Fri, June 11, 2010 - 9:51:42

Smartphones Affect Kids in Unexpected Ways, but Small Talk Can Help

With this week’s unveiling of Apple’s hotly anticipated iPhone 4G, many people are thinking about smartphones more than ever. But, a new finding published in The New York Times this week questions whether the same productivity devices that help people stay connected at work are causing a disconnect at home. 

Sherry Turkle, director of M.I.T.’s Initiative on Technology and Self tells the New York Times that in her five-year study of 300 children and their parents, she noticed a remarkably similar set of responses. Kids whose parents were constantly glued to their smartphones felt hurt, ignored, and resentful.

Of course in today’s “wired” world, where BlackBerries and iPhones can feel like a lifeline, abstaining from the technology altogether is nearly impossible.  Luckily, there’s an easy way to avoid hurt feelings even if you have to answer that ping from time to time—and when it comes to your kids, it’s one you might not expect.

Small talk.

If you’re a parent of a teen or ‘tween, you might feel like the last thing your “too-cool” kids want to do is have a chat with their dorky mom or dad, but no matter how they might appear on the outside, the truth is they do—and Turkle’s latest research can back it up. Just a few minutes of chit-chat a day can have a dramatic effect not only on their relationship with you, but as a 2009 McDaniel University study found, on their future relationships as well.

It might seem intimidating at first, but brushing up on your small talk skills can have you and your kids communicating in no time. Here’s how you can get started:

Take a drive: We’ve all been taught that eye contact is an essential element of good communication, but when it comes to kids, it can actually make them feel pressured or self-conscious. That’s why the car is the perfect place to strike up a conversation by asking open-ended questions.  With your eyes on the road, they’ll feel more comfortable opening up to you.

Get moving: As with car rides, a laid back game of catch reduces eye contact and makes children feel more comfortable expressing themselves. And the endorphins produced by light exercise naturally promotes relaxation. So, take the opportunity to ask a few questions and compliment your kid’s throw—and then listen with both ears.

Make ‘em laugh: Research shows that kids laugh an average of 200 times a day (as compared to only 15-18 for adults), so try warming them up with a silly story or joke. According to a study conducted by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, laughter between parents and their children boosts communication levels.  So, don’t be afraid of an eye-roll or two.  Even a muffled chuckle can help get the conversation started.

Posted by Linda and Robin