listening to people talk in circles, but by setting a clear end time, you can avoid it altogether.  And don’t think you need an earth-shattering excuse to keep your meeting on a tight schedule.  As we learned from one wise editor, you are entitled to set your own boundaries.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, July 09, 2009 - 8:03:58

Never Stop Campaigning

image courtesy of AFLAC

Sure, nowadays we all know about the adorable quacking duck that made AFLAC famous. You can even follow him on Twitter or friend him on Facebook.  But, behind all the funny commercials and Gilbert Gottfried squawks created by The Kaplan Thaler Group, is one very smart CEO—one who has led the company from relative obscurity to one that is a household name.  And in his recent interview in The New York Times, AFLAC CEO, Daniel P. Amos explains that the key to his success is simply being nice.

When most of us think of climbing the corporate ladder in America, “nice” isn’t exactly the first word that comes to mind.  In fact, countless books with names like Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, have burned up the bestseller lists for years.  But, the success of Dan Amos, as well as our own story, shows us all once again that nice guys (and gals) really do finish first. And Amos’ most insightful leadership tip?  Never stop campaigning.

As Amos explains in his New York Times interview, one of the best ways to keep your employees motivated is to treat them all as if they had a vote in your managerial re-election. “You kind of try to kiss the babies and shake the hands and tell ’em you appreciate ’em and would like them to support you,” he says. “You can do it like a dictator, but I’m not sure very many of them in the long run are successful.”

Making connections to his employees is a key value for Amos, and one he looks for in potential hires as well.  Just like at The Kaplan Thaler Group, at AFLAC, snobbery won’t get you far.  So it’s no surprise that our client has a similar take on prospective employees. Sure, he recognizes that everyone will be nice to him, because he’s the boss.  But as a fellow stickler for the little things, Amos also notices how you treat the people who won’t impact your career and takes that into consideration when contemplating the next promotion or new hire.  Think that being polite to the receptionist or security guard isn’t important?  Think again.  Because in the current dog-eat-dog job market, it’s the friendly colleagues and candidates who stand out.

So, why not jump on the NICE bandwagon yourself and give the person standing next to you on the elevator a smile and a hello instead of a shove and a sideways glance?  You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Mon, July 06, 2009 - 8:29:32

Think Before You Type

A special thanks to @amyconaboy for alerting us to this thought provoking blog post and asking us for our opinion.

On last week’s Small Blog, we discussed the importance of finding small joys in even the most unbearable of jobs.  After all, less-than-ideal employment situations are an inevitable part of entering the workforce and learning to cope with them is an essential ingredient in your recipe for success.  By smiling through the tough stuff, avoiding negativity, and presenting yourself as a positive force in the workplace, you’ll soon discover that NICE pays off.  So, you can imagine our disappointment when we discovered an open letter in the form of a blog post written by a disgruntled former intern to her employers at a company in Arizona. 

In the letter, the recent college graduate chided her supervisors for asking her to complete tasks which she felt were beneath her, including organizing office supplies, dropping off DVDs at a client’s office, and reading numbers off of a spreadsheet to help with projections and explains that she had expected much more of her prestigious and hard fought internship. In closing, the intern writes:

[Interns] want to learn as much about the business as possible and if you can’t provide that training we will find someplace else that will. That place might be your competition.

Yours Truly,
The Intern

When reading this ambitious and enthusiastic recent graduate’s post, we can’t help but cringe. By ranting and raving about the atrocities of her life as an intern, she violates of one very important NICE rule: never burn bridges.

Because someday, you may need your adversary to become your ally. 

Despite the pervading dog-eat-dog mentality of the corporate world, we made it to the top of our industry not with spears and intimidation, but with flowers and chocolates.  By making friends before they became enemies, we now have allies at every turn. And, “Intern,” you can do it too.  Big or small, we all make mistakes.  But, sometimes, it’s how you recover from them that makes all the difference.  So, we hope you’ll take this simple tip from us: when you’re out there in the cold, cruel world, just be nice!

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, June 26, 2009 - 4:13:50

Recession Etiquette Tips for Networking

If you’ve been to a party or family gathering recently, you’ve probably noticed that your conversations are a little different than they used to be.  In today’s tough times, it seems like every social gathering has become yet another opportunity to network…even when it’s not exactly what you had in mind.  That’s why a segment we saw the other morning on CBS’s The Early Show really caught our attention.  As you can see from this clip, our recession era calls for a new kind of etiquette, and Early Show financial contributor Vera Gibbon’s has the do’s and don’ts for our changing times.

