Sun, June 06, 2010 - 10:34:22

For a More Perfect Union, Treat Your Spouse Like Your Pet

Could treating your spouse more like your favorite four-legged friend actually hold the key to marital happiness? According to a recent article in the New York Times, Long Island University clinical psychologist Suzanne B. Phillips claims that approaching your relationship with your romantic partner in the same way you might with your pet can actually help it succeed in the long term. No, she doesn’t mean keeping your husband or wife on a proverbial short leash. Instead, Phillips believes that the same enthusiasm, unconditional love, and forgiveness we show our pets is what’s missing from many human-to-human relationships.

Although at first the idea sounds silly, we think Phillips might be onto something.  After all, NICE is luckier in love—and science can prove it. A study out of the University of Toronto found that people who are friendly and congenial are half as likely to get divorced as the general population.  So, showing your partner a little more good-natured affection can have a powerful effect.

With an estimated $45.5 billion spent on cats, dogs, and other companion animals in the United States in 2009—a recession year—alone, it’s no question that Americans love their pets.  But how much affection are spouses getting these days?  If your own answer is “not as much,” perhaps it’s time to adjust your thinking and look at your spouse through the same eyes as you would your other companion.

As Phillips suggests, there are three areas where this works particularly well:

Greetings: First, close your eyes and imagine the way you greet your spouse after a long day of work.  Now, do the same, but replace your spouse’s image with your dog’s. Any difference?  Chances are if you’re like most folks, you were noticeably more animated when saying hello to your pet—and while you might not greet your husband or wife with a belly rub, taking a moment to smile, hug, and express your happiness to see each other can be a great way to reconnect and unwind from the daily grind.

Grudges: If your cat ripped a hole in your screen door, you would be angry, but you probably wouldn’t hold a grudge.  So, why do it with your significant other?  Sure, they might make you fume from time to time, but when you forgive and learn from the problem instead of holding on to your discontent, it can actually strengthen your relationship instead of slowly chipping away at it.

Goodwill: Assuming your pets actions are fueled by a sinister ulterior motive would be laughable, but what about those of the person who loves you most? Instead of reacting in anger to a mistake they made, assume goodwill and remember that however ill-informed, their action was probably well intentioned.  Then, think like a canine and as the Dog Whisperer might say, “Live in the moment.” You’ll find everyone—no matter what species—will benefit when you forgive and move forward with a clean slate.

Posted by Linda and Robin