Fri, January 22, 2010 - 10:38:15

Is it Really “Never Too Late to Say You’re Sorry?”

Conventional wisdom dictates that it’s never too late to say you’re sorry, but as Elizabeth Bernstein’s column in this week’s Wall Street Journal points out, the growing popularity of social networking websites has given people around the world the unprecedented opportunity to reconnect with old friends and deliver long-overdue apologies that are sometimes decades in the making.  And with the new prevalence of online apologies through sites like MySpace and Facebook and even web-based apology forums like ThePublicApology.com and PerfectApology.com, it begs the question: is it ever simply too late to make amends? 

As the authors of THE POWER OF NICE, we can tell you that in both your professional and private life, a sincere apology to someone you have wronged can be one of the most powerful actions you can make, and although saying “sorry” in a timely manner is best, a little contrition can go a long way to heal the other party’s hurt feelings even years later.

But, not all apologies are created equally and regardless of time, it’s essential that your apology is sincere and truthful. So, if you have a little apologizing to do but are feeling tongue tied, why not try some of our NICE tips?

Don’t make excuses. It’s important to resist the urge to make an excuse as substitute for a proper apology.  In fact, simply inserting the word “but” can completely derail attempts at reconciliation by negating everything you said prior. So, instead of saying “I’m sorry I ignored you earlier, but, I’ve been really busy,” try, “I’m sorry I ignored you earlier. I’ll try to be more considerate of your feelings in the future.”

Never shift the blame. We’ve all received those half-hearted apologies that shift the blame back to the wronged party, and chances are they made you feel worse than before.  So, instead of saying, “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way,” admit your guilt and simply say, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”

Make it personal. As Bernstein’s Wall Street Journal article points out, the Internet has enabled us to apologize through tweets, wall posts, and instant messages, but before you publish your apology note on the web, put your head on the other person’s shoulders and imagine how it would make you feel.  While a Facebooked apology is simply too casual and can appear flippant, we also understand that in-person apologies, although best, might not always be possible. So, consider making a phone call, sending a handwritten note, or even an email.  No matter which method you choose, the simple act of saying you’re sorry will leave everyone feeling better.

We want to hear your thoughts!  Have you received a long overdue apology from a long lost friend via an online social networking site?  Share your stories by leaving a comment.

Posted by Linda and Robin