Watch CBS Videos Online

Gibbon’s suggestions are spot-on and right in line with our NICE approach to making it in the business world, particularly her first answer on the etiquette quiz.  If when asked, “When networking at a party you should…” you answered, “choose one key skill/accomplishment to share,” then you might be a little confused as to why “say nothing about yourself” was the correct response.  Well, we can tell you.  It’s because, more than anything else, curiosity kills the competition.

Networking isn’t about standing on your soapbox and touting your greatest accomplishments to the masses.  It’s about taking the time to make connections with other people and in order to do so, you have to connect.  And the easiest, most effective way is by asking questions about the other person.  Not only will it spark the conversation, it will leave others with a great impression of you.  After all, you wouldn’t want to be stuck talking to the guy who brags endlessly about his Six Sigma Black Belt, so why would you want to emulate him?

In fact, the best conversationalists are many times the ones who talk the least.  It’s a trick our pal, Jay Leno, has used for years and one which he explains in our book, THE POWER OF NICE.  When you let others become the star of the conversation, you give their confidence a boost and that in turn heightens their impression of you.

So, next time you’re desperate to network, make like the NICEst of late-night hosts and ask away.  You probably won’t get an instant job offer, but you will make an instant connection.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, June 25, 2009 - 4:28:36

Negative Impressions are Like Germs

Okay, we’ll admit it.  Once in a while we like to kick back, relax, and decompress by watching a little reality TV.  Who doesn’t? From Real Housewives of New Jersey, to The Hills, to John and Kate Plus Eight, everyone has their favorite guilty pleasures, and more often than not, it’s the knock-down, drag-out drama that really keeps you entertained.  This week, a new show displaying reality stars behaving badly called NYC Prep debuted on Bravo, and it really got us thinking about one very powerful NICE Principle: “negative impressions are like germs.”

While celebrities like Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have made a career out of being reality TV villains, most of us will find that a bad reputation can derail your hopes for success.  Making a great impression is vital for anyone looking to get ahead in their professional career and you’ll find that it starts with the details. 

We often say, “Positive impressions are like seeds.”  They are planted with a small act of kindness, from courteously holding the door, to giving a friendly smile, and from there they grow and multiply, helping you along the way.  Conversely, negative impressions are like germs, spreading like a virus from person to person and slowly altering people’s perceptions about you.  Think that snub to a seemingly unimportant person at a networking event won’t hurt you?  Think again.  Those small interactions you share mold your identity in the eyes of others.

So, how can you immunize yourself against the spread of negative impressions?  You have to start by making NICE automatic and that means practicing the basics.  If you’re not already in the habit, you can start exercising those nice muscles with these easy tips:

“Please” and “thank you” are not optional. One of the quickest ways to appear rude is to forget those two important utterances when making a request.  Luckily, one of the easiest ways you can start making nice is by incorporating Mom’s two favorite words into your daily vernacular. So, instead of “I need 10 copies of this,” try “Could you please make me 10 copies?”

Say hello… to everyone.  Sure, everyone says “hi” to the boss, but it’s the people who acknowledge those who can’t help them get ahead who have the real competitive advantage.  So, next time you have an important meeting with a client, make sure to greet everyone you meet, from the receptionist to the CEO.  One little “hello” can speak volumes about your character.

Be kind without saying a word. We know you’re busy, but take those few extra seconds to hold the elevator, prop open a door, or assist a stranger with their heavy bags.  You never know who is watching.

Say “yes” to everything…even when what you’re really saying is “no.”  When you’re faced with an un-doable task, instead of closing the door with an outright “no”, find ways to keep that door open with an alternative “yes.”  Keeping things on the affirmative track automatically places you in a positive light.

So, reality stars and fans, take heed.  Your rude antics may be great for ratings, but they are also leaving a poor impression upon viewers.  And if you live in real life and not the Real World, remember that your smallest actions count.  The nice things you do now will pay off in the end.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, June 19, 2009 - 5:07:52

Go Ahead.  Make My Day.

In light of current events, you might be starting to think there is no good news anymore.  Each morning, we awake to more stories about American tragedies, global crises, and economic woes.  But, as John Baldoni writes on his blog, Leadership at Work,even amid challenging times, good news exists.  And the easiest way to find it is to make it yourself.

Baldoni writes that making good news isn’t about dominating the headlines with a heroic act or heartfelt human interest story; it’s about making efforts in your daily life to spread good cheer.  It might seem unimportant, but during these stressful times, spreading cheer isn’t just good for your spirit, it’s actually beneficial for business.

