Fri, March 12, 2010 - 4:13:28

Finding the “Yes”

If you’ve ever been to a cocktail party or networking event, chances are that at some point you have ended up in a conversation that was going on a little bit longer than your schedule allowed.  But, navigating such a sticky situation can be tough; after all, you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings but you don’t want to be stuck in one place all evening.  So, how does one exit the conversation gracefully?  That’s the issue Jodi Glickman Brown tackles this week on—appropriately enough—the Harvard Business Review’s blog, The Conversation.

In her post, Glickman Brown explains a three-step approach to ending a conversation tactfully. First, she writes, start with a “thank you.”  Next, offer a spontaneous transition, such as “I would love to continue our conversation, but it’s getting late and I need to thank the host.” Finally, suggest what she calls “forward momentum or a consolation prize,” by encouraging the other person to keep in touch or simply by validating their points.

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves and it got us thinking about a concept we discuss in THE POWER OF NICE called finding the “yes” in the “no.”

Glickman Brown’s conversation-ending technique is a perfect example of finding the “yes” in the “no.”  Instead of abruptly cutting off the other person by telling them you have to run and leaving it at that, her “consolation prize” approach plants a positive seed with an alternative “yes.”  But, that’s not the only time finding a “yes” in the “no” can come in handy.  In fact, you can use it in a multitude of situations, from dealing with an underperforming employee at work to telling your 11 year-old she can’t go to the mall alone with friends.

For example, if you receive a piece of subpar work from a talented employee, instead of criticizing them with a harsh comment worthy of Simon Cowell, look for the “yes” and say “You always do such a great job, but I’m not sure this is up to your caliber.  Why not give it another try?” 

Obviously, you can’t say “yes” to everything.  With family commitments, hectic work schedules, and the demands of day-to-day life, there simply isn’t enough time to honor every request, and other times you just have to say “no.”  But, we’ve found that this positive way of doing so leaves everyone feeling good instead of guilty or dejected. 

So, stop trapping yourself in an endless chain of “no’s” and find that “yes”!  Once you get in the habit, you will discover it’s just one more way you can make NICE automatic.

Posted by Linda and Robin