Thu, October 08, 2009 - 11:41:00

Talk to Me, Baby

In our recent guest post on Marc and Angel Hack Life we describe the amazing way in which small talk helped to save the life of an everyday woman battling a terrible illness and it’s just one of the many powerful ways in which small talk works every day.  Whether you’re looking for a new friend or looking for a new career, we know that small talk can open the doors to a wealth of opportunities, but as we were catching up on the New York Times last week, we were reminded of just one more way in which making a little small talk can make a huge difference—even if the person you’re talking to can’t quite talk back.  Yes, as many of our fellow mom’s may know, the simple act of making small talk with your baby can actually play a monumental role in his or her early development.

But, while most of us know how important small talk is to the development of the mind in its most formative stages, making small talk with your kids no matter what their age is an important way to strengthen your bond with them throughout your lives.  Unfortunately, as many of us have discovered, when kids grow older, getting them to open up often becomes a little harder. 

Who hasn’t experienced this situation?

Parent: Walking into the house from school. “How was your day, honey?”

Child: Already making a bee-line for his or her bedroom. “Fine.” Door shuts.

So, how can you change it?  As moms, we’ve found that one secret to getting your kids talking can be as simple as a change of scenery.  For example, try talking with them while their buckled up in the backseat of your car.  As you drive down the road, ask them open ended questions that require more than just a one-word answer.  For example, instead of “How was your day?” ask, “What was the best part of your day today?”  If they’re still a little hesitant to speak up, try our favorite follow-up question (which works wonders on adults, too): “why?”  With the constant motion of the car and the slight separation of the front and back seats, your kids will feel freer to express themselves and over time, these short car-ride chats will not only aid your overall communications, they will strengthen your bond as a family.  If that doesn’t work, try shooting a few hoops together or playing a game of catch.  The combination of physical activity and reduced eye contact will help your kids feel more comfortable instead of self-conscious.

Even when your kids are all grown up, it can still be difficult to get them to open up about their personal lives, but using small talk can still be a great way to get them to let their guard down.  Think of it as your “warm-up act.”  Instead of starting by asking direct questions, just take ten minutes to shoot the breeze and loosen up.  Talk about the weather, sports, a good meal you ate, or any other innocuous subject you can think of.  Once your adult children feel at ease and you’ve had a couple of minutes to chat, they’ll be more apt to let you in on their thoughts and feelings and might even start asking you for advice.

And what could feel better than that?

Posted by Linda and Robin