Fri, February 12, 2010 - 1:55:13

In Life and Love, the Small Stuff Counts

With Valentine’s Day coming up this weekend, you’re probably thinking about your love life a little more than usual and if you’re wondering about just how to find that special someone without the help of Cupid’s bow and arrow, you’re not alone.  As Sharon Jayson reports in Thursday’s USA TODAY the dating scene is experiencing a seismic shift and although most couples still meet each other through mutual friends, the Internet is rapidly gaining in popularity, accounting for the way 23% of those surveyed met their significant others.  But even as the social spectrum continues to change, one thing remains a constant: when it comes to happy relationships, it’s essential to sweat the small stuff.

As we write in our book, THE POWER OF SMALL, paying attention to the small gestures your date makes early on can play a pivotal role in the overall success of your relationship, and particularly when pairing up with an online match who hasn’t been vetted by your network of real-world friends, watching their cues and clues can provide you with important insights that their words and online profiles might leave out.

For starters, pay close attention to body language and facial expressions, which unconsciously portray inward emotions.  For example, if the other person sits with his legs crossed toward you, things are probably going well.  However, if you notice his toes pointing at the door, he’s probably itching to leave.

But honing in on body language isn’t the only way to size up your Valentine.  Another important detail you should not overlook is his or her small gestures toward the people you encounter on your date.  For example, is he or she polite to your server at the restaurant?  Does he or she hold the door for strangers?  If your date is driving, do you notice little snarky comments made toward other drivers or even witness outbursts of road rage?  While each of these moments may seem insignificant, they can provide powerful insight into that person’s character and help you decide if they are compatible with you.

And don’t forget about the power of your smallest gestures once you’ve found your match, either!  As several couples celebrating their golden anniversaries and beyond confided in a recent Real Simple feature, the little, seemingly unimportant things they do for one another have actually proven to be the secrets to their long and happy marriages.  Stella Sonnenschein, who has been married to her husband Ben for over 50 years says, “Ben doesn’t always say ‘I love you’ and I don’t force him to.  Instead, I appreciate it when he brings me a sandwich in bed—especially since he hates crumbs in the sheets,” while Imogene Edwards explains, “[My husband of 55 years] Elmer always takes me by the hand and leads my across the parking lot like I’m his girl.”

So, this Valentine’s Day, whether you’re searching for a little chemistry with your online match, or spending February 14th as a couple for the 25th year in a row, look around and find the magic in the little things.  You never know what you might discover.

Posted by Linda and Robin