Don’t believe us?  Well, we can prove it.  At The Kaplan Thaler Group, we attribute much of our creativity and success to the high morale among our team members.  For example, to show appreciation for our employees, we took over an ice cream truck for a day and parked it behind our building, treating everyone in our office to a scoop or two of their choice.  As you might imagine, this NICE gesture did more than just boost their sugar levels, it raised their spirits and productivity as well.

But, you don’t have to rent an ice cream truck to make good news. By following these helpful hints, you’ll be flexing those NICE muscles in no time:

Give a compliment:  It’s one of the easiest things you can do to make someone else’s day a little brighter.  See a stranger walking down the street in a pair of killer heels?  A quick, “Love your shoes!” will be enough to bring a smile to her face.

Say thanks: We’re huge proponents of the handwritten thank-you note, but even an in person recognition of someone’s efforts will do.  If you have an employee who is doing a great job, acknowledge it and then express your gratitude.

Let yourself play:  Sometimes we all need to let loose, so after meeting a tight deadline, reward your team with a little play time.  Bring in board games or even a Wii to let your employees de-stress, while bonding at the same time.

Give it Away: Donating money is a wonderful way to help out a worthy cause, but for those pinching pennies, there are other valuable alternatives. Offer your skills free of charge to a charity or non-profit organization that interests you. For example, if you’re good with computers, offer to help them with their website.  In addition to providing them with a free service, you just might find they reward you with paying referrals.

So what are you waiting for?  Get out there and make some good news!  Then, report back to us with your NICE stories, via Twitter, Facebook, or in the comments.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Thu, June 18, 2009 - 2:07:54

You’ve Got a Friend When You Least Expect It

A few days ago, we were perusing the Wall Street Journal online and we came across a great opinion piece by Tony Woodlief called, “Ya Gotta Have (Real) Friends” in which he discusses the importance of having friendships offline.  In essence, Woodlief argues that with all the popularity (and sheer addictiveness) of social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter and the tremendous value they offer, we can’t forget about the powerful role genuine friendships play in our everyday lives. And it got us thinking about an important topic we discuss in THE POWER OF NICE: making friends in the business world is a key to success.  And the best people to start with?  Your enemies.

Sure, it might seem counterintuitive, but one of the best ways to get ahead is to make people your allies before they can become your adversaries.  In the highly competitive world of business, you may find that your rivals can offer you help when you least expect it.  After all, what exactly is an enemy, anyway?  Unless you’re waging war, we’d venture to guess that in everyday life you’re so-called enemies are just other individuals who have the power to wound your ego.  Maybe it’s the coworker who gets the promotion or the enigmatic exec from a competing firm.  But if recent events in history have shown us anything, it’s that cooperation, not antagonism, leads to the greatest successes.

So, turn the tables and use the power of your “enemies” to your advantage.  Instead of letting them hurt you, let them help you.  Once you get into the habit of making friends wherever you go, you’ll find you’ll always have one when you least expect it.  Here are a few tips to help you get started:

Embrace the enemy: Imagine your three biggest rivals and think of a way you could help each of them that wouldn’t be detrimental to you.  Next time you see them, surprise them with your offer of assistance.

Wave Hello:  Sure, it’s a basic human greeting, but a simple wave is also a signal to others that you come in peace.  So, instead of ignoring your rivals, put them at ease with a quick greeting.

If you don’t have anything nice to say: ...Think of something that is!  Imagine the three people who irk you the most and then come up with one genuine compliment about each of them.  At your next meeting, instead of not saying anything at all, you can say something nice.

How does friendship play a role in your daily business dealings?  We’d love to know, so please share your thoughts with a comment, find us on Facebook, or send us a Tweet!

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, June 12, 2009 - 3:27:22

This Summer’s Hottest Diet.  Honestly!

With all the clouds and rain we’ve been seeing this week in New York, it’s hard to believe that we’re actually in the middle of June. But, with the prospect of beach weekends and summer clothes around the bend, many of us are once again hopping on the diet bandwagon.  Well, we’ve got the plan for you.  Forget about The Skinny Girl Diet, The South Beach Diet, or The Flat Belly Diet.  With our diet plan you can eat whatever you like: carbs, chocolate, bacon, you name it.  There’s only one catch: you can’t tell a lie.

It’s called The Truth Diet. It might not make you look better in your bikini, but we guarantee it will improve your appearance in the eyes of others.

