Sun, August 01, 2010 - 9:04:43

How the Speaker Listener Technique Can Make Arguments Productive

Newspaper columnist Doug Larson once said, “Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you’d have preferred to talk.” But, paying careful attention to what others have to say doesn’t just make you wiser, it can actually make you more successful, too—in both your personal and professional life. In fact, our tried-and-true approach we call “shut up and listen” has been an essential ingredient in our success as the leaders of one of the fastest growing agencies in New York.

Of course, it’s easy for most people to listen to the things they want to hear, but it’s when someone is saying something you’d rather not hear—like during a disagreement—that’s it’s most important to “tune in.” And one of the best ways to do it is with a method called the Speaker-Listener Technique.

Recently on the Today Show, Amy Robach shared the story of a happily married couple who has used the technique to handle arguments during a marriage that’s lasted decades.

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But, the speaker-listener technique isn’t just useful in a romantic partnership; it can also strengthen your interpersonal relationships at work. Not only does it allow you to resolve problems in a professional manner, it builds trust, and can provide you with valuable insights about your coworkers.

As psychologist Gail Saltz later explains in the Today Show segment, one of the most important things to remember when using the speaker-listener technique is to give yourself a “cooling off” period before engaging the other person. If you’re feeling hot headed or overly emotional, it’s time to step away and give yourself a break to calm down and regroup. Otherwise, you risk lashing out or playing the “blame game,” both of which cause a communication breakdown and discourage the person in the “listener” role from openly receiving what you have to say. Then, once you’ve had your turn to talk, trade places, zip those lips, and perk up your ears.

So, the next time you and a friend, loved one, or coworker have a problem that needs solving, why not give the speaker-listener technique a try?  Then, let us know the results.

 

Posted by Linda and Robin