Thu, November 12, 2009 - 10:59:14

Talking to Your Teens about Relationships Now Makes them Luckier in Love as Adults

If you’re the mom or dad of a middle- or high-schooler, you might assume that there could simply be no more embarrassing topic of conversation to bring up with your kids than their love lives, but the findings of three new studies out of McDaniel College in Westminster, Md. , Loyola University of Maryland in Baltimore, and Wayne State University in Detroit, Mi. reveal that taking just a few minutes every once in a while to talk to your sons and daughters about dating can have a dramatic effect on the success of their future serious relationships.

Dr. Stephanie Madsen, an associate professor at McDaniel, tells the Wall Street Journal that students who regularly engaged in casual conversation with their parents, including occasionally asking for advice or input about their romantic partners had “warmer, closer, and more positive dating relationships,” and argued less with their significant others, while those who felt uncomfortable talking to their parents experienced more conflict, less affection, and greater instability.  And perhaps most surprisingly, the indicators for long term romantic success can be seen as early as middle school crushes, making “puppy love” less frivolous that once assumed.

The studies also revealed that no matter the age, whether middle school, high school, college-age, or young adult, children prefer for parents to take the understated role of “relationship consultant” over a hands-on meddler, but before giving it a go, it is essential for parents to foster a feeling of open communication and trust with their children.  And one of the most effective ways to do so is to make small talk.

Mark Nagelsmith, a father of a 16 year-old son in Glens Falls, N.Y. tells the Wall Street Journal that in order to sneak in small talk with his son he uses a technique that we have also found particularly successful with boys: sports.  “[My son] really opens up to talk when we’re just out fooling around, tossing the ball,” Nagelsmith explains. “He would never admit to me that he’s listening, because as you know, dads don’t know anything,” but as we would also suspect, Nagelsmith concedes, “maybe he is.”

Want to learn more about making small talk with your kids, even when they’re all grown up?  Click here to read our small tips!

Posted by Linda and Robin