Instead of cutting out “bad” foods like sugary sodas and white bread, The Truth Diet calls for you to eliminate the bad habit of telling little white lies.  While most of us veer away from big deceptions on a daily basis, for many of us, the little white lie has become a way of life.  For the sake of being “nice,” we compliment people on earrings we don’t actually like, make up phony excuses, and tell other supposedly harmless fibs.  But, all those half-truths and falsehoods can really weigh a person down.  After a week on The Truth Diet, you’ll discover that being nice starts with being real.  And by following these simple steps, you’ll be on your way to a lighter conscious and a guilt-free lifestyle:

Step One: Say goodbye to the lie. Make the commitment to yourself to give up lies of any kind for one whole week.  That means no calling in “sick” to work, no fake compliments, and no made-up excuses.  But, don’t confuse being honest with being brutal.  Undoubtedly you will encounter those sticky “do I look fat in this?” situations and it’s important to handle them with care.  After all, the honesty policy is supposed to enhance your relationships with others, not tear them down.  So, instead of telling an outright lie, offer up an alternative answer that keeps you honest, but isn’t hurtful.  For example, if someone asks you if you like their shirt and you really don’t, try responding, “It’s very unique!  Where did you get it?”

Step Two: Avoid temptation. Whether it’s a pint of Haagen-Dazs or a juicy burger, every dieter has a weakness, and the best way to keep yourself from indulging in it to practice avoidance.  The same goes for The Truth Diet.  If there are certain situations that trigger you to lie more often than others, it may be best to avoid them for a week.

Step Three: Don’t give up. Inevitably, you will have your slip ups, but don’t let them derail your efforts.  If you can’t resist the urge to fib once or twice, don’t be too hard on yourself; just recognize your mistake and get right back on track.

In the quest for success, we truly believe that honesty is the best policy and embarking on The Truth Diet is one of the fastest ways to help you harness the Power of Nice.  Being honest, even when it’s hard, not only inspires confidence, it builds character.  When you have nothing to hide, people know they can trust you, and especially in today’s business world, nothing could be more valuable. 

So, give The Truth Diet a try.  It might not help you fit into the season’s hottest trends, but we know you’ll look your best when you’re wearing your heart on your sleeve.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, June 10, 2009 - 1:02:46

Hug It Out

At some point in your life, someone has probably told you that “there’s nothing more important than a good handshake.”  Looking someone straight in the eyes, grasping their hands, and flashing a big smile has been the hallmark of the American greeting for generations.  But, according to a recent article in the New York Times and a companion piece on NBC’s Today Show, there is a seismic shift occurring among some of our youngest citizens.  Where there once were handshakes, there are now hugs.

Sarah Kershaw writes that teens across the nation have embraced hugging as the standard form of greeting in a big way.  Like a grassroots movement, hugging slowly-but-surely has taken over the teenage landscape.  The ultimate in low-tech social networking, hugging, it seems, is the next big thing.

Contrary to what you might think, teens explain that although there are many different types of hugs, they are in large part non-romantic.  Instead, they’re using the embrace as a way to say hello, express friendship, and establish connections.  Where handshakes, high fives, and fist pounds are were once the norm, students and teachers now note that the much more personal act of the hug is now considered commonplace.  In fact, one student even remarked, “If somebody were to not hug someone, to never hug anybody, people might be just a little wary of them and think they are weird or peculiar.”

But, not everyone is ready to jump on the hugging bandwagon.  In fact, fearing complaints and potential lawsuits many schools across the country have banned hugging entirely, while some students confess to feeling pressured to hug. 

Perhaps, the New York Times writer speculates, all this hugging is partially a result of all of the time teens spend socializing virtually through sites like Facebook and MySpace, making them long for a closer human connection.  Or, maybe it was fueled by the community-based, play-date centric approach many of this generation’s parents took. But, one thing is certain, students in middle and high school are using the hug as a way to say hello more than ever before. 

It makes us wonder, will there come a day when hugs replace handshakes in the business world?  Will people in the workforce adopt the teen trend and take hugging from the classroom to the boardroom? It may seem farfetched, but stranger things have happened.  After all, while today almost all of us will confess to being social media addicts, teens were the first to take part in the trend.

We’d love to hear your take, so chime in with a comment or follow us on Twitter to share your thoughts. 

Posted by Linda and Robin

Fri, June 05, 2009 - 11:12:28

Empathy Takes Guts

Time for another pop quiz!  After reading a fascinating article from The Coversation Starter on the Harvard Business Review Blogs, we just had to pose this question.

The definition of empathy is:
a. The act of feeling pity for another individual.
b. The power of projecting one’s personality into (and so fully comprehending) the object of contemplation.
c. The ability to practice kindness to a person in need.
d. The harmony of feeling naturally existing between persons of like tastes or opinion or of congenial dispositions.

