Sat, May 29, 2010 - 9:18:52

You Don’t Have to Like Someone in Order to Be Nice

Earlier today we came across a great letter in the New York Times in response to an article published last week on the importance of having enemies as children.  While the article suggests that “when someone dislikes you, it may be adaptive to dislike them back,” we feel—like the author of the letter—that even if you may dislike someone, it’s essential to remain nice. 

After all, as Woody Allen once said, “There are some people you love, and some people you just want to pinch,” but no matter how much your personality may clash with someone else’s, being civil can not only help you navigate tough social situations, it can leave you looking like a winner—regardless of your age.

Throughout your life, it’s inevitable that you won’t end up liking every single person you meet, or vice versa, but that doesn’t mean you need to turn those people into enemies.  In fact, just by employing a few simple NICE tricks, you can steer clear of feuds with “frenemies” and plant positive seeds wherever you go.  For example, instead of allowing your foe to instigate an argument, why not smile, say hello, and give them a compliment the next time you see them as a gesture of good will? Not only will doing so calm any tensions that might exist in the room, it will boost your confidence, and leave a favorable impression with others.

Of course, when it comes to the turbulent ‘tween and teen years, coping with the world of Queen Bees and Mean Girls can be much more difficult, but NICE can work wonders. In this instance, compliments can also help—and you can show your daughter how to defend herself against a bully just by saying something nice. For example, if the Mean Girl in her pack remarks, “Why do you always look so babyish? Does your mom still pick out your clothes?” your daughter can reply with a little humor, “I guess I should hire a new stylist! You’re so chic—maybe you could help me.”  By diffusing the situation with a compliment, your daughter gives her “frenemy” nowhere to go with her attack.

But, even more importantly, doing so makes your daughter appear more favorable in the eyes of her other friends—and that means she’ll always have a friend to lean on when the going gets tough.

Posted by Linda and Robin