For those of you who answered “b,” nice work!  Empathy is, essentially the ability to imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes and therefore completely understand their situation.  However, as many of you may have discovered from your answers to the quiz, it’s a very often misunderstood characteristic… and one that can play a huge role in your success in the business world.

In a recent post, Katherine Bell writes that “empathy,” the media buzz-word du jour has come to imply “an emotional impulse to root for the underdog,” making it sound like, as she describes it, “the softest of soft skills.” But as Bell explains, nothing could be further from the truth.  In fact, empathy is not only a true indicator of power; it is a critical trait of managers at any level.

Contrary to David Brooks’ recent assertion in the New York Times that the most successful CEOs are “organized, dogged, anal retentive, and slightly boring” instead of being warm, empathetic, team-players, Bell argues that the two sets of characteristics need not be mutually exclusive.  And we couldn’t agree more.  After all, we’ve credited our own success in the business world to two main principles: THE POWER OF NICE and THE POWER OF SMALL.  Without taking the time to notice the little things, sweat the small stuff, and dig deep into the tiny details, we are certain we would not be where we are today, but at the same time, exercising kindness, empathy, and compassion with our clients, coworkers, vendors, and associates has helped us not only climb to the top, but stay there.

As Lieutenant General William Pagonis wrote in a 2001 article for the Harvard Business Review:  “No one is a leader who can’t put himself or herself in the other person’s shoes. Empathy and expertise command respect.” And we couldn’t have put it better ourselves.  As we write in THE POWER OF NICE, being “nice” in the business world isn’t about being a push over.  It’s about rejecting the cut-throat mentality that says “nice girls don’t get the corner office” and using a counterintuitive approach to getting ahead. 

So, take the time to empathize with others.  Whether it’s your employees or your CEO, you’ll find there’s a lot of power in walking in someone else’s shoes.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, June 03, 2009 - 2:44:11

Jay Leno Says Goonight… For Now

Monday night ushered in a new era in the history of Late Night television, with the debut of Conan O’Brien at the helm of the Tonight Show.  But as we welcome the sure-to-be hilarious antics of the 6’6” red haired wonder, we wanted to take a little time to talk about the gracious and downright NICE ways in which his predecessor, Jay Leno has handled his move from the coveted late night hosting gig to his new home in the 10 o’clock slot.  Not only did Leno exemplify the epitome of class in the entertainment industry, he showed us all a thing or two about the ways we can put the power of nice to work in our professional lives.

Of course, we were fans of Jay Leno long before he wrote the forward to THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness, but, our own off-screen experiences with him have shown us that NICE really is at his core.  Although we only had a passing connection to him, Jay personally phoned us a few years ago not only to offer up a few powerful stories for THE POWER OF NICE, he agreed to write the forward. Even though we were virtual strangers at the time, he went out of his way to lend us a hand, when there was clearly no incentive for him to do so, and in the process showed us once again that “nice guys” really do finish first.

And his final show inspired a whole new level of appreciation for his affable demeanor.  After 17 successful years as the host of America’s top-rated late night talk show, it would have been easy for Leno to spend his final episode highlighting himself and his own accomplishments.  But, instead, he used the night to say “thanks” to all of the other people who have helped him to make the show such a hit. From his staff and crew, to favorite guests, to the unexpected stars of segments like Jaywalking, Leno let everyone know that the Tonight Show wasn’t just about him.

In a particularly poignant close to his last show, Leno made one more gesture that exemplified his NICE approach.  He explained that in recent weeks, he was frequently asked what is legacy would be.  Reflecting back on it, Leno decided that his legacy wouldn’t be one of consistently great ratings or funny jokes, but something greater.  Leno then went on to describe his wonderful staff once again, most of which has remained unchanged since the start of his time as host.  Then, after running through a long list of staffers who married one another, he revealed a group 68 children of all ages, all born to Tonight Show staffers during the show’s 17 year run.  These children, he said, would be the show’s legacy and he couldn’t be happier knowing that their parents met on the set of the Tonight Show.

So, congratulations to Jay for 17 great years and best of luck on your new show.  We know we’ll be two of the millions of people turning in for your welcome return in September.

Posted by Linda and Robin

Wed, April 01, 2009 - 12:58:25

Take the Nice Q Test

Want to test your NICE knowledge? 

Take our Nice Q test! Then, check out our book, THE POWER OF NICE: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness and find out why it pays to be nice.

Click here to download the Nice Q Test!

Posted by Linda